So yesterday my mom decided to pinch at my zits because I am ugly as hell. I naturally dislike this since it hurts a ton. Well needless to say she got all pissed off, and that got me upset also. So she makes me apologize for being angry and I do so but not actually caring. So she yells at me some more and tells me to fuck off. I go up to my room and start reading some Zelda manga. That helps me forget about whatever bad things happen, so I like video games. So my mom comes upstairs and interrupts my ritual, and […]
ok so im not completely alone my sister and friend is here but that means nothing but not being hit my dad is home too, but came home looked me in the eye and said i have destroyed him he now wants nothing to do with me. haha he wonders why i wanna move out..get a clue damnit! my mom is shoppin i sit here in bed bleeding all over my white sheets and blanket i took a very sharp pocket knife and slit my arm deep. the pain is intense but to me looks beautiful and relieves some of my pain. i wanna die […]
Once I had a fabulous career and I was on top of the world but that all ended 5 years ago and I still can’t move on. I’ve been on different meds and they work for a while but the dark moods always return. I’m too young to retire and too old to find a decent job. I work for selfish evil people who have no respect for me. I sold my soul for a paycheck. I just want to feel good about myself but I can’t make it work. I work to make enough money to send my […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh3Z1_08Ess
Please understand
This isn’t just goodbye
This is I can’t stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we’re barely breathing
A thousand faces we’ll choose to ignore
Curse my enemies forever
Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I’m pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with […]
i dont want anyone to kill themselves. not me nether
like i said in a previous post “i dont belong”
wondering what life would be on the other side. lay down all my burdens. i picked up a knife and i cut my wrist so deeply i ended up in the hospital for 3 days. im now not even aloud to handle a butterknife without supervision so to speak. im not suicidal for god’s sake. im tired. if people would let me. i would leave. if people knew how i feel. they would know what i mean.
its like jogging for miles and stop and you have no […]
Two days into summer and its already starting
This horrible depressing feeling of nothing.
A head throbs, The mind races
With the steady thum of a thousand incoherent thoughts
And I can do nothing but watch.
watch as it drags me deeper and deeper
And I’ll fall into my own mental stupor
Numbness to block out the pain
Of myself and my thoughts
And I can do nothing but watch.
Days will mean torture and nights will be endless
And still no one will see this
I’m falling apart.
It’s no cry, I’ll be free of my thoughts!
Yet I know they’re only digging deeper into my mind
And I […]
So this is my first post and I don’t really know what to get out of this. I am young and some would say attractive. I have a husband, a son, and one on the way….so what is my problem? I feel selfish that I have these thoughts, these feelings. I AM AT A LOSS. I am in this losing battle. I live with my in-laws and many would say that that is my problem. They definitely play an important role in my misery. I have lived here for a year now and I can say that I actually hate them…I hate their voices and when I […]
Living is suffering for me. I know some would say that I should feel like I have a great life. But they are only saying that because of my material objects.
They don’t know that I stay up late at night, crying because I have to hide so much of myself. My family is Christians, and they make fun of gays. It’s so hard due to the fact that I am a bisexual atheist. And it’s not like I have the courage to just tell them.
I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been depressed, but I noticed some notes of mine dating back to […]
I just wrote an angry hate letter to basically the whole ‘class of 2012’ at my school that I will never send. It was supposed to make me feel better, but came out more like a suicide note so I don’t know what that indicates… I am quite pleased with the closing line, though:
“Just know that actions have consequences and you have managed to massively dent one person’s faith in humanity and that is unimaginably dangerous and now too late.”
