Everything’s been making me cry.  I cried though my entire math class yesterday.  And it’s a 2 and a half hour class.

I don’t know how to do things anymore.  It takes me forever to get things done and I feel so fucking stupid.  I can work on a math problem for hours and still not be any closer to solving it.  I don’t know how I’m going to pass that test on Monday.

I’m trying another mood stabilizer, but it’ll be another week or two before I’m on a full dose, and even then I don’t really expect it to do anything.  Except the side effects, […]

I don’t want to die-on most days. But sometimes I get so depressed it seems like a good solution. It just passes my mind out of the blue when I’m crossing a river or crossing the street. What if.

I thought I’d had it all figured out by now and it’s not like that. Not knowing what to do with your life at 20 isn’t a good idea. I feel like I’m gonna screw up, alone with a boring job I hate, surrounded by people I have nothing in common with, my parents are going to be so disappointed.They are going to die and I’ll […]

Can’t stop thinking about how bad I dont want to be here. My birthday is a little over a week away (July 7th) and I’m thinking maybe I’ll take some kind of pills maybe muscle relaxers before i drink and drink A LOT. Just making it easier for everyone so they only have one day to remember me, cuz I was born and died on the same day. I want this to be the best birthday ever, have friends come out and just drink and get hammered and have fun, in turning 20, it should be fun! Now I don’t want to do anything.

I […]

I wish I could just do it, and stop being just a chicken. I want to go and just be forgotten, everyone tells me ‘what about the people who care about you, what your doing osnt affrcting only you’ and my response? I just want people to stop carong so I can get on with suicide faster and easier and guilt free. Fucking hell. 🙁
I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up in life. And in everything.

A couple of months ago I was telling: “I’ll wait two years, so I can at least exploit a life insurance and give some money to the people I love”.

A month ago I was telling: “I’ll wait at least my birthday (in august), it will be at least a message”

Now I’m telling: “Why should I wait a month? Who cares? Ten days to close all the things I have open”

Feeling really lost at the moment.

I am currently studying for exams and doing my final essays for the year, the results i have gotten back have been great and usually when i get an A or A+ i can’t contain how happy i am, this excitement usually gives me energy for the next essay and so on.

However i have realised recently that i will never be happy with myself. And my life is not going to be better if i get good grades.
I can’t believe having good grades and excelling in school was a replacement so i didn’t have to face the reality that […]

I cant help but feel lost all the time, no matter what I do is just the same cycle, I have tried doing something about it but my plans never work out..

I feel like my own family doesn’t love me and non of my parents are around to tell me that everything is going to be ok. I feel selfish for asking God if I can run away because running away is the only thing I have done my whole life. I have nothing in this world, no job, no family, I’m not happy with who I  have become. even though people tell me you […]

Someone screwed up,it must have been a mistake.I wasn’t supposed to be born here.Everything seems wrong to me.I feel like I stole someone else’s life.It’s all a mistake…

I don’t want this world,don’t want to grow up in it.My life is so wasted.I wasted someone else’s life.I wish I could channel it,give to someone who deserve it.The people I met,the event I lived trough,I don’t deserve those.It would have been better for someone else to experience them.I have a hard time saying “thanks” because I don’t deserve the things I should be thankful for.I’m a failure…

I wish I could give it all away to someone who […]

I was a soldier I went and fought in the war back in 09-10 after returning home I stoped sleeping almost immidiately. Little noises scare me, and whenever I manage to fall asleep I have dreams about the deaths of entire families and it always being my fault as there is something else I could have done to save these people. I feal as if I failed my kid and my future seems so bland no matter how many times I try to improve it seems nothing I do will be good enough for her. I have failed a few times in the past trying […]

My life has fallen to pieces. The details aren’t important. It’s all the same stuff that you read on this forum. That’s not even the reason I’m upset. My emotions are out of control. I can be fine one day, then spend the next day crying into my pillow. I’ve had it. I cut myself. I beat my face in with a mallet. I can’t stop fantasising about jumping off the roof of my house. And yes, I do have a suicide plan. I feel that God has abandoned me, and I don’t know where to turn. The only ray of hope right now […]

Been thinking.

