Everyone ignore nbarules12 he is an obvious troll.

Thanks to everyone that replyed last night. I was so desperate and I don’t think I could have made it through the night. I was too determined to end it. I slept all day today and I’m a little better now.

I can’t believe I finally posted here. Last night is  still a haze, I’m a bit dizzy now too. Been on my own for so long, I’ve been staying in this house for far too long. I’m not too good with words but I just wanna thank you all! 🙂

I told him I smoked weed this weekend n that back in April I had smoked even though I told him I didn’t. I thought it was better to be honest with him but apparently I was wrong. Now he’s all serious n don’t really want to talk to me. I feel horrible now, but I don’t think I did anything wrong. Did I?? Oh well I guess I won’t care. FUKK IT!!! I’ll fuck up my life. Summers here, if all goes well I won’t have to put up with anything anymore.

Yes life can be difficult, I won’t deny that. We do go through our good times and bad times. Ive had depression for 2 years and still trying to heal from it. I used to cut myself, which eventually made me feel worse. I never really had friends that I could talk to, so basically I thought that I was complettely alone. Then I realized that i’m not,  because I have people at my church that I can talk to and God. Oh btw i’m 15 and my name is Deana. For the people suffering from depression try to look at all the positive stuff […]

I feel for all of you here. I wish I could help you all escape the misery of this awful world! It is so hard in this world. I don’t know how I’m still here! My fear of death stops me from taking my life these days but boy do I think about it every fkn day. I have tried so many times in my past, to end this misery of a life, but UNFORTUNATELY I’m still here! I don’t want to be here anymore! Since childhood, I have tried to hold onto just the smallest amount of hope,that one day things will get better, […]

I know how it feels to be sad. Depressed. Like no one cares. Like you don’t want to live anymore. I feel that right now. I would think a lot on how would I kill myself. Finally I made up my mind.. I wasn’t going to hang myself, or cut my throat or wrist. I figured the best way was to over dose. What could happen. I wouldn’t feel the pain. I would just take the pills and go to sleep. No big deal. I would say no one would care. I am just some ugly stupid girl  who is stupid and worthless. I am sitting […]

Its hard to put into words how much I truly hate every second of living on this earth. For reasons and forces unknown I wasn’t ever meant to be anything of value. my parents admit i was a mistake, not aborting me was an even bigger one. now im paying for their mistakes.

From kindergarten to highschool, I was always outcast. I was the kid that didn’t even get bullied because he was of lower social stature. which made no sense, I was nice. I always helped out and always tried to be a good friend. In all it was everybody’s fetish to use me for […]

the past two days have been hell. the person i care the most about lied and back stabbed me. i’m afraid of myself. im afraid that im going to fall back into my old habits. the only thing i’ve eaten for two days is about 5 nacho chips. (no cheese) and i have mostly lost my entire desire to even eat. im never hungry anymore and im eating less and less. i’m afraid because this is how my pattern starts i know it is. i guess im not exactly sure what im doing on this blog or even just writing this but i dont know […]

Have i reached the point when i stop caring, when the numbness finally wraps me coldly…or am i just crazy

I don t know but it feels great. I can’t eat which is awesome and i hope it will last because i wanted too lose weight anywayz. I can’t sleep either which concerned me since i could sleep like always at every time of  the day and sometimes i overslept the entire day. I am failing exams and not studying but i don t feel guilty. I am not happy nor sad or angry i am just here, existing and it s fine. i wanted this […]

It’s almost been a year now. A year since I pushed the only person out of my life who made life worth living. Since then I’ve become an alcoholic, abandoned my personal morals regarding premarital sex, am stuck in a relationship that I don’t know how to get out of, and have become even more depressed then I thought I could be.
Meanwhile my closest companion has gone off to better herself spiritually and with an education, and is apparently now in a relationship. Hopefully the person she is with now doesn’t hurt her as badly as I did.
I don’t know if I have […]

Life is too had to handle Today is the day. The world is nothing but heartless indivduals who only care for themselves and $$

I found a really neat phrase the other day: “Pyrrhic victory”.

It comes from the Greek general Pyrrhus who fought & won a battle against the Romans but it cost him so many lives he said another victory like that would ruin him.

I feel like my entire life is a Pyrrhic victory. I’m surviving, so I guess I’m victorious. But at what cost? My mind is utterly ruined. I’ve made bitter enemies of everyone who ever knew me. My soul, if ever I had one, is so dark and heavy it’ll drag me down for 100 lifetimes.

What I can’t understand for the life of me is […]

According to experts you have a mental illness if: 1) You have “gross and persistent irresponsibility for social norms, rules and obligations(Antisocial Personality Disorder) 2) Actively refuses to comply with majorities – Requests or consensus supported rules -Argues often(Oppositional Defiance Disorder) It is sad how its not really your life, you are not free to live how you choose, society expects things even though it is your life. You are expected to : Get a job, get married, follow all laws,have kids,contribute to society. I just want to live for myself and do what I want to. Its sad how you are supposed […]

Why is it every time we want to change something as a country, we feel the need to change everything and make a new arrangement. Its not a rubix cube, you don’t have to change things that work. Why not keep things that work and and add on other things that work. The reason this country is messed up is because there are sides to everything and they don’t care about making America better, they care about beating the other side.

Woke up from a very disturbing nightmare, into this life that is a nightmare that i live in. Even with my daughter waking up beside me it still cant save me from the brutal reality. I live with my grandparents still,. my grandma has fibromialgia, depression, and barely talks to me, i hate her, im trying to watch Bella and shes sleeping on the couch, i asked her to move she wouldnt, said she wasnt like “sleep sleeping” lol *****. I fucking hate her, i know she heard me screaming this morning as i woke up, i seen her, she said nothing. Ill do it […]

I am 28 years old still living with my parents and I am ready to give up. In fact giving up is something I have become good at over the years. I now have no money and thousands of dollars in debt (never finished college) oh and by the way my mother is an alcoholic and my father has cancer.Our home is also infested with bedbugs and we have 4 dogs that all they do is bark and go to the bathroom all over the house. I have never had my own car I did move our briefly when I was 23 but that didn’t […]

Have tried several times to seriously end things. I feel even more stuck than before all of this started. I don’t seem to be able to end it, but I cannot live this life anymore and I am so physically and emotionally weak and can feel the life draining from me. When I do not want to fight and when nobody is there to fight with/for me, what is the point?

i have been cutting myself for the past 6 yrs, as well as making myself vomit. i have been doing this since i was 9 yrs old. im adopted, and i hate the family that i am in now. my parents never let me do what i want and my dad offten touches me in ways that i do not like. i have been phsically bullied and only recently moved on, people at school make fun of me and call me an emo and anorexic. i feel like everyhting is pointless and theirs no reason to keep going. the only things im good at […]

Does anyone know any good coping mechanisms that could help me when i get filled with anger?
I usually cut myself to calm myself down. Any suggestions are fine.
Thanks guys.

I hurt myself because I want to be noticed. I don’t want to die. I just want someone to truly understand how much I am hurting inside.