Writing that letter did make me wonder who at that hell of a school would care if I went through with it, if this subconscious […]
Every time I’m drunk I feel deeply suicidal, even if im with good friends or family. I feel my mild depression flares up into clinical depression and im actually ready to make an attempt to end my life when ive had a certain amount of alcohol. The simple answer is to give up drinking but I feel that when im drunk enough, I can make the attempt. Ive never attempted suicide before but I feel its going to happen very soon. Life just isnt working out for me at all, im not built for it… I think too much and thats my problem, every single little […]
Song I always listen to when at my lowest makes me cry so much, I know there wont be someone though when my time comes as im hoping my time will come soon as
Lyrics to Hope There’s Someone:
Hope there’s someone
Who’ll take care of me
When I die, will I goHope there’s someone
Who’ll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I’m tired
There’s a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head
Oh I’m scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don’t want to be the one
Left […]
i just dont see anything anymore
i had goals i had a future i had hope i had a purpose but thats the problem i fucked up and now im lost i dont know what to do i tell people what i used to see they respond that i should give up not litterally though cuz i have no nerve fuck yeah actually i do i can picture death so vividly it makes me want it more painless and free yes damn thats all i want i wanna be done im already dying externally i just need to be dying internally i want and wish […]
And that I’ll fight my corner, Maybe tonight I’ll call ya, After my blood turns into alcohol, No, I just wanna hold ya….
So… Hi Guys :3
I know, It’s been a while. And quite a lot has happened… :/ I don’t know whether or not I have told you that my mental health has gotten worse, But hopefully going to see a doctor about that… Finally get the crazy diagnosis. :/
So, My birthday was good :0 so **** in fact that i decided not to kill myself, If I could I would. Things just got worse after that, I got into a relationship with this guy called Aarron. But in the four days D: that i was with him it made me realize how much I love my […]
im not shure and i honestly don’t care if anyone has written anything even remotely similar. my life doesn’t suck. yeah it has its moments. but no. i like my life.
but. im tired. thats all there is to it. there is nothing left for me here. i just feel like i am done here. i need to move on.
i got help for these suicide thoughs. but honestly. nothing worked. in the end of the therapy i pretended to be healthy. but… you cant fix someone when they are already dead inside.
some things are beyond therapy i guess.
im not old. im 18. and appear like everyone […]
Being jusged really sucks. It sucks even more when the person doesnt even know you. Getting called a whore by your boyfriends sister suck even worse. I mean yeah i didnt have sex with my boyfriend before and i have done other things with him but i have nevrr done anything with any other guy besides him. It hurts to know his sister who use to love me now hates me and thinks im a whore. I look at myself and always ask if i look like one. I try to not dress like on. I dont skinny jeans and a aero shirt is a […]
I’m trying really hard, not for you or anyone else, I’m doing it for myself this time and still can’t do it anyway… you know that now I am completely sure that I’m worthless, I can’t be saved. But does it really matter? I’ll answer that for you… NO, but you already knew this.
Days pass, not being able to confront myself, only falling deeper and deeper, my consciousness dims… so many years of loneliness, sadness and fear now are showing their dangers.
How many scars will I let myself to have? How many cuts do I have to make for not feeling this way? How deep […]
I don’t even know where to start. Everything that could’ve gone wrong has gone wrong for 34 years.
There’s nothing left of me that I can recognize.
Hey, guess what.
My heart’s still beating
My blood’s still flowing
My body’s still working
and I’m even glowing.
They all say I’m better and prettier than her. They all say it’s his loss. They all took my side. And I saw her, and they were right. He’s trying to get to me, but he isn’t strong enough to break through. His mistake, he’ll look back and think, “Wow, that was stupid, she gave me her heart and I threw it away, she was amazing” The 80 and 20 rule, I’m the 80 with the whole package and I cared about and loved you. You just met […]
Check out this song, you will absolutely love it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSiyA1cLTWQ
Hi,
I dont really know why I am on here, writing this? I guess, I would just like some advice. I am 18 and still living at home, although I have been accepted to a uni course which will start in September. I have just got to complete my last alevel exams. The results dont matter as my offer is unconditional. On the outside my life is perfect. I am 18, I am going to uni to study equine science, a course that I want to do. I have recently brought myself a horse, my parents have enough money to have sent me to private school.
Reality? […]