I’m not even ridiculously sad anymore, I’m just exhausted with my life. Since I was a kid, there’s been no one even ninety percent genuine with me. My family are judgmental and selfish, and broke up when I was ten. I was constantly underachieving to my father’s standards and was disowned twice in my childhood before this final time, and my mother was more concerned with my (only by a couple years) younger brother. She’d told me she loved him more. I was always a very introverted kid. I loved reading and writing, and didn’t particularly like going out. I didn’t make friends very easily […]

Did I get your attention? (: Good, I just wanted to say if anyone feels really down or like they just can’t do it anymore to email me at kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com I’m always here to listen and give advice(If you want it) and I can relate to a lot of things, I don’t judge, because judging is badd. So you can just email me and tell me how you are doing(:

My GP has just prescribed Zopiclone for insomnia also Beta Blockers for panic attacks.Along with Mirtazapine, citalapram Carbamazapine and Tramadol, which I have been taking for years. Should I just stop taking the whole fucking lot….I feel like a wretched Zombie most of the time. My short term memory is shot to hell. I am so tired all the time I could weep. My appetite is zero. Life is pretty much fucking unbearable. Does anyone else cope without all this medication? Is it better? I am very confused.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr-Rj59XSlA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I’ve started writing my long and confusing rambling dark thoughts down in a pretty little notebook instead of typing them and posting them here, for the time being. It seems that physically using a pen and paper is a better way to let some of the sadness out and clear my mind than typing is… it’s more ‘real’ in some ways, I suppose.
Anyway, I’ve decided to give myself 2 years until I make any big decisions. In the next 2 years I’m going to try and make my life worth living and worth seeing a future to. I want to somehow reach the stage […]

Whilst doing my daily moping on the internet, i found the registration for an intensive performing arts camp at my local college. The whole day I had been overly depressed as always, but as soon as I saw this it brightened. I immediately started to get the things for my audition ready, and  practicing. I think that if I keep my mind set on my career and other things it might keep the depression from controlling my life. I know, I know. “How can you go from being so suicidal one night, to now being so full of hope”. I did a lot of thinking about things, […]

…but I think western society has some pretty f’king high expectations for everyone. Where’s the love? It doesn’t seem real to me. Hence, most of us are stuck here.. struggling. It just ain’t right… I dunno if I’m saying that right.. but yeah.. where the f*** is the love?

For the past six months I’ve been strugling with severe problems in my life. The main reason was breakup with my girlfriend after 3 years. Since the breakup I havent slept more than 5 hours a day, I don’t even go out anymore (in fear I might see her) and overall I’ve isolated myself from the outside world and things got so far I’ve been inches away from commiting suicide, however there came a point where things started to go more positive; me and ex talked about the breakup and deicided that it’s best for both of us if we just stay friends, I’ve got […]

Emptiness,

I welcome you home with open arms and back into the ravines of my heart.

The one composed from archives of incisions and hallucinated lullabies

I am left  dreaming of infinite sleep, humming softly words from a dead mockingbird.

wow, 10 huge 2 inch deep cuts hurt like fucking hell, the bleeding wont stop hmmm idk how i feel calm and alarmed at the same time??? ugh! why did i give in again to the cutting i was doing so good trying to quit now i gave in and now im in blood and tears but still remaining calm

I’m not even afraid of dying. I think I’ve proven that much. No, I’m afraid of failing again. I can’t look everyone in the eyes while laying in a hospital bed again. Call me heartless, but idc what happens after I die. It’s the failing I can’t do again. It seems so easy to die. Every day theres stories on the news about someone who died quick and unexpectedly. Yet when I try, its slow and ineffective. It’s not fair. I’m no stranger to death. But he refuses to take me. I wish he’d take me. But all he does is sabatoge me. No firing […]

I have sooooooo many of them i think to much and i want everything to end ive attempted suicide and failed twice i dont understand how i failed i want help but i cant ask or do it because i know i wont cooperate in the way they want i have sooo many questions and i dont know what to do with them. Can someone help my shut my brain up?
Im sorry Im new to this im not aure if this is right

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I do have a sense of relief right now, since I found this page. And I know it seems stupid that something as simple as stumbling across a website can give me any relief from the way I feel right now, but I’ll take what I can get. I feel like things couldn’t possibly be any worse, but I know thats not true at all, because they have been worse before. I suppose it is a bit comforting to be able to get this off my chest without having the repercussions that telling an actual person can […]

I’m nearly 20 and I’ve spent all of my teenage years miserable, incredibly lonely and really bored of living. I’ve not wanted to be alive for around 5 years and the thought of having to spend more time alive is just awful, especially having to spend more time watching people the same age as me enjoy themselves. Why should anyone have to continue to live when they don’t want to?

im dead on the outside i feel it physically and emotionally im too sad to do anything but lay in bed my energy level to get outa bed is completely gone, i hope i just die tonight no more pain im to much of a fuck-up i have done everything wrong i cant fix i cant take my words back the world is to cruel if i die at night the darkness i feel will stay forever maybe thats not so bad i will die to get away and outa of the pain i miss everythin i lost but i cant have them back so […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8ukJRxv8ng

– Sumer Kolcak

I feel like an alien…Life is not for me
I wish I didn’t exist

HAPPY FATHERS DAY.

Happy Fathers Day everyone! Well, today’s the day. The first Fathers Day without my dad. It’s kinda sad .. I’ve been trying not to think about it, because it’ll just hurt more. I still never found out how he died, I think someone’s hiding something from me. I don’t think autopsy’s take that long, does anyone agree? He’s been gone for about 8 months. Time flies! He was a drug addict. Always has been. He’s always gotten away with everything, & I believe in Karma honestly! Right around the time he died, he was trying to do the right thing. […]