Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I start to cry again. My chest will hurt every time the emptiness comes. It hurts so bad. I know it is not heart burn. I know I should be excited that school is going to end Thursday but I’m not. It’s hell being at school especially when people brag about their bf or gf but it is also hell at home. I can’t leave my home because well, I have nobody to hang out with anymore. Ugh…the pain. Although I am kind of happy that I also get my braces off Thursday. I’m […]
I wanna get really drunk so my skin goes numb (is that weird, by the way? That it does that?) and cut my thighs up until they’re shredded, and then run a hot bath and take a knife to my arms and say goodbye.
But I’m not skinny enough yet… maybe someday, when I can die looking like a human being, and not a blob of fat.
Oh here i am writting again, i think this is the only place i can express how i really feel or maybe evn here i cant. i mean its so hard to explain what goes through my fucked up head, im so angry at myself i just want to pull my hair out till the pain is no longer felt. In my previous posts i wrote about my boyfriend and i guess this one is devoted to him too. So where do i start…. sometimes we say things in anger and stress which we dont mean and sometimes the things we mean we dont say… […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
I have this friend, let’s call her Brooke. Brooke was my best friend in kindergarten and all throughout elementary school. When middle school arrived, we’ve slowly started to drift apart. It’s eighth grade now and we’re friends, but not like before. I regret everything, all our fights and misunderstandings, the judging behind each other’s backs and the backstabbing things we’d do. All I want is to be there for her and be her friend, but I feel like it’s too late.
Brooke has cut, she’s cried, she’s been heartbroken, and hurt in many ways. Similar to me. And because these things happen to me, it’s why […]
So.. Im new to this whole site.. but i have no one to talk to .-. and i just need that? So basicly.. im 15.. and well i wasnt raised in a broken home, or in a bad area or anything like that. But when i look in the mirror.. i just hate what i see x-x im fat, and ugly, and disgusting.. no guy has ever tried anything with me, never had a boy friend, never had a kiss, i havent had anything. and i go to school, im only a freshman, but i see all these couples.. and i go places and see […]
So here’s a question for those who know about cutting. Does the depth of the cut depend on the knife or blade that you use? I use a small blade from a sharpener and I bleed A LOT. Does using a steak knife make the wounds worse? Or can you make just as deep a cut using a small blade? Also I cut on my waist where no one can see it…if I cut so deep would it be harder to get stitches? And is there an artery that I should be careful of???
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
I heard this and everything went quiet…
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
And it’s peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under.
And it’s breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for […]
I beat my machine it’s a part of me it’s inside of me
I’m stuck in this dream it’s changing me I am becoming
the me that you know he had some second thoughts
he’s covered with scabs and he is broken and sore
the me that you know doesn’t come around much
that part of me isn’t here anymore
all pain disappears it’s the nature of my circuitry
drowns out all I hear there’s no escape from this my new consciousness
the me that you know used to have feelings
but the blood has stopped pumping and he’s left to decay
the me that […]
Okay, so this is my first post. I’ve been looking at this site for a week or so to see if would help me, so I thought that explaining my situation may help me.
I got divorced last year after finding out that my wife was having a FaceBook affair with a guy in the USA (I’m in the UK). To be honest, that didn’t really bother me as I wasn’t happy anyway. We agreed that I would have guardianship of my son, as to be honest, I am the better parent. So what do I have to be unhappy about?
I have a house that is […]
So, recently my stepfather has been telling me he doesn’t care about me. He has been saying he won’t care if I run away and he doesn’t care about me one bit. He has been yelling at me and almost hitting me . Thank god I called child services on him because he would of hit me if I never did that .So many things are happening at once so Last night, I beat myself up again. So bad it hurts to walk. I then couldn’t take it and cut myself again. Braking 10 months. It wasn’t even cutting it was like a scrap […]
My race I have run and my time is done. Have traveled this mortal coil for several decades and found nothing worth me living for. Add some abuse and a couple of bouts of non self caused disease to that and you have a nice little going away party.
Then again maybe my programming was faulty out of the factory. Some organisms just cannot be repaired.
Yet life has many different things to offer different people. Some things so precious and special that to leave them behind would more painful for the individual who observes it so. And if you have anything that is perceived as such, […]
I came across this site the other day while looking on the internet for, well the obvious, a way out. I didn’t really know what to say after logging on to the forums, I guess there’s so much but I’m used to keeping everything to myself due to fear of judgement. I’ve been reading other posts people have put up in the forum and can see I’m not alone, which gives me a strange sense of comfort.
It’s taken me a while to really understand or rather admit to myself while I feel I can’t go on living anymore, mostly through guilt, loneliness, a feeling of […]
One year has passed since I saw you last.
The memories I have amassed are fading fast.
You could neve be at peace with the haunts of your past.
You left my heart broken, it still wants a cast.
I now sit alone in this summer field of grass.
Thinking of the winds that carry your ash.
I now stand alone on this winter hill of snow.
Torn because you couldn’t say, and I can never know.
One more year has passed since I saw you last.
All I can remember is the sound of your laugh.
Its never enough, it will forever only equal […]
I’m am writing this to you from my bedroom floor. Two bottles of wine later and I have not died yet.
Synopsis for the…. Night/morning: if not dead, wake up and drink more.
Thank you,
That is all xoxoxo
Death, I don’t know. At this point I’m staring at the screen, feeling out of my body. Not connected. I want drugs, I want sex, I want passion. Actually maybe not passion, passion destroys death, brings you to life. You can see right through me.
Its been heating up nicely in Pennsylvania. Had some ugly (obvious self harm) scars on my arm since last November. 5 of them, they made me sick. I was so fucked up (drunk) when I did them it was hazey to remember. I used a steak knife because I didn’t have a razor. Really tore the skin apart. (Saw fatty tissue) the next day I was fucking pissed. I let a fucked up shell of the worst of me scar me. The first month was bad. They wouldn’t heal. I thought I was going to have to stich it up myself with fishing line because […]
I’m addicted to sex.
It’s sad really, I get excited in the beginning, but once it’s happening, the magic dies and it’s numbing. I don’t know why the excitement doesn’t last, but I can’t stop or want him to stop.
Just the feeling of him pushing into me, retreating, entering, leaving, I never want him to stop even though I’m not excited anymore. I guess it’s knowing that even though he leaves me, he’ll always come back on time. It’s maintaining that schedule, the rhythm that I long for.
Even when he’s satisfied, I never want him to stop. If I had it my way, I would want […]