My birthday is at the end of the week. I dont even want to make it. I am trying like hell to make it to my vacation in 2 months,and end it then,but this week is hard. My BF keeps leaving and spending all of his free time away from me.He refers to spending time with me as “sacrificing.” He now threatens to move away b/c he doesnt want to listen to me explaining how bad I feel,refering to the end anymore. I wonder if my vacation is worth it. Wouldnt it be easier to just end it and not have to face another birthday […]
farmerstrong13. Thank you for your post. Actually I do not believe you can imagine how I feel unless you know my story; so this is the short long version.
I am in my early seventies and totally sane and rational. ( I think) I am an engineer with a highly scientific background and with personal interests and hobbies in astronomy and physics however my memory for technical stuff is going fast. CRS.
I do not believe in any scriptural deities and classify myself as an agnostic-deist. I define that, as a person that accepts the possibility something, or some entity may have been instrumental in the creation […]
if you have no one relying on you, then what’s so bad about killing yourself? I have family and friends, sure, but none of them needs me to live. I see friends every other week, try to see family less than that; I know I’m not necessary. I’m not necessary to any one other persons existence. People would be sad but so? Life is saddening.
No kids, no spouse or prospects of any kind, no pets, no car or mortgage and no hope.
If I continue living, I’ll just be seeking out ways to stay happy, like everybody else does. But nothing makes me happy, […]
so tired. My apartment has rats in the ceiling.
I had 2 weeks of peace as I’d moved into my new apartment. Before then, I was at my mothers for 2 month, at my dads friends house int he burbs for 1 month and a half and then ina shitty, insect fiiled apartment before that(for about 8 months).
Before that I had the dream apartment in the dream neighborhood but I had to move because I was paying too much rent. The cost of perfection was half my monthly pay. Since Jan 1 2011 I’ve been cold(uncomfortable), but like I said, I had two wonderful weeks […]
I had a dream about popping pills.
Everyday, these days. I go to this site to see if you has been writen. I know, from earlier posts i found from you, how you feel. And the last couple of days i have done this, more frightned than ever that you have “done it” for real. I know you will not talk to me, and what i care is not important to you. But you should know i care. And that i am not the only one everyday going to this site, always afraid of the possibility that I could find your last words.
I pray everyday, that you will stay alive, and […]
Well. I’m only fifteen, and already I want my life to end. Ever since I was eight years old, my life has been a mess. My parents divorce was the spark of everything. I’ve been depressed for seven years, but the past two years it’s been hitting me hard. Every night I cry, wanting it to end. I use to pray to God to kill me in my sleep or to let me have at least one good day. I got neither, and gave up my faith. I wake up every morning, wondering why I even bother getting out of bed. I can’t find one […]
I’m just a bastard child don’t let it go to your head I’m just a waste of your time, maybe I’m better off dead They turn us loose in the night, I’m fucking Jekyll and Hyde We’ll have the time of our lives although we’re dying inside….
so…. Today I stayed with behind to talk to Mr Gregory, a popular venting choice of mine.
Anyways I told him about being suicidal and my intended plans…. Naturally he told me not to do it, and he went through what might happen once I had gone through with my plans.
Why does everything he says always makes perfect sense….
I still feel like going through with it, i only know a few things about my final choices.
Date: Monday 23rd January 2012 .
Time: I don’t know….
Method: Again, I don’t know….
I just know that I want this all to be over, I […]
I want to get new pills because none of them seem to even work anymore i still feel depressed and i still have bad suicidal thoughts i want new pills or to just be taken off them all together
well the title says it all… today is a bad day for me….
its my ex boyfriend birthday, (hopefully everyone know already that we HAD to break up 🙁 )
2 weeks ago we broke up.
and if we were still together today would been 1 month,,
I’m just so lonely.. i would talk to the only person who actually can make me smile now a days, but sadly he is at school… i have finals this week so i get to take a test then go home….
i still don’t know what to do.. people say i should let go of my ex and move on… […]
I’m scared I’m going to lose the only thing that I love. The only thing I live for..
It’s like she’s slipping away and I can’t stop her from leaving me. I had a major freak out last night and cried till my lungs hurt. I can’t live like this knowing that my best friend/girlfriend  can just leave me alone and hurt at any time. I know she’s going to hurt me in the end. It’s sick. I’m sick.
All I want to do is die before she or anyone else can hurt me.
Something I wrote years ago expressing my only real goal. I was raised southern baptist. And while most people fell on their knees and bowed to god I wanted to be one. And I read some of the Torah, Quran, a lot on Buddha, the Hindu deities, Shinto etc. I figured that I’d wipe the slate clean and just give all beings the chance to create their own universe to their own liking and they could be free to interact or not as they will. None of this forced acquiescence and forced submission that currently exists. If so many ideals, rules, expectations, mores, traditions, religions, […]
This has the potential to break me. My world is caving in and I am powerless, all i can do is watch.
I am falling apart and I want to die.
i dont know who i am. i feel like the awkward girl who cant make friends. i feel like a loser. ive lost my self confidence and self esteem. i have nothing going for me. everyday i question myself and ask why did this have to happen to me? why was i made like this or put into such a cold world? those questions will never get answered..i miss having my family together. i miss being the good girl i use to be. now every weekend i want to drink and get drunk all the time. deep down i know i am a good person. […]
the thought of falling asleep forever comforts my body. i despise to live and go to school with these emotions building upon me. my mother left two years ago and my boyfriend broke up with me last night. its come down to the last straw and i want to surrender to god. i want to give up myself and be gone. im 15 years old and im to scared to have to face life. people say “lifes hard” and i dont want to have to live through anything hard anymore. im scared of the future. im scared to have to get up in the mornings. […]
Im done with the pain. I’m sick of feeling like a failure. 35, live in my parents basement, hate my terrible job and boss, have no money and make no money. My depression has gotten in way of my shitty job and I’ll probably be fired when I go in on Tuesday. Everyone wants to tell me my life is going to get better. life has never been happy and good. I just dont see life getting better for a depressed cook who’s 35, single, making shit, and lives in his parents basement.
I expected life to get better when I quit drinking […]
Hi, let me start by saying that I am NOT suicidal. However, I have tried to commit suicide when I was younger a few times, but, I never actually tried to where it’d actually put so much as a scratch on me. I also often want to die… But honestly, I just don’t have the balls to do anything… And I also thought about if, I fail, and wake up in a hospital, get better, have to go to therapy, people ask me questions, all that shit would piss me off.
Anyway, what I came here for is to have a place to rant and just […]
After all that has transpired in the last four days, I’m terrified of going to school tomorrow. I feel like something bad is going to happen that is outside my control, and I’ll be fired for completely cold, calculating, business reasons. I don’t know what else to say at the moment. I would give anything to not have school tomorrow. What’s worse, I have to teach a split (morning 9am-1:45 pm and evening 5:45pm-10:15pm) and I don’t know if I’ll hold up. Before you ask, calling in sick is out of the question. They’ll know it’s not true and […]
I can’t tell if it makes me feel better, or worse. Either way I want it gone and out of mind…. someone please help me
Truth, I’m here for a school project of my choice. Truth, I may have caused an attempted suicide and I fell for the friend who’s father shot himself on christmas…his life’s fucked up. Truth, I have nothing to complain about, I don’t get raped, I have two parents(stepdad but whatever) that love me and feed me and give me a roof over my head, I don’t live in a thrid world country, I’m going to get a higher education, and yet scary thoughts or thinking of lame relationships get me down…some memories or places trigger depression yet i havent been diagnosed…i guess i don’t need […]