I hate to say it but I’ve heard it from so many sources. Just be happy! Maybe there’s something horribly wrong with me but I can’t push myself to be happy. I should be though-from the outside my life kind of seems pretty fucking OK. Nowadays I feel guilty and anxious because I can’t bring myself to enjoy it. It’s there, right in front of me but forcing myself to be happy?
That only deepens my anxiety making it so much worse. I tried to ask for help, to make people understand me but they can’t. Now the plan switched to: I’ll off myself if I screw my life up like end up on the streets or with a job I hate or completely alone. If I feel useless as a human being and disgusted with myself. Maybe if someone I love dies and I can’t bear the pain.
It’s easy to tell people to be happy when you don’t suffer from depression or other mental illnesses and judge them. It’s easy to see things in black and white when you’re not so fucked up you cry suddenly, while doing the dishes, for no apparent reason.
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I try to beat The D (depression) with exercise dose help. Sorry on help. D
I try to beat The D (depression) with exercise dose help. Sorry on help. D
Hey, I heard that helps. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. If you have a chemical imbalance it might work better. But with deeper emotional problems…I don;t have the answer to that. I just don’t wanna go on meds.
i got no answer. You have some good day’s right.?
Yea i cry out of nowhere too….sometimes it happens at work and u have to walk awaw from ppl or fight it back.i truly think im mentaly ill now….why are you depresed
Yeah but they change rapidly. I now keep a diary to keep track of my depression/manic periods. The depression ones are more acute though. Maybe that’ll help me figure stuff out.
f00l-I don’t know, I’m very unsure of my future-that includes my career choice and all that shit. I’m so scared to make decisions and plans. Besides, I had an eating disorder and an alcoholic parent to deal with a big part of my life. That sucks…I know the feeling, sometimes batshit crazy is my only explanation for what’s going around in my mind.
I think we all have times where we just burst out crying. Over the last year, I’ve cried more times than I did when I was a kid. Trying to suppress all the hurt and pain of my early days didn’t help at all.
I agree that telling someone with depression to ‘just be happy’ is simplistic and insulting. I find that just putting my thoughts out there, in an environment such as this, goes a long way to helping with my treatment.
The thing is there have been times, even recently, when I’ve literally felt the fog of depression lift momentarily. These were driven by external events, such as a phone call from a friend I’d not spoken to in a long time, or being given an issue at work that is challenging yet solvable. I have to find a way to fill my time with more of these moments; perhaps with enough of them, I might be able to rebuild the resources to fight my demons. Is it possible that you might be able to find just one thing that can make you forget about your anxiety, RJo? Even if it’s just momentarily? If you can, then do it. Then think about how you got there. I can’t guarantee it will work, but – like most exercise – the more you do it, the more likely you are to get results.
Good luck.
Im sorry to hear that.im afraid that if i live my son will have to grow up with an alcoholic parent.thats all i do is drink now….why are you scared to make dicisions of your future.what would make u happy
Thank you for the reply. Crying soothes me but also leaves me feeling vulnerable. I did OK as a kid, even giving some traumatic events. Looking back, I don’t want to re-live a lot of moments.
The thing is that I want to be an overachiever and school was kind of my solace. Nowadays it’s more about cramming a lot of stuff in my schedule so that I feel like I’m doing fine and being productive without enjoying some of the activities. Then I feel like a total failure because no matter what I do it won’t be enough for me.
I love writing and reading. I’m now thinking seriously about doing some volunteer work for people who need it (such as sick people) maybe that’ll give me perspective. Most of the time it feels like an identity crisis.
I’m glad you found something like that. Maybe you should find new friends and call people more often. I was so scared of rejection in the past that even inviting a friend out seemed like something dreadful because I might’ve gotten rejected.Now, I can’t imagine what I would do without a cheering phonecall now and then.
Thanks and good luck to you too!
f00l-Please don’t do that. Try to quit ASAP. Your son won’t be better off with you an alcoholic-or worse, dead.
As for me, I think I’ve been lying to myself and inventing personalities and stories about what I should be that don’t fit me or my reality.
I’d love to be doing something creative every day. Helping people and traveling a lot. I’m thorn betweeb what I should do (get a degree for a job that pays well) and what I want (to live in an environment surrounded by creative, wonderful people. To do something meaningful, even if it doesn’t pay that well).
Thanks RJo but i have the most overwhelming feeling of death.i just cant imagine living past today.the only reason im alive is my friend is comeing over with her kids…please pray for my death.please help me find a way to die…..sorry i shouldnt put this on you.
I could never do that for anyone. Not because I am being mean but because I want your well being. Just hang on. Find small things or look at the bigger picture, I don’t know. Your death could cause so much pain, pain that is so big compared to the one you’re feeling right now.
Just don’t do it.
@RJo: Follow your heart. I chose the pragmatic approach i.e. studied what others wanted me to study just for the sake of getting a ‘good job’, and I’ve felt miserable ever since, as I missed out on some wonderful opportunities. Had I pursued a more intellectually stimulating post-school educational path, I may have excelled in an Arts or Humanities field rather than ending up being mediocre at IT, and then having been found to be mediocre in IT, taking a job in the Finance industry instead.
You have a lot to give the world, RJo. I am convinced that when (not if, WHEN) you go beyond your anxiety, and if you can put yourself in the environment that will allow you to thrive, you will be immensely successful at whatever you set out to do, even if it’s something that many people would deem to be a little out there.
I know it’s hard to make contact with friends, especially when you fear rejection. I have gone through that for much of my life. The thing is that whilst my fears are unfounded, they still keep recurring. I haven’t been able to solve that one yet.
@f00l: Hang in there, man. I know it’s dark. I don’t know what else to say except that there are people here that are thinking of you (myself included) and would like to see you live to fight another day.
I find it hard to gather the courage right now. I know it’s a matter of convincing other people to support my decisions too, which I find it hard because I’m the type that wants to please other people-not myself. I’ve never considered myself worthy of it.
I’m sorry to hear about your experience-been there, done that all my highschool years. Endless boring hours of math just because I wanted to prove everyone that I can do it and that my parents can proudly say that I’m ‘smart’ because I study math. Isn’t that just screwed up…
Hopefully it will turn out to be fine in the end. The only way that I got over that particular fear was putting myself out there, in situations in which I have to make new contacts and have a social life. It feels like I’m vulnerable sometimes but it’s the best I can do not to be alone and even sadder.
RJO Life’s hard. Called bein human. Dont let them see you vulnerable. Evey one gose for the WEAK. But there are allso good people here to. Just work it out. And try to enojoy. And if you got The dig D. Make’s it hard. WIN
It’s a choice. You can make a choice to feel good. It’s a process you must go through…but is designed to work in your favor. You have to allow it to unfold, but the choice must come from you. Refrain from judgement about anything…just let things flow and you may find a shift happens within you. Take care.