im drunk and depressed, i was having a bad day depression wise and now im drunk at home alone and ive made a packt with myself not to cut for a week but right now i think im going to break it cause otherwise i might take pillsthatll end it. im so glad my computer has autocheck otherwise this would be unintelligable hhahahah. my brain is in a comfortable blurrrrrrrr but everything hurt and i dont understand whats going on. i was just considering calling my ex who im so not over and singing more than this to him. he would never speak to me […]
Today I set a date for checking out. I’ve chosen a method but have to do a bit more research. I’m nervous about it since I’ve tried killing myself a few times before and have bad luck and am spacey. I seem to survive strange things, like getting hit by a truck going 60 mph (I wasn’t in a car, was on the side of the road). This was not a suicide attempt–the guy was on coke and ran the car off the road–but just something that happened. I’ve also survived a savage dog attack where I got over 70 puncture wounds, lost some use […]
im staying at my friends house ., she isn’t here and i feel like im going to kill myself i just carn’t stop crying and thinking about sliting my wrists and up my arms to i bleed out im shaking i just carn’t live anymore all guys want to do is use me and make me feel like a prostitue idk what to do anymore iv tried everything nothing works !!! i have a razor blade in my hand i can feel it touch my skin
Although I am very depressed at the moment, most of my previous posts are just long rants about that so I decided that, for Easter, I would post a true, Easter-related, funny story. Perhaps it will make you laugh, perhaps it won’t, either way it’s just a silly story from a girl desperate to *cough* check out early.
PS (I am not religious, this may offend those that are for my ignorance within the story).
When I was a child most Primary schools in Britain were somehow religious, even my school, which was not stated as religious, was run by a Christian headmaster who encouraged us to […]
Dear Love,
This is the last time you screw me over. Because of you, this time I found my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. I did absolutely nothing to deserve that. I was faithful, kind, patient, and loving to him through it all. I would have never hurt him like he hurt me. 6 years gone to waste. This goes for the rest of the guys and “friends” who screwed me over. My heart aches so badly and is through getting stabbed over and over again. It hurts… so much… I just want it to stop… But it won’t… I hope you’re all happy. I have been broken […]
It’s fuckin’ 0240 and I’m wide awake. Not to mention that I have 4 hours of softball practice tomorrow and 1 hour of gym class plus whatever shit I have to do around the house. Isn’t this fuckin’ outstanding?
To know that i was the one to drive you to kill yourself.
To know than us being in love was the thing keeping you alive..
To know that you never really wanted to split apart from me…
To know that all i had to do is stop and think befor i walked away…
To know i could of stopped you….. I know now i should of never walked away but now iv ripped you appart from everyone you loved and they will never see you again because of me…….
All i can say now is i’m sorry i was so blind and now i […]
So I self referred myself to the hospital for being suicidal two weeks ago or so. And I got out today, and I will never ever do that again. Everything is worse now they did nothing but take sharp objects away from me.
Hello my dear friends.
Today I am not here to rant about my feelings or my life that has fallen apart. I’m here to speak to you, hoping that this post will be a source of light in your time of struggle.
I call you my dear friends, because although I have probably never met any of you before, I believe that is what we are. We didn’t choose it, but each of us has been connected by a common cause. In some ways, many of you probably understand me much better than any of my closest friends. Depression isn’t something that can be easily explained; I […]
..so my lovevlife is over ? ? i got the human p. virus.. i have no idea from who. though im pertty sure it was from my ex bf.. and now b/c of it i had to get surgery and now i need to get it again.. its been almost a year since i had the surgery and it sucks. i wont be able to be in a relationship or start seeing someone if I dont get rid of this again… and its gonna be the same routine for the rest of my life… so wtf.. i hate this.. and life. its like im not […]
If I was given one wish. It wouldn’t be one that could make my life better. I know nothing would make a difference. My one wish is quite simple: that I had never been born. I torment myself with the idea that my being here, as huge of an impact as it has had, was a total fluke. If just one microscopic (literally) thing had gone differently, I wouldn’t have to be here right now.
