Him. He was everything to me.

If you’re wondering what its like to lose your first and only love, your everything, the more than other half of your heart, well this is what its like:

(Sorry, they’re no words for this)

Not only did I lose him.
But I saw him, loving another girl, a perfect girl, a girl ten, no a hundred time prettier than me. I wasn’t with him, I haven’t seen him in months.

But what I did see were the “I love yous” on facebook.

I know. Fucking facebook.

I died. Since then, I have died.
You have no idea how it feels. To watch someone you love, with every fiber in your body, love someone else.

I would cry.
I would scream.
I would choke.
I would bleed.

I would fall the fuck apart.

Every. Night.

I promised him something before it all ended. Before he had to leave.
I promised myself I wouldn’t cut myself. I would stay strong for him.

That was just one of the promises I broke to him.

But it didn’t matter anyway. Because he didn’t really care.

You see, we fell in love in 7th grade, just last year. At the end of the year, he had to move.

We broke up.

Things just turned into shit after that.

Things. Fell.
A
P
A
R
T

And I will forget how I went absolutely fucking insane.

Without him…I was like…it was like there was no other thing in the world that was even remotely important to me. It all didn’t mean shit.

My world was just him him him, and how to deal with the fact that he didn’t love me anymore, even though he lied when he said that, something I didn’t know at the time.

I tried to fathom how he just talked to other girls, completely forgetting about me.

Well, like I said he moved. All of this was on facebook. And I didn’t know then that facebook is a fucking liar.

I’ll finish the rest of this….sometime later.

Rain & Roses,

Penelope