Too much.

How do you change your thought process? I’m not talking about just negativity, here. The way you think. I’ve been so analytical in my thought process that the only way to change is to constantly brainwash myself towards another way of thinking, and that’s what I need to escape from. I want to live in a more direct “Living by the moment for the moment”, not “Living in my brain about the moment in the moment”. I can’t just “live”. I don’t need a happily ever after either. Just normal conversations with a person. My father. My friend. Anyone. (Yeah, I’m a […]

I crave the touch of friendly hands.

My bitter soul is searching for

The warmth of love in frozen lands.

The wind bites though me as I search

The tundra of this lonely life.

I crave the touch of friendly hands.

I huddle to the fire and think

No sun-scorched desert could replace

The warmth of love in frozen lands.

Like the robin with fractured eggs,

Or the hound who howls for his man,

I crave the touch of friendly hands.

Frost cracks open my naked face.

I wish a long embrace would give

The warmth of love in frozen lands.

There is nothing […]

I’m feeling so much right now that I am unable to express it. I’ve always been like this. Words cannot describe the feeling inside my soul. I still go on but I am also stuck.

I really see no reason to go on. I do but without reason and filled with nothing. Empty. I have trouble validating anything exists. If it exists then what is my reason for living? To work wearing women’s outfits though in my soul I am a male? To hide my true self …what’s left of it? I don’t want to be apart of a plan if there isn’t one. […]

Sometimes I’d rather think I’m just completely crazy then admit that I’m suicidal. You know? It’s easier that way. Less to deal with.

I don’t want to make new friends nor meet my ‘other half’ .. I don’t want a job .. I don’t want to hang on to the idea this world can be a better place .. I don’t even want happiness .. I don’t want any reason to be tied to this world

All I want is OUT .. Why are we conditioned, encouraged to believe life is -that- valuable? I’m also tired of hearing: suicide is never the answer .. If you were to kill yourself, people who care about you would be crushed, devastated etc

Well, I don’t think I’m that responsible for anyone well-being […]

I am really struggling at the moment. My suicidal tendencies are so strong, I am so de-sensitised to the idea of killing myself, that it is really only my two sons who keep me anchored. When even that becomes not enough, I go into hospital, where I am now – again – the fifth time in 2 1/2 years, and I’ve already been in now for five weeks this time. I just looked at my progress chart, and basically there has been none – a few blips where I got better for a few days, and then I drop down again.
I am just loosing […]

Sunday night I had told myself that drowning was going to be the easiest and less stressful way to go. I live a couple of blocks from a lake and I had considered going to the dock with a 50 pound weight and just jump in. Well, I went boating today at that same lake and my friend pointed to the dock and said she had a dream where I had jumped in and didn’t come back up. When she went under to see, she said she saw something holding me down and that I eventually drowned. That’s when she woke up crying…anyways. She had […]

Once it’s happened and it’s not going to “get better.”  You just walk through some how. So many of us have been destroyed, obliterated waited for grace, given everything to somehow survive.  I think about suicide nearly all the time.  I gave all I could, now it’s just playing out the string.  Thank you everyone who has posted about their hell.  I heard somebody once say in their despair (words that I’d expressed too), “I’m just a person.”  More hell.

I just joined today and this is my third post already. I can’t believe how supportive people are on here. I’m really glad I found this. I glad I found people who feel like me.

Sometimes I wonder if I just want to leave because I’m not strong enough to handle the stress that is life, but I’m not stressed. I feel like I barely have feeling anymore, I’m just just here as a statue, as nothing. What is my life anymore? I work 3 jobs, all I ever do is work and drink. I’m not an alcoholic but I might as well be with […]

If anyone wants to talk outside of this site like through email or something let me know. I really need someone to talk to that won’t judge me and won’t tell me I’m wrong for thinking about suicide. I just need someone who understands m