I was sitting outside, staring off ponderingabout my past. Life was so much easier back then. When I knew nothing of this dark and twisted world. I wish someone could give me my ignorance back.
It’s been a while since I’ve been on here; I don’t know if any of the people I used to look for are still here. I have a story to tell you guys, cause it needs to be told and I can’t afford to be held accountable for it telling someone I know.
Last time I was frequenting Sp, I was living in a halfway house and coming up on 6months sober. I met a woman named C on this site who was living in the UK and planning a trip to the US, “going west†as it were to Las Vegas to go […]
2 years ago I joine the marine corps. That wast dream to become a marine. I wanted to be the hero. When I went into the 13 weeks of misery known as boot camp I loved it. I enjoyed it. I met my closest friends there they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them . They were my best friends, my brothers. After basic I went to marine combat training MCT for short and there i was beginning to have suicidal thoughts. It hit me. I was I here ? What was I doing? Nobody was there no one. I felt alone. […]
http://suicideproject.org/2012/02/my-wife-left-me/
My wife left me about 6 weeks ago….i email her to talk to her. She hasn’t talk to since she left. I am dying. I am at work…crying between patients…i want death in my life. I want to end this pain….this ache. I don’t know what the hell I did that get me this silent treatment. She is killing me….
I am crying she has moved on. She does not care that I cry and she is not crying after me.SHE DOES NOT CARE
Life is just so difficult, and I am trying to live threw it. Its so hard. I hurts knowing that no ones there. Well there are people but you have no way to contact them. It hurts me knowing that my life is getting worst and worst every day. I try so hard to live a normal life like everyone thinks I do. I don’t . I am so hurt with the life I’m living. My family wants me to be normal. I am ME. I am normal. It just hurts . A LOT.
    (the following is a letter I recently wrote in serious consideration with my personal thoughts. Sorry its not Hollywood style beautiful, but it is how I am feeling at the moment)
My dearest family, friends and anyone else that this letter may find its way too… This, in the end, may b worth nothing more then a bad joke because there r no words I can say to express how sorry I am… Sorry that I was blind to the blessings I already had and was selfish enough to think my problems were all that mattered. Sorry that I […]
Why am I the one who has to be depressed, why me?
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
sometimes i feel like if i kill myself no one will care.
that’s why i feel lik it’s not worth it anymore.
I’m so sorry that i seem sad all the time.
i’m sorry that all i do is complain
I’m sorry that i can’t hold normal conversations anymore.
i’m sorry i never make an effort.
i’m sorry that i’m on the verge of tears constantly.
i just, i think i’ve forgotten how to be happy, but i, i’m so sorry.
I’ve lost so many friends because of this and i regret it ;c
i feel very lonely, i mean i know every one at some point feels that way but this time i feel like there is no one out there to help me out with my problems.
The kid i like he just wants to make out, my mom and my dad always fight, i am miles away from my sister, my dad hits my mom, i’ve lost 2 of my best friends, People hate me, people talk about me behind my back and call me a slut something i’m not.
I feel very upset of my life. I have thought of suicidal but sometimes i cut […]
I have been alive for a little over 15 years  now.  I’ve laughed countless times, smiled the majority of my life, and cried when it seemed appropriate.  Yet I’ve rarely done any of these with emotion.  I’ve been alive for over a decade and a half but I can’t think of a single time when I was truly living.
I started to realize that I was empty, and that emptiness was suffocating.  It was a tangible force, crushing me to the ground like gravity.  I wanted to feel something…  maybe love or at even agony, just anything but this hollowness inside of me.  I want to be able to […]
Well, im going to write here everyday. Just to get my thoughts out.. Just to know someone is reading and listening to my story, cause somehow I feel a bit better knowing at least someone knows my story..
Anyways, my mom and stepdad(who might as well be my dad.) divorced about 6 or 7 months ago and i listened to their wedding song.(lets stay together – Al Greene) im not going to lie it tore me apart. I miss having a stable family and i hated sharing my holidays with my dad and family without this seperation. i HATE going for weekends, and having to […]
I fancy myself an artist, though I don’t think it will ever become anything more than a hobby and cathartic release.
However, the last few months, I haven’t drawn or painted anything really. I just haven’t felt that old spark of inspiration lately. It’s kinda been bumming me out.
BUT…
I finally had an idea. I finally made something today. It’s a rather childish peice, but I don’t really care. I’m just glad I was actually able to finish something for once. 🙂
 
To whom it may concern,
about 6 years ago I was at the peak of my drug use. I started smoking pot when I was 14. By the time I was 18, I was smoking it every day.
And as it turned out, I was smoking more than just pot. A lot of the time it was laced with other things. From cocaine to heroin. I always thought these kinds of drugs were too expensive to add to something like weed.
Well, time passed and someone told me that what I was liking so much was the heroin and he set me up with a small bag for […]
sorry not sure if this is a right place to be in..
umm my names max, i just had another fight with my dad, i cant even run away or have my own time..its so small here i have no choice to get this shit..
idk if i wanna kill myself..i think im just too scared, cuz im tired of this, i see no point in living anymore, everyone arround me smiles and i join them, but in my room i cant stop shredding tears..i try to explain simple stuff to people and they just scream over me like they know everything..nobody understands me..
everyones putting pressure on […]
Does anyone on here suffer from BOTH Bipolar (I or II) and ADHD?  I used to take Adderall for ADHD for years and it dramatically helped with focus and energy. Initially, I  saw a pdoc for depression only but after mixed results with several antidepressants  and my telling her that I was diagnosed ADHD as a child, she added Adderall. It worked wonders for quite sometime for energy and focus but only mildly improved my depression. Recently I went through a major manic episode and now know that I am Bipolar. I had been off all meds for a month or two prior to the […]
How many minutes must I think about how much despair I am in?
How many hours must I spend online look for help with my suicidal feelings,
to try and fool myself into thinking I don’t want to?
How many days must I miss out on life because I don’t have to motivation
to tell myself it’s worth it?
How many nights must I cry myself to sleep hoping that things will get better?
How many weeks must I suffer until I realize that I need to get help?
How many months must I bottle everything up until it all becomes too much?
How many […]
okay so this year was my 1 year as  a freashman. goin in to a couple weeks it was goin fine .then one day it all started in my stomach. my stomach would make wierd noises like was hungry .so stopped comming to school i would miss almost eveeyday because of my stomach. then my mom took me to the doctors to see what i had i would tell them my stomach hurts then they found out i had anxiety(social anxiety).they made me go back to school,i would cry and pretty much had a mental breakdown every morinin because i didnt wanna go to schoolthe […]
I need a gun. Fuck. I just need a gun.