I’ve started out with a terrible life. When I was 2 my real dad tried murdering me. When I was three he choked me to death but the emt brought me to life again. I wish I could of just died then so I wouldn’t have to go thru this pain any longer. My lifes falling apart at the seams again…. I’m 14 and tried suicide 5 times! But each time at the end when I’m about to die someone saves me even when I try fighting them. At this exact moment I feel unwated unloved and depressed. I’m thinking of suicide because who would […]
Times are getting tougher….
They snipped out semesters from the college I’m going to because of budget cuts. I can’t find a job in this f*cked up economy. I’m 21 years old and still living with my parents. I feel so ashamed because I can’t find a job or other school where I can finish getting my degree. F*cking economy. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore… I just want to end it. I just want someone to kill me. I just feel so useless…………
I could kill myself right now.
But you’re fine at the moment…..
Still?
You won’t kill yourself, you know you never will.
And how are you so sure that I won’t?
I’m you, idoit.
You’re quite rude, you know that and also mind, brain or whichever part is talking to me, shut up.
So? I’m you and that makes you rude as well doesn’t it…..But back to the main focus point. What’s wrong now?
Nothing I suppose……
Oh shut up. I’m you, you’re bored and when you’re bored you like to think of horrid situations but you and I both know that isn’t the cause of the state you’re in most of the time.
I […]
Do you believe in fate? If yes, then I have another question for you. If someone commits suicide, was it fate? Meaning, even if you or someone else attempted to stop them it would have happened anyway because it is their fate? I’m not saying fate should be blamed, I’m just beginning to believe that some things in life are inevitable no matter how much we humans try to change it.
Today I read an article in Psychology Today. In it a successful author was interviewed and he said that  most success in life is governed by chance. Basically someone could work just as hard and […]
Do i really want to be here? i dont know. i do but then i dont. i hate my life. i hate myself. i hate everything about me. i feel like noone really likes me. only reason i havent killed myself is because im scared of the pain it will cause physically and mentally. i think about killing myself everyday. i think of why why am i here on this earth. i hurt my self when im upset. i used to cut myself all over my body a years ago but i stopped once my friend and mother started to see the scars. so do […]
my entire life, im always surrounded by cow heads,people that expect apologies when i lose myself, but they are always inocent,wen i do something wrong thats why im the first one to admit it, ill literally call myself out because it pisses me off wen other people do and i aint afraid of admiting shit,but i have so much rage inside me just boiling, and certain things, only certain things, have been happening repeatedly my whole life, so a year ago i lost the last of my trust for people, i shut everyone off, and i am content, as long as i dont let people […]
every fucking little thing i do is completely wrong in every way in every eye. i hold it all in during the day but when i come home i blow up on whoever and i hate myself and everyone and sometimes like now i probably sound illiterate. i hurt myself. if not physically, i abuse my mind. i almost think i love the pain but i want to die and no one believes me. my mom expects me to deal with it myself and won’t take me to a doctor because she “doesn’t want to seem like a bad parent” yeah fuck you too ***** […]
I need to die
I’m not right
I can’t feel
My heart can’t feel
My body can’t feel
I’m already dead
What’s the point in living?
For a purpose that will never happen………
Why do I even try?
Try to stay alive is it to feel some sort of emotion bar this empty feel
I even wish I could feel pain now
Yet I have a clear mind and know cutting isn’t right but I fear it’ll go down that route soon, very soon or that of an anorexic.
I’m guessing that of an anorexic will be the easiest option after all no one would […]
I just feel like writing, it really helps me.
sry this is gunna be all over the place\:
I like to try and think rationally, and honestly. I finally have been honest with myself, and its the best thing that has ever happened to me. Until now, I have been in denial with the stigma of my ‘disorders’ /issues. ( selective mutism, socialphobia, anxieties, borderline agoraphobia, depression, mild OCD (some of these are self diagnosed)as well as feelings of suicidal ideation, lonliness, social awkwardness, isolation,…and more..
