I made the decision when I was 14 years old that I did not want to live, life was just not worth it.
I know now, about to be 24 that I was too young to make that decision, but in almost 10 years, a week has not gone by when I don’t want it too end.
I put a gun to my head that night, and was to afraid to pull the trigger. I have kept holding guns to my head so much, the number probably is close to a thousand….it has become so bad, that a majority of my nights, I have […]

On one hand I’m hopeless and wish that I could have the courage to die. I tried it once but I chickened out at the end, childish as I am. Still, I believe everybody has the right to do with their life as they please, for any reason they please, including ending it.

On the other hand, I sort of feel guilty for wanting to die. I think I might have first-world problems, and it could always be worse, like having third-world problems of dirty water/no food/etc. or quadriplegia/no arms, and there are always those quotes that tell you “life is what you make of it”, […]

I’m going to start posting on here for now on, I’m new to this & there’s a lot I want to say.

i was pretty when i was little and now i am just ugly. it doesnt matter how many times someone says “your pretty” it has never stuck to me. i have and always felt ugly. it kills me because i think no guy will like me. I am one of the girls a guy will have sex with just to do it not to care about them but just fuck someone that’s one reason why i wont do it.

i hate this feeling. i honestly feel like i will be lonely forever. every time a get a boyfriend they dump me right b4 a holiday […]

Stop being unhappy with yourself, you’re perfect. Stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. Stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. Stop hating you body, your face, your personality, your quirks, love them. Without those things you wouldn’t be you, and why would you want to be anyone else? Be confident with who you are. If anyone hates you for being happy with yourself then screw them, because you’re awesome just the way you are.

I hate this. I am on the edge again and the pain is unbearable. I really need an effective method to end this. I am sure now and won’t give up of this decision. Maybe i was seeking for attention but now i when i am not receiving it i am sure i can go in peace. since no one will be hurt. and they say that people move on anyway and the world keeps turning around. Sure i am weak and yes i am giving up but at lest i finally know what i want.
if it mend to be different it could  be. […]

fuck those demons they make my heart beat so fast it sares me my breathing is so loud i fear others will here. DAMN make it stop the guilt of everything i put people trough omfg it makes me spin in panic i am happy for a sec but no the sadness is so seductive i wanna be in it cuz i deserve it. fuck the deoms that r playing with my mind fuck fuck fuck u demons. WHY? its taking all i can to not take a knife and eat me with it slit my throat i already tried to chocke myself earlier so […]

Im sitting in my closet. Idk why cause my door is locked but I just feel safer in here I guess. I wish I could stay here forever. Away from the world. Away from my friends and family. Away from having any responsibilities. Away from society. Away from ever having to look at myself. I hate myself. Sometimes I feel like I want to go to the mental hospital and just be crazy not ever having to hold back what I feel cause it might hurt someone. I just can’t handle my life anymore. I dont see the joy and I don’t have the hope […]

I finally told someone about how I feel. Two of my friends. One of them was really supportive and told me to come to her whenever, the other was a *****. She got mad at me and said that she always asked is I was okay and if I needed help (she never did). Now I realize how dumb it was, they really don’t care that much. All they care about is how they look, not about how I feel. I should’ve just kept it to myself, I’m such an idiot. Honestly, I feel horrible all the time, and then I felt worse. I can’t […]

Everyone in my family hates me.  All my friends are moving on.  I can actually feel myself falling in with the crowd I said I’d always stay away from.  I’m falling in with the stoners and the dealers; me, who used to be so smart and perfect, and who used to want to be so smart and perfect.

But if I can’t get companionship with people who don’t give a fuck what I do to myself, I won’t find it anywhere.  Because I hate all of them in my family as much as they hate me.  And mostly I don’t miss my ‘friends’.

Fuck it.  I just […]

I just want to be alone, noone around me just alone. Being alone allows us not to give people the oppertunity of destroying us, i rather destroy myself alone in solitude.Nnothing matters anymore. There is not space to think about the future, or even the past there is no space for anything anymore. Just me, myself and i and an empty space around me. I dont have the strenght to fight for happinnes; happiness is a myth. I just want to train myself to be alone all my life, and never to feel anything again. Feelings are bad i no longer need them, they are  a human […]

Fuck life? No, fuck the people who made you think that

You’re ugly? Who are they to judge?

You’re worthless? No, you’re worth it.

You want to die? No, we need you to save lives.

All hope is gone? No, you just need to look

Want to be happy? Yes, but it only starts with YOU.

One day, we’ll have our story and we will save lives and we will make life worth it, hand in hand. We will make it…you are beautiful.

Wow. I’m soooooo excited about leaving and going to Florida! 😀 Can’t wait. gonna be sooooo happy…. Nope… Just found out it’s posible., more probable that I may not get to go after all….. Well… oh well…. not a big deal…. Just Florida…. It’s just my mom…. Just… I SWEAR IF I CAN’T GO, I WILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF!! FUCK THIS PLACE!!! HEARTLESS PEOPLE!!! Damnit!!! It has destroyed me inside to hold on this long for her, for Florida. NO! If I can’t go, then I probably won’t see her until at least Christmas, maybe not even until next summer. No! If I have to […]

I got called a ‘*****’ by my mom for laughing. I was thinking about her hitting her toe on my bed and burst into laughter. And in a coincident, the daughter of her enemy was outside looking tacky as fuck, so my mom just assumed that i was laughing at her. Here’s how it went.
Me: * burst into laughter*
Mom: what’s so funny?
Me: hold on *continues laughing*
Mom: you need to quit laughing at people because you wouldn’t like it if peoples talked about you
Me:im not laughing at her.
Mom: yes you are! and you didnt brush your teeth today, did you?!

I’m sitting here drinking my fifth jack and coke by myself stuck in a town where i don’t have anyone to hang out with and right now i really need someone to hang out with or just talk to. To get me through this. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I’m just ready to be done with life.

Why can’t people be more like dogs or cats? Why do people hold grudges, harbor ill will, do nasty things to each other?

I’m a fine one to be asking these questions. I’m a perfect example of everything that’s wrong with the human race. I have more grudges than a stack of phone books. I’m filled up to my neck with ill will. And although I’ve never meant to be nasty, I’m pretty sure I’ve managed to hurt everyone who has ever gotten to know me.

But despite me being the monster that I am, my dog doesn’t care.

“If there are no dogs in Heaven,
then when […]

Its too hard and anyone who ever cared for me has given up on me. Maybe its just time to let go.

And all we are waiting for is for something worth waiting for

My life is pointless…I want to escape from this world and the only way is suicide

Shut out the darkness with more darkness

Go on, invite Him in

He’ll make you a pretty little carcass

All for your sin.

He won’t feel sorrow

Nor pity, no

He’ll be doin’ the same tomorrow

Just a different city foe.

He’s a very busy man,

Very busy indeed

From this life He’ll ban

You, while he laughs a wordless creed.

So repent your sins little lamb

Or to the slaughter you’ll go

‘Cause he won’t give a damn,

When your tears start to flow.