This life is getting so wearisome, and I don’t know what to do anymore..
I took 14 sleeping pills in a parking lot then decided to drive around in my car hoping that I would just blackout at the wheel. I became dizzy with the medication overdose. Along with the tears that clouded my eyes even more. I’m going to commit suicide by the end of the new year if not sooner. I already promised myself that.

If you were able to change, what has once happened in the past, would you?

If you were given the choice to live or to die, which one would you choose?

If you had the chance to be a different person today, would you take up the chance?

If you were asked to choose between having a true friend or a sharp razor, which would it be?

If somebody told you that they love you, will you believe them?

If your friend too were suicidal, what would you want for him/her?

Why?

It’s been 10 years since I last felt this way. Full of nothing but bullshit and utter hopelessness and mind-numbing, soul-destroying sorrow. I guess it’s my namesake, my legacy.

Being here doesn’t help. It’s always worse here. Here, I am just a worthless, stupid piece of shit. No matter how much I try to be helpful, stay out of the way, keep everyone happy. But I don’t ever succeed, not at anything.

I haven’t cut in atleast 6 or 7 years. Sometimes I still crave that pain so much… Just before the guilt and shame of the scars I already still have sets in. I […]

i dont know. Maybe next week. Maybe on fall break. I will escape. No sorry. No notes. No nothing. I will let the world devour on its own cause im done. Im done with everything. A lot of people dont want me here. So i will officially do my job. Lets my friends cry let my family died inside have one person i love scream why. Lets face it. Suicide is my way to go for me. Even if i fail… My mind will never be change. Although my birthday is coming up soon… mind as will try to end it before it.

my mom got pregnant at age 16 with me. When i was a baby about a year old maybe a little under my father held a knife to my mothers neck while i was on a changing table and made her wait and watch to see if i would fall on the tile below me and crack my head open. my mom screamed so loud though that my uncle came to the rescue (he lived next door). shortly my mom and my dad broke up. my dad has never been apart of my life. i would see him probably twice a year and each time […]

Yesterday i was assigned to do a project in speech and debate. It was free topic, so i decided i would do it on teen Suicide. I can really use some statistics that most people don’t usually know. And wish me luck. I’ve  always been trying to prove my depression to the class. Im tierd of putting a fake smile on everyday…. Wish me luck :/

There Is No Stopping Me.

Binge…
Oh how you conrupt me.
Oh how you always do this to me.
Why must you let me be
the way i am.
You really are…
destorying more of my life
thank you
just thank you.

My mom is taking my fucking money.

I am saving it for a fucking reason!!!

I start a new school on Monday and I’m a couple of weeks late. I’m going to Year 10 (I’m in England) and I’m really nervous. I keep crying, I probably have the lowest self-esteem in the world and I have a scary feeling that it’s leading to a disorder. I look in the mirror and cry every single day. I can’t look people in the eye except the people I live with.. (for example) If I go shopping I tend to look on the floor, rather than in front of me, I tend to avoid asking for help or going to crowded isles, I’d […]

I sloped up again. Thad maybe….five times this week…but, it didn’t bleed out. It’s deep but no blood. The noe thing that’s always made me feel alive was cutting…..now I’m not sure what to think….

I’ve been sick all day, the usual digestive issues(I get bad IBS symptoms). Even focusing on getting better depresses me because I know that deep down, I don’t want to get better. That kind of thinking just makes me feel worse and worse until I spiral out of control and do something foolish like pray to god for mercy or something.

The last few times I’ve come here to vent or just read comments, I’ve felt my sadness slwly start to lift. I don’t think I’m hopeless; I can be happy. I just feel so opposite to everyone around me. No one seems to care about anything […]

have you ever gotten that feeling where you need to turn your mental pain into physical pain. so you slash away your skin. you hide it from people because you want to be normal for once inyour life but no matter how hard you try, you always end up being two different people. Theirs the person you are in a crowd of people, and theirs the person you are when ur experiancing the bite of the blade. Cutting is no longer because it helps you deal with your mental illness…its because its an outles, its how you cope. It’s what makes you able to actually […]

I keep running away from myself. I don’t want to think, because if I start thinking, I start going over how fucked up I feel despite leading such a great life.

I don’t know why I’m close to snapping. I never thought I was free from these thoughts. I keep holding on tightly to my feelings, because if I let go, I’m going to do something I’m not sure I’d regret. But I thought I’d get better if I stay away. But I haven’t. And it’s just festering all these months.

Thing is, I don’t want anybody to help me, so nobody ever ever knows. The hardest […]

Today is my birthday and I feel 66 years old. Im only 24 now. I dont want to gain another year but I dont know if Ill have a chance to do it. Oh well.

According to the site I was just on, I am Manic, Depressed, bipolar and borderline, all of which are sever.  But hey, I’m only showing symptoms of early schizophrenia. “Woo”

Everything was fine, I was having the time of my life, and then I snapped. All that you said was you’d be by for your stuff this weekend, and I lost it. Everything  crashed on top of me. I couldn’t hold out any longer.

I’m sick.  I have tried for 6 years after getting my diagnosis(es) of auto immune disease which causes crippling pain, to deal with this, to try to be as normal as possible, to engage in socializing as much as I can, but my boyfriend told me tonight that I should not tell people that I am sick.  People ask, and that’s why I tell.  They see me struggling to get around, to deal with pain, and they inquire as to what is wrong.  When I try to be accepting of my fate, and rent a scooter at a theme park, he admits that he is […]

Suicide With An Escape Clause

So,I could blather on here about my depression (2+ yrs) my empty,pathethic,useless life,and listen to people patronizing me and feeding me lines like “take a walk and be at one with nature” or “reach out and talk to someone” etc etc etc. Im not here to get into that bull. People are reading this because they are depressed and absorbed in theor own stories, or other people want to feel pious and try to “save a life. So lets just skip over that crap and let me say what I want to say.

Here is my rationale about suicide,in general. Some may agree,some not,but its based […]