I didn’t want to accept having most of these issues, I literallyy wanted to invent a time machine so I could go […]
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore, I honestly don’t want to die, at least not anymore, but I don’t want to live like this anymore either. For the past couple of days I’ve been considering running away, that solution seems perfect for me, I would be alive but I would also be living a different life, and it doesn’t even matter if that life would be hard and I would have to struggle because anything’s better than where I am now, the only problem with that is that I’m only 14, I’ll be 15 in a month but that doesn’t really […]
I was talking to someone a couple of months ago threw a post of mine and she helped me out alot. I know her screen name but how do I find her so I can email her?
Apologies for the incoherence; what follows is a personal rant:
Do it. Take away my friends. I’m paranoid as hell right now, and I don’t think I can take being calm and under control. Twist the truth, and turn others against me. Be like B., and J., and R., and all those other f**** that lied about you behind your back to try and make you into a monster when you returned to college. In a better mood I support you, I do my best to convince myself that you are a good person, and now I’m so tired and paranoid I don’t know what to […]
Its funny isnt it when you find it hard to trust and love people, and the moment you do people bring you up just to let you fall straight onto the ground leaving you broken and like you are  so emotionally drained you arent able to take another breath . After problems with love and feelingun accepted, i found a guy fell in love with him made him my world, unfortunetly love isnt a fairytale and this one will only have a tragic ending, like in romeo and juliet i guess we were star crossed lovers, destined to die… well at least I am, the […]
always think I and praise the god-money
you can be the most despicable person but as long as you have money, you’re somebody
when you’ve lost it all, you’re back to being a nobody
new phone, new car, new partner .. it’s never enough, you always need something more to be happy
dictature of happiness: if you aren’t happy, better to force yourself into looking happy
if you don’t understand somebody, just belittle him/her
watch out for cutters, gay people, loners, minorities, they’re all freaks
Seriously, think back to your teen years or if you are a teen think about it. Everything suck.For me it’s like no one listens,caring, or understands anything about me. I have like no friends so i bury all of my emotions deep down inside. I’m extremely socially awkward. I’m supper shy and it’s hard for me to make friends. I only have 2 friend and one has moved so far away that i will probably never see her again. I’m stuck in the poorest city in america and I really don’t belong here. I hate it so much that I isolate myself in cyber school […]
what is it that they dont get,they can say they know you well, but the moment you put a front up all day to hide the pain behind a smile they assume your happy, then when you finnaly brake down, they say,(stop it, you were happy all day,)well go fuck your self cause if you knew me you would know i hide my emtions, and that was a front,they are so stupid, i even tell them and they must forget or something,i never make sence,or mabey those assholes from the group homes never been through the shit i did or even been through shit to […]
Yesterday I got my living will in order. Cashed in all of my investments and assets. Paid off all my major bills up until the date of my demise. Still have to buy food and sundries though. As well as going to quite a few events and purchasing a lot of anime and asian horror to watch up until the day. Sent off my contributions to the local children’s hospitals. May go and visit again the week before I go.
For once I am at peace.
No more pain and prescription side effects. from the mental meds and the physical meds. Strange how even living a healthy […]
It’s been a month or more. things have been better i guess. to say that i’m suicidal now isn’t entirely true. i’m not even sure if i ever was. I tried it a couple times, yea, but were they really that serious? i have a hard time inflicting self harm.. i still love the thought of being nonexistant though. i’ve read a few stories on here tonight that really made me think. thanks for that
The smallest things can make a person depressed. i guess my story isn’t the only one full of wonderful things. i couldn’t ask for a better life really.. i just don’t […]
I want to be angry. At God. At the people around me. But I can’t. Because I got this idea stuck in my head that every screwed up thing in my life is completely my fault. Damn it! (sorry) Ugh. I just need to calm down. 17 more days. just 17 more days that’s it.17 more days of smiles and lies. No biggie. right? Does anybody wanna talk?? I could really use someone to talk to if you don’t mind
Hope everyone is doing well…..nights can be a pain in the arse to deal with
I’m turninq eiqhteen on the 21 but I don’t think I can make It.My birthday Is cominq up so shouldn’t I be happy?The whole day I’ve literally been depressed.I told my social worker that I need to qo back to the hospital.She said no It’s about time I qet my life toqether,first I need to qet my tattoos removed and qet my GED.She doesn’t understand that I want help.I’m tired of this depression.I’m tired of hidinq my cuts.I want to die.Tomorrow Is when I’ll be leavinq.I was qonna do It today but I just realized that I want to write a suicide note.I’m take the […]