Does anyone burn themselves? Please if you have respond.

I, for the first time in some time was actually happy. The stresses of life had finally been lifted enough for me to cope a little longer. I had a girlfriend, the love of my life, Jasmine. She’s my cousin, but now she broke it off today and I feel numb. My body and limbs felt weak, (similar to male orgasm where my legs feel weird, and now I’m numb. She said its weird that we’re related. But she still loves me. 

I fell for her and I was planning on asking her to marry me in 2 years or so when she’s 18 or so. […]

I heard my phone. I picked it up and said hello, it was my aunt. She said that my mom and dad died in a car accident. I was lost, I ran to my bedroom and ruind everything, I trashed the place. After that I went to the bath. My tears ran down my cheek. It was a scissor on the sink, so I took it and cut it slowly over my arm. I screamd, I did it over, and over again. Sudently my brother came home.  He went in, in to the bathroom. He saw me. I was just laying there tears in my eyes, […]

I can’t even believe it, the complete level of stupidity in humanity. Society fucks the world up and ruins life for everybody who actually thinks, then people say “suicide is the cowards way out” Here are the arguments for why suicide is wrong 1) God says its wrong 2) Life is precious 3) Think of your parents 4) Its not your life to take its god’s 1- Some invisible all powerful wizard will be mad at me okay sure. 2 Life is not precious if you cannot enjoy it 3- They are the reason I even have to kill myself, so thinking about their feelings […]

“I look at my little sister and think how she has inherited the best qualities our family has to offer: my mother’s healing hands, my father’s level head, and my fight. There’s something else there as well, something entirely her own. An ability to look into the confusing mess of life and see things as they are. ” – Mockingjay

Hey guys..

[If there sits anyone in another side of computer and reads this, please wish me sincerely goodluck and send me some power.. in air..]

i came back.. i had a really perfect trip through Europe.. With all the world around me.. Hundreds of people.. Lots of friends.. Well i did say goodbye to my ex-bf finally.. We met and talked.. After all the suffer i told him all of my feelings (thanks god i got beer in my blood!) and he said sorry and that it was […]

There are a lot of people in this world who should die, who deserve to die, and who have no place being alive. I think I top the list.

I’ve always been true to myself, always done what I thought was right. If I had my entire life to live over again, I would do the exact same things that got me into this mess.

I conclude that I am a mistake. I don’t know why I was put here on this planet or whether I was a 1 in a million freak mutation, but I should never have existed. I am the opposite of everything that’s […]

i am grown up with single parents and siblings.
When my mother passed away when i was 10 years old some of my siblings are already overseas studying
I am living with father, grand mother and other siblings

I am feel very lonely.
My father is very busy working.
I love both my father and grandmother very much
After my mother left, I am scared to sleep alone
however every midnight i always get a weird nightmare

I always dreamt that my grand mother going to get marry again
and leaving us. which always make me shivering and cry at midnight
I cried silently, scared to wake […]

People says that war is cruel and everyone deserves peace

but i say otherwise

during the warring era, people fights for their lives everyday, people discerns enemies and allies. While life is fragile it’s also shining brightly.

nowadays, most of the world is in the state of perpetual peace. The fighting still continues, but only within every human, we can no longer identify enemies and allies, most jobs no longer requires physical prowess since hard labor are being done by machines.

Humans keep getting weaker everyday, rather than evolving their physical body, they keep manufacturing things to lessen their burdens, while using tools is not a bad thing but […]

Well- this is harder than initially thought.
How do you attempt to explain something you’re not sure of ?
If I were to guess at what stage triggered my feelings today, I would say childhood. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, maybe a handful of events all in all. Why this is I don’t know, repressed memories, perhaps ? Bad memory, more likely?
I am in no way saying I had a bad childhood. I know my parents loved me, although I don’t think my mother was ready for children, still don’t. 
I am 20 years old and deeply confused. When I was around 12 […]

Sick,

I am constanly making mistakes to my boyfriend, I don’t want to but I keep doing them. I can barely live with myself after the mistakes I make, I don’t mean to fuck whats wrong with me. I don’t want too but I keep doing it he wants to leave me because of them all and I don’t want him too I don’t know why I cant put a stop to the mistakes! As simple as falling asleep on him, fuck. Whats wrong with me I don’t want to harm him I dont want him to leave and I have failed to fix my reoccurring […]

Death haunts me.

I’ve kids that I am close to and who I see regularly. A faithful and loving girlfriend. A loving family. A great job that I love. People who value me.

No one who knows me would believe the thoughts that I surpress.  The anxiety I feel cripples me. The emotions that I show are hollow. Guilt and self-loathing haunt me.

What I desire is annihilation. Numbness, which I partly achieve it through secret and not-so-secret drug use (alcohol, anti-depressants, diazepam, cocaine, weed, ecstasy, speed). Too many rely me. The only way I could express my true feelings would be through suicide. I’ve survived suicidal relatives, and cannot inflict […]

Have you ever felt as though someone has tied your arms and legs and thrown you in a deep pool? You sink deeper and deeper relying on Hope to fish you out because Hope has a friend called Help and Help knows Healing. But Hope never comes and you continue to struggle as the water drags you deeper into its depths. The worst part is that Death never comes.. instead you are to sink and struggle.

Thats what life seems to feel like for me. 10 years ago at the tender age of 13 , I would never ever suspected or guessed I would feel I […]

year after year, things never change
you find your way, i stay the same
blackened heart
dilapidated body
fettered in a cyclic whirl of hate
another year gone by devoid of love
how long until i find a way
a way to leave this place
please, please, please
on this day of celebration
i nominate death
though you wish me happy birthday
i wish myself a happy day of death
i’ve advanced a long way through the darkness

only to find the innumerable perpetrators of filth

i bow to the king of will restriction

the king of my death

i am

I know this is really selfish but i want to feel like the middle of someones world for just a second. Not any longer. I want someone to come up to me, put their arms around me and say “Hey, how was your day?”
Just once.

second post for today.

i am so tired and yet i tried to sleep, i couldnt. i sorta just lay there staring at nothing. closing my eyes hoping sleep would come over me. but nothing. i used to sleep so well. well better. i would just dirft off quickly and that would be it, nothing until my alarm went off the next day. now i get less and less. sunday night, i got 4 hours. monday, about the same, tuesday 2 hours and wednesday (now) i am just staring off into space. my sleep deprevation comes from being stressed and i can’t minimise it unfortunately. but […]

I don’t care anymore.
I don’t care if there are people with bigger problems.
I don’t care about my job.
I don’t care if there will be happiness in my future that I will not see being dead.
I don’t care about others (even you).
I don’t care about trying to explain to a psychologist.
I don’t care about the things I used to enjoy.
I don’t care if a couple of people will cry for my loss.
I don’t care about myself.
I don’t care about anything.

I just want to shut down and be quiet.

Seriously, what’s the point of living? Not suicidal at the moment, but really, why do we struggle to survive for?

back again. this actually helps. so went to work today. didn’t want to. not after yesturday. not after my boss yelled at me and embaressed me in front of everyone. i thought how bad can he be today. turns out, not bad. except that…. he didn’t acknowledge what he did yesturday. no apology no anything. i used to have so much respect for him. i looked up to him, he is an awesome vet and surgeon. and i respected that and him. but now i have none left for him. he treated me like crap and did not apologise or give a hint of remorse, […]

I can think of the Suicide Project as my Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr where I can actually open up abt Everything! without people thinking Im crazy of emo 😊