Dear amazing,
I love you. I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I won’t be there when it’s just convenient but I will be there always. I will accept you with loving and open arms. I know you arnt perfect and I know that I am not perfect either. I love you for it. I love every little imperfection and absolutely everything about you. I wanna be your biggest fan. I wanna cheer your life on. I wanna be the person you can trust. I wanna be the light at the end of the tunnel. I want you to […]

How do I tell my suicide story when I am dead?

It is so beautiful outside! It is really warm and sunny.  just look at this blue sky, such a deep blue…

Here I am sitting in my apartment, looking out of the window, wondering what is live for.

I am so disappointed from live. Everything has come different then I thought. All those people I don’t know. All those people who are outside having fun together. Why? what is so funny about being outside with people you barely know? I don’t want to meet new people, it is so exhausting, always introducing myself and almost every time I check them out and know that we won’t become […]

I am out of my own control. I cant even put words here. Hope to stall my self destruction. I searched for a place to die. So Im here.. for now .

just before i start of how i attempted suicide and got depression over a dream i had, i would like to say this might be long and goes for 1500 words.. sorry for so long.. please read it and thanks 🙂

This happend last year when i was 14 years old, i am currently 15 years old…. here what happend. This is in term 3 year 8. I fell asleep on a sunday night, that night i had a dream, i was staring into the eyes of this really beautiful blonde girl… it felt like minutes, just her and me in black emptyness staring into each others […]

its got to the point im seriously considering killing my self today, iv had this date in my mind, i just cant hang on any more, i hope all of you find the right road for youselfs and find happieness.

Some people on here post that they are ashamed to be complaining because they have a relatively comfortable life outside the specific troubles they are dealing with.  There is no reason to be ashamed because you happened to be born in a developed country to people who can give you a decent lifestyle as far as food, clothing, and shelter.  That is the fortune of your birth and you had nothing to do with it.

Sure you can help people who you consider less fortunate.   Still it does not help your mental state for you to add guilt or sadness to your already existing pain.  Nothing […]

I’ve come to realize setting a date may be ‘counterproductive’

how many of you/us have set a date, only to found (y)ourselves thinking: “I’m going to stay a little longer, even if I …”

doubt-based thoughts start to make their way through your mind

sometimes, you aren’t really in the mood for killing yourself at set date

it’s like, you’re more likely to make an attempt IF you catch your mind off guard (= follow an impulse, your intuition)

every time I tried to kill myself, I hadn’t planned to do it that day

what about y’all ?

Life is just getting worse our home is going insane everyone. There to worried about everyone but me and when i tell them they say im selfish i just want a mum thats all i want is it hard to ask. I have no where to go or i would just take off and leave probably without telling them either. They wouldnt even know i was gone and thats a fact

I always fight with my parents for stupid reasons like food, using computer, using the air conditioner etc. When I prove they are wrong, they yell and shout at me and say that I misbehave! Then, I become extremely aggressive by throwing things everywhere: pillows, blankets, remotes… are all on the floor or broken, I cannot control my anger; sometimes, my father tries to beat me but luckily I run fast to my room and lock myself up to avoid the fight…
When I’m alone in my room, I just want to commit suicide, I just want to write a farewell letter and say goodbye […]

How do you love yourself,

When you can’t even reach the shelf?

When do you cross the line,

on the migrations so fine.

Living the dream,

or thats how its seems,

slowly fading away.

What do you do when no one calls your name

and they look at you all the same?

And when they take the chalice

they build such a fine palace.

Dreaming a life

o thats contrite

fading the picture away.

What do you do when you give everything away

the garage sale that gave way.

Do you haggle the price

when you have nothing nice?

Goods for sale

er, yea they are stale

please don’t go away.

What will you say,

to someone who wont stay?

Hello, everyone.