I hate feeling guilty that on paper I have no right to want to die; I’ve experienced no great trials or tragedy to warrant it. I hate that when I say it out […]
my life feels like a living hell the only good thing in it my only true friend the one person that i trusted has now abandoned me jst like everyone else i opened up to her hoping she would accept me but iwas wrong now im more alone than ever i feel like its hopeless there will nvr b someone who understand someone whose willing a stand by me i will always b alone and now im left wit nothing no family no friends jst me a worthles sack of skin bones and blood
If you’re wondering what its like to lose your first and only love, your everything, the more than other half of your heart, well this is what its like:
(Sorry, they’re no words for this)
Not only did I lose him.
But I saw him, loving another girl, a perfect girl, a girl ten, no a hundred time prettier than me. I wasn’t with him, I haven’t seen him in months.
But what I did see were the “I love yous” on facebook.
I know. Fucking facebook.
I died. Since then, I have died.
You have no idea how it feels. To watch someone you love, with every fiber in […]
A soft rain falls over my mind
The water gently caressing my thoughts
Small humble droplets, each inclined
To soothe my fears
And hide my tears
To ingeniously disguise my faults
To me the inner shower gives
Not destroying hope or false happiness
But just the sustenance to live
Barely scraping
Barely making
The minimum barely providing this
The friendly wind blows steadily
The rain oppresses my mind’s parasites
Wind and rain combined heavenly
Offer solace
Shaky embrace
Unable to set my dead heart alight
Anesthetic does not heal the gun wound
A grain of rice does not feed the starving
A few feet does not matter on […]
this ache is stealing my face
stealing my name
This break in cognitive function
is leaving me lame
broken and mangled
twisted devices
going through the motion
life can only be perpetuated through vices
because the light is too bright
and the truth is too truthful
drink me down from this ledge tonight
loneliness is a prison with no bars to hold me in
the people all around meÂ
are merely bricks to my invisible prison
and they by their existence profess
my inadequecies
I am alive
but only by technicality
I just came across this website a couple days ago. I have gone through reading everyone’s writings from the bad to the good. I have been suicidal for over 14 years. I have gone through the depression of high school getting close to friends only to in my own way pushing them away to where I was alone. I been through everything I read here. But I do not have bad family background. I am bipolar and suicidal thoughts are part of my life. As I have gotten older I wish I could say things get easier but for me they have in a way. You learn […]
Hi
The reason im posting this is because i want to get this off my chest.
I’m 15 and have being suicidal for nearly 2 years now. Before the last few months i was’nt serious about suicide but now i am and need to do this.
I’ve lost alot of friends over the last following months basically pushed them away. 11 months ago a girl local commited suicide,it did’nt no her that well but she had tons of friends, she was good looking, i guess she was just depressed like me.I don’t have uch friends, i have a couple who are friends but not close, […]
oh my, look at this. Ain’t this some fucked up shit? So now i sit here in the wreckage of what you have done, you added more scars to your only son.
Why cant you control yourself? Why do you always make my life Hell? I try to sit and picture death, to me it just sounds like the best.
I want to live, just not in this sequence. You mom, have always been my greatest weakness. I can’t sleep so I toss and turn. Imagining how great it would be, just to see it all burn.
My heart is beating, but im hardly alive. Life is a […]
Probably getting our hours cut at work down to part time in the next few months. And my other job is laying me off.
Which means even less money on top of the salary cut last year.
And they are adding considerably more work and duties.
Not complaining but this place is just jacking us left and right.
Even though we exceeded paramaters for a year without a manager and six months without a direct supervisor.
Was trying to hang on until January of next year for my birthday but seems like it will be sometime this summer.
Guess I can take someone’s advice on here and get a credit card […]
It is my intention to leave this life.
To start, I would say that I am not in that space where suicide helplines call “pain is greater than capability to bear.” I am not doing this on the spur of a moment’s depression or of a single terrible setback. No, none of these apply to me.
Let me share my story.
(1)
I was physically abused as a child. My father had rules that were only known to him. His mercurial moods did not help. From as young as pre-school (I do not remember exactly when they started), he would beat me, with his hands, with sticks, with canes. […]