If any of you read my previous post awhile ago, then you would know that I figured out “the how” and “the why” and “the where” and obviously “the who”, but I could not figure out “the when”. I have now decided when I am going to do it, and I feel so much better now. It is a relief. I feel so calm, and it feels like the first time in weeks that I can get anything done. I was going to wait until after the holidays, but I have decided not to. I know that sounds selfish (and according to most, the very […]
I’m 29 today, and as per recent years, I’m depressed on my birthday. Why? Because nothing happens, apart from me sitting on my bed in the basement of my family home which is where I’ve been living a vegetable-like existence for several years now.
I’m unemployed. I failed at University (as an undergrad and then a postgrad) and I can’t get a job. All my efforts are in vain. (And no, I don’t want a career in sales or hr/management!)
I’ve got almost no social life. I let that shrivel up when I realised that all people talk about is trivia, their problems, and the world’s problems. […]
If you don’t hear from me by Sunday, I will have made my exit. I can’t take it anymore, I’m just itching to be released from this life. I’m wondering if I should write letters or not, I guess it’d be the right thing to do. Peace
^I wrote this post on Nov. 4, 2011. This is my first time coming back to this site since then.
I have been struggling with depression for the past 3 years, going to counseling and trying different anti-depressants. I kept relapsing and the worst of it came around Sept. I felt disconnected from my life and from the ones I […]
I looked up to him, I wrapped my small hand around one of his fingers as we walked. We were so much alike, and in my eyes we were two peas in a pod. As I grew older I pulled away as I grew into my own, and started becoming more independent. My parents were together a very long time and to me seemed so great together. Things were hidden from me though, things about my dad I didn’t know. Like his mental illnesses, and his depression problems. To me, he was fine. He took care of us financially, we were always participating in family […]
Today I fell to my knees and cried out for help, and of course, there was no one to answer. My chest hurts; it feels bottomless. Oh how I mourn the past. This void envelopes me. Tears stream forth from my eyes. They fill my cup, and I consume the great sadness.
I tried and failed.
Today, I was talking to one of my brothers (a great friend). We shared some time after lunch talking about our faith, and praying to God.
One of the stories I shared is one that is close to my heart. A little duck was in a pond. He was surrounded by many other ducks swimming so peacefully around him. He was struggling and seeing how hard it is to stay afloat. It is not so easy to paddle to stay a float, so he decided to let go. He started drowning, and while he was looking underwater, he noticed that everyone else also was struggling to […]
One of my closest friends killed themselves today. Thats 2 in only three weeks!!! what the fuck. i hate this so much. who else is next?? fuck my life.. im so depressed.
Today i was in my kitchen, cutting meat with a big knife. Before i knew what i was doing, i had slit my wrist slightly. Before realization hit, i just stood and watched the blood begin to fall from my arm down to the counter. thats when i had a thought, if i could do that and handle the pain why not do what i always wanted? Even when my reason for living would be devastated, i would be selfish and do it just because. Could i do what my best friend had done to me, to him? She did it because she couldn’t handle […]
This is my story and the only time I will tell it so please listen.  I just wanted people to know that for some like me, it does not get better and that the pain you are feeling is not always temporary and sometimes things can get even worse.
I hanged myself Jan 3, 2010 at 3:33 am, at the exact time I was born. I was being forced out of my job, work cut my pay in half, I had serious debt and my unemployed and chronically depressed girlfriend was living with me in a little apartment in Chicago. I came to my limit and I had enough, so I hanged […]
Sleep is all i really do, except be on my laptop. Soon enough, that will be taken away. My mom yell at me for sleep. If she haven’t notice. Thats all i got to do. And she wouldn’t even let me explain either. Lets face it. I can’t live in this household anymore. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Why does my life have to be so boring. So depressing. So… miserble.
I got hurt 11yrs ago and I have no life. friends and hubby wants me to leave. I have not got anywhere to go, except HELL. I dont feel love or needed. what else is there.
I’m not suicidal, not yet any way. I’ve thought about it before, when I was younger in school. It was normally after i was bullied by my friends, if you could call them that. Then I went to college and left them all behind and I realized i didn’t have to be friends with people i didn’t like. I didn’t have to be friends with people that definitely didn’t like me. It was really nice for a while and I felt different, stronger. I had prospects, University, a good job.
I lost weight, not a lot but enough for people to notice. For guys to […]
Hey everyone how are you truly feeling? Well i hope you all are doing well, and just to let you know I’m doing good myself.
I just want to say a few things, so please listen… and it would be nice if you leave a comment. Anyway people please, don’t
take your life away, I promise it’s not worth it. Your problems don’t really last forever it’s your choice if you want them to last forever,
but if you kill yourself that will last forever.
Also if you kill yourself you are not going to go to Heaven (at least that is what i think), and i promise you […]
Over the past year i’ve been experiencing a variety of medical problems. My main concern is a state of vertigo i am always in. Every waking moment of my day is spent feeling dizzy and wanting to throw up, this is not a mental thing I am sure as hell feeling it in the depths of my stomach. All my symptoms point to the little known Menieres disease, of which there is no cure and is degenerative. It affects balance and hearing. I’m 19, and i’ve read alot about this disease, what seems to be of common occurence is that it generally gets worse as […]
Sitting here at work bored from the tedium. Do not really want to be here. And I know I have hit rock bottom because I am posting from work. All they can do is fire me and although I may not have the funds to go in the method I choose, it will help me to leave earlier.
Have already spoken on certain things on here. But I refuse to take treatement for any ailments. If they cannot cure it then I prefer to let the disease take me out. And death seems to be the cure for life. Because all these years I have just been […]
I came from nothing. Did not exist once. So if i came from nothing And i go back to being nothing. Can it happen again.? Cause it’s all ready happend once. I never gave the religion thing much thought. I new we all end up dead. But never really paid much attention to it.
I have decided to kill my self.. Cause i’m not going to live like this. So you start thinging about it.
I don’t get the hole after life deal. Cause think about it. I’m my body and my body give me my personality.
From keeping fit. ( i keep fit cause my body like’s […]