I have had suicidal thoughts for several years now, some days are worse then others. I started living care-free…drinking until I black-out, putting myself in bad situations, and taking pills until I end up sick. I never really put enough thought into what my family would have to go through if I left. I felt like if I could somehow explain my pain to them…leave a thorough note, they would eventually understand. Day before yesterday I lost one of the most beautiful people I know. Just like that…she’s gone. Everyone is flipped upside-down, questioning what we could have said…done…anything to stop this. 22 years old, […]
I am clean today-
From another cut, a lit cigarette,
Meth and cocaine.
I did not toke or even inject.
Nor did I take speed with a hint of ‘e.’
There was no alcohol-
So I didnt drink.
Not another LSD or Ketamine.
No GHB mixed with steriods.
Or the Methadone that kills.
The piles of Phencyclidene is-
All gone.
Same with Bezocaine to Lidocaine.
Nope, I am clean today.
I liked the taste of your lips,
But then later on it turned bitter.
I tried to ignore it-
I couldnt.
The warmth that was there beside me-
Automatically turned into cold.
It’s because if winter?
Cause my skin seems to bleed,
And my teeth start to chatter.
There’s no grasp of life.
I breathe in the poisoned air-
As it slithers down my throat-
Something says let go.
I cannot simply do that,
The music that rang in my ear-
One day stopped.
I searched high and low,
But I cannot find my Wonderland.
Why is everything leaving,
Is it a wish that I […]
Body weakens,
Tears start to swell.
The fox’s has been caught by the hound.
All guard drops,
Trembling starts.
Not knowing what’s gunna happen next…
Lying in a cage with chains on.
The lock is sealed tight,
Our eyes in fear and discontent.
Retracing the steps we have taked.
Thinking and concentrating where it went all wrong.
Punishments being played while,
Getting suffered in this cage.
Nothing is beside us…,
Nothing is here to hold onto us,
Except our own words and hugs.
Praying for understandments so they wont kill us.
A voice is raised but no hands,
The voice is scary.
It can bring […]
after everything iv tried i’m still here…. I don’t get it i’ve lost so much blood that i dident even know i could bleed this much. I’m broken down I can’t keep going like this. With spring here I wount be able to keepwring hoodies and lng sleve shirts so people wil start to notice and ill get sent away for “help” once again…. Why can’t I just end it for once and all! i mean as soon as they see my cutts they wil have more things to make fun of me with i alreddy get called a fag everyday… I don’t know […]
I’ve been on here a while and I have posted a lot of depressing rubbish in my time here. However one thing I must say is that this site really does help… writing things down always helps.
I remember when i wrote my first suicide note, when I was 17… deciding to write one might have just saved me… it made me aware. I’m glad there is a site like this around for people to just unleash their frustrations and I haven’t come across a single person that I dislike, we are all in the same boat and we are all friends in some weird way.
Well […]
Everytime I become comfortable with the fact that I’m eventually going to do this, I realize I’m forgetting one thing: I am in fact, as insignificant as I may feel, leaving people behind who care about me. I’m not so deluded to the point that I don’t understand that what I’m about to do will destroy them. I hate feeling guilty. I hate that they aren’t going to just bounce back. I wish I could just disappear and they could go on as if I had just moved away or we just don’t talk anymore. People are going to miss me. I’ll be able to […]
I give up on people. I give up on the hope of ever feeling anything other than pain. I give up. I wish to just disappear. I wish to die and never to experience pain. I hate people. Everyone in my life is unjust, cold, mean, cruel. No one gives a shit. No one ever stops to think about me. I wish to never come out of my house. I wish to never encounter another cold person who does not give a shit.
I do not wish to have anything fancy only some little joy. I once felt hopeful that one day the pain would […]
I’m not sure but I just don’t want to play by the rules of life and nature… I find it unfulfilling & tiring. I see no other choice but to deliberately end it. I am shocked at the rate people bring new babies into the world when it is such a struggle to find any sort of value that is greater than the cost in getting it to make it worthwhile.
