2 years ago I joine the marine corps. That wast dream to become a marine. I wanted to be the hero. When I went into the 13 weeks of misery known as boot camp I loved it. I enjoyed it. I met my closest friends there they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them . They were my best friends, my brothers. After basic I went to marine combat training MCT for short and there i was beginning to have suicidal thoughts. It hit me. I was I here ? What was I doing? Nobody was there no one. I felt alone. But like every marine I just buried my emotions. I sucked it up. Then after MCT I went off to the fleet. I lived in Hawaii. Everyone thought that was great I was living the dream. ( except me) those buried emotions that I had in MCT were comming back to me in the fleet. I had a hard time dealing with it and I was affecting everyone around me my superiors and all. I was feeling down and I had thoughts of killin myself so what I did was go tell the Chaplin. Well that didn’t go over to good cause what they did was place me in a room and someone had to watch me 24/7. It’s called suicide watch. I felt do trapped like I was a animal in a cage. I couldn’t talk to no one. So when that ended I still felt the smae and I just hide it from everyone. Life was back to normal till on September 5th 2011 I decided to take my life. I just left work and went into my room and took a bunch of pills and sat there in my bathroom. I just remember crying and cryin till My officer came in my door and told me to get int the ambulance we rushed to the hospital and I passed out. The next thing I know I was in a physc ward and I was being discharged from the military. I’m out know and back home where I belong and with family but I still think about it 24/7. I think y didn’t I die? Why do people get the better side of things and I always get crap? Why me why? I’m still wondering to this day I need help.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
wow, you do sound like your living the dream. until you get deeper into the post. I cant say i know where ur coming from because im only in high school. But i can say im proud of you. You made it through all that. And you still alive. All i got to say is DAMNNNN you got balls kid. thats insane. I guess i want to kill my self all the time. But you have lived through alot. and i give you a thumbs up. It does suck wanting to kill you self. And thats a good question why are we all still alive. What people tell me is that i am ment to change the world. Idk what that means. But i know you got something good instore for you.. Keep your head up. And just remember u got a 15 yeaar old looking up to you.
Thank you it does mean a lot but I don’t want to look back in my life to that I wrote that to et it out and never look back. I feel the same way still. And I know that people look at me differently cause they know that I tried to commit suicide. They keep asking me if I was okay and I hate that of course I’m not okay it’s hard to express myself cause of what I been through and I still wish I was with my brothers and how I let them down but thank you and if u want to talk u can contact me at whaleyc032@herkimer.edu
An ex US Marine… Wow… You are so strong. Anyone who has the guts to join the most elite fighting force in the world and then actually makes it through all of the training required is the one of the strongest people in the world. It’s actually my only goal in life to join the US military and live with honor and a sense that I’m making a change in people’s lives. Anyways, not only are you physically strong, you’re so mentally strong too, not only from all the training you’ve made it through, but from all the mental battles you’ve made it through also. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. You can make it through anything though if you made it through Boot Camp and MCT. You have another 15 year old looking up to you now, so make that two 15 year olds. Take care of yourself, man. You deserve the best and more. farmerstrong13@hotmail.com