Not so sure what to say.  This is my first time ever posting anything on a website for, like, 3 years.  So please bear with me 🙂

Basically, I literally feel entirely worthless.   When I was growing up, my mom was an emotionally distant alcoholic, and my dad was emotionally and physically abusive.  They were both also extremely over-protective and critical of me.  My dad is probably the most negative person I’ve ever met.  I don’t think I have ever heard him say one positive thing about me and really meant it.  When I was younger I tried to over-achieve and impress him, but the […]

I saw the mist that day and it entranced me.

I went in not because I chose to be different, or I chose to be something else; I consciously was drawn to it, the mystique, the vapor, the aroma.

I left the group and went down the misty path. I loved it. Everything around me swelled up and was lost. Slowly I lost sight of where I came from. I wondered where I was going, who I was going to meet in this mist.

The beads of water fell onto my face. The cold bit my nose ever so gently, the air was lively and dark. The lights […]

I am living to make people happy, I’m known as the colorful rainbow who brightens up the day where ever i go,I try to make everyone happy so im always smiling and im nice to everyone and when ever anyone needs advice they come to me. I remember when i was so depressed and suicidal and used to self-harm all the time but i don’t do that anymore, now i look at the workd differently it’s like one morning i woke up and realized there was nothing to be sad about,there was nothing to hate. Whenever j was really low i would always remember “there […]

An email I chose not to send (altered to maintain anonymity):

I am going stir crazy. I really want to see you, but I can’t find a good excuse. Mom is psychologically abusing me, and I don’t think I can take it much longer. She constantly monitors me. She waits until there is no noise coming out of my room before she falls asleep. I don’t even think she sleeps most days. That would explain her insane need for productivity. I have no one to talk to at home who will listen to me and support me. I am trying to see my therapist here without […]

Where to begin is hard. Then again nothi ge come easy. I’m getting older and more mature obviously but to me, I think others see me as a child. I dont honestly think I’m suicidal. I couldn’t be. The outside looking in my life is complacently perfect. I would be viewed lucky by most. Friends, a loving girlfriend, well liked, two parents, grandparents, a job and not a lot but a reasonable amount of money. In reality though- my best friend is leaving me for a group off cocky self obsorbed pricks; we were close, always different but he was indeed my best friend. My […]

I have never been rich. There was never a time where my mom had money to throw away. We always have had just enough. But it has never been this bad. My mom has never really bothered me with financial problems. Usually if we are late on a bill or something she just finds a way to pay it. But its gotten to the point where there is no way. My step dad doesn’t work enough to pay for everything and my moms disability check barley pays 1 bill. Everyday something new is getting cut off. Now my mom is selling pot to pay the […]

Well. Life just keeps getting shittier and shittier. I thought I was ok. I thought I can do this! Im stronger then this! Then I fall. And i fall hard. I thought I was ok so I went to a party. Had a good tine then my world fucking crashed. I just balled my eyes out downstairs. I truly wanted to die. Again. It will happen one day. Im goinig to crack and just do it. One day im going to be gone. The world will go on without me. Years from now my name will be forgottwn. None of this matters.

I guess not […]

i dont know why? i used to adore nights, being locked in my wonderful room away from my family (thats bliss to me) texting/e-mailing people..where did those people go? im left all alone. i now hate nights i hate now checking my phone looking at my e-mail in fear i have no messages from the people i need most, uh yeah so now iv became a night hater only cuz now i feel alone and unwanted another thing why the fuck cant i stop crying jeez just these past three days i wont stop crying…UGH! im just fucked like that i guess:/

The metal album by Panzerchrist, titled “Room Service” is quite nice.

http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/panzerchrist/roomservice.html

Just check out those lyrics. My favourites are:

“I know what you’re all thinking
You are holding on just trying to be cool
But know that come tomorrow
All your worries will be gone”

“And the love of my life
Can’t save me
Because
I have to save myself first”

“I
Choose
To
Make
A Stand
But to be a martyr – first you have to die”

“Kept inside
Where to turn?
Bottled up
When to burn?
Eating away
Filled with hate
No more cheeks to turn”

““Hey Wait”
You say
“That looks like blood”
But no! It’s the pain […]