My friends and I haven’t been getting along. One said she was being a B**** to me because i crave attention. I just want someone to care about me and be there for me. Then another friend I lost is a girl that said she didn’t like me because I cry to much & that she don’t care. I cry in front of her because I felt like she’s someone I can talk to. But she does the same thing & I don’t talk mess about her. Someone give me advice please.
Sometimes it seems like my most painful thoughts are provoked by some of my happiest memories. Â I am sure to be found crying if at first I was seen smiling. Â At first, I just wanted the hurt to go away; to forget the painful memories. Â Now, I will gladly be encompassed by them if I could only forgot that which made me happy.
I feel lost, entangled in a web in which there is no discerning truth from lies; reality from fantasy. Â Am I going crazy? Â Have I always been crazy? Or are we all trapped inside our own webs and that is just life? Â If […]
I’m scared. I feel like I’m losing everyone. Like NO ONE loves me. I told my friend I do stuff for attention. Now she hates me. I feel like no one understands me. Am I the only one that wants someone to love me??? Someone please give me advice.. ):
I caught genital herpes seven and a half months ago. Most people don’t have symptoms; most of those who do have mild symptoms. I have constant symptoms. I was already unhappy before I caught this. Now I have lesions on my penis most of the time and I will be contagious for the rest of my life. Sex was about the only thing that made me feel whole. Now I can’t have sex without feeling guilty and frightened. The outbreaks won’t stop and when they hit I lose all will to live.
Broken words stumble off my lips, littering your mind with hollow truth / Everything is fine, really, I’m just confused / Memories made of searing flame, pierce my soul with deadly aim / The slow burn of defeat, ashes fall as I weep / Inside this abyss, the embers of my core drift away, torturing my solid state / This pain is real, make no mistake /A prey to grief, I seek the shelter of expiration; the cataclysm of my desperation / My will to fight consumed by apathy, the familiar taste of failure returns to the back of my throat / My […]
I give up ,I don’t think anymore in such bullshit as happiness ,it’s just a stupid moment that ends quickly and returns pains stronger than ever .Do u know the feeling of loving someone that doesn’t love you back,seeing him everyday with that smile ,that face and not being able even to talk to him ,well he seems interested in you sometimes but u hate yourself that much that you think that he probably feels sorry about you. Do u know the feeling of being in a room full of people that hate you and show it in every possible way ? And the stupidest […]
Bummed out and angry – no reason for it. I feel like I’m going to cry, shatter, fall apart.
Oh well. Here goes my razor blade, slicing into my arm again.
(I hate how this is what I have to resort to)
Nothing is for certain. We all end up on this site for the same reason – a great deal of pain. Many reach out for help or a human connection. They bare their souls with words. Another attempts to respond in kind. Sometimes it incites a response, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s foolish to think words can suffice but still – nothing is impossible.
Some are included based on quality and not quantity, some have both. They are in no special order except for having been active within a week. Forgive me if I missed you, I am limited in energy.
To those who continue to do/attempt the […]
I’m exhausted from the complete emptiness I feel. I have failed at so much in life (I appear realitivly accomplished) But I know the truth, I know the unforgivable mistakes I have made. I know the complete inability I have to help my children (young adults) not repeat, not suffer. I know the depth of how far off the mark I am to reaching any inner peace. I want to just pull the lever, hop off the bus, and lay down in front of it. The only thing that has stopped my exit is not knowing how severely it may affect my son, daughter, granddaughter […]
My story is kind of long but I will just give the short version: I think I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Regardless, I am convinced I am a freak because of something that you all will probably think is absolutely ridiculous (but it distressed me nonetheless): the size of my hands.
No, I am not trolling. I am serious.
I am a 5’1 adult female and my hands are 6 inches long. I feel that they are too small for my body. I don’t know if this is true or not. I have had some comments on their smallness. I was on a date once and the […]
today i was told to kill my self and i have been told im worthless and alll that shit so ive tooken alot of pills so i guess im just really waiting to see what happens but ive realized now that i want to stay for this one girl and i should have realized earlyer but im afraid to tell any one now becuse i dont want to be sent to some place were ill be looked at like im some fucked up kid (sorry for the bad spelling im a retarded )