I’m my own worst enemy. Why do I feel the urge to destroy my life? I’m confused.
I’m gathering more problems at school. Noncompliance and shit. I didn’t go to school today. What’s the point anyway? There was a lot of work to do for today. Didn’t do anything. Didn’t go to this exam. What bugs me even more is that one project I’m working on with some others. I do that voluntarily, actually. But I can’t come up with any energy or motivation. I’m just leaving my friends hanging.
At this rate, I’ll get kicked out soon. And somehow I don’t care. I want them to […]

I never thought I’d be in this situation. I am hurting so bad all due to my greed. My debt has taken over and I have stolen from a friend. I am awaiting to hear if charges will be filed. I want to pay back and if I am in jail there will be no possibility of doing that. I have a loan for the majority but I can not go to jail. I will be dead before that happens. I am at fault have no one to talk to and even if I did I am not worthy of anyone. I am beyond […]

I’m going to keep looking… I know your out there somewhere.

Got in trouble to day because i let the hamster out for a run about the house but the back door was open. My dad said a cat might of got him. I think he made it to the forest he is free now.
school to day was the same every one calls me pizza head and fat again. Went to feed the duck’s and wonder how deep the lake is i wanted to jump in and drown. I think i am going to kill my self soon just want to no what is the best way

I just found this site. I must say its amazing. And so .. where I am. I just hope I don’t say anything to mess anything up with my account. Can you all teach me the ropes here ?

Thanks

Much love-J

Letting go of what i hold dear

i pray and remember that horrid year

loving and kissing those memories away

rejoicing in the sweet smell of the warm summer hay

laying back with you at my side

cuddling and sneaking glances at the sky

i remember your arms so gentle yet tight

holding me together that one summer night.

Behind these closed doors

i smash everything against the walls

i scream and cry

till it all comes out.

Behind these closed doors

i whisper your name into the darkness

i whimper and hide

till its washed out.

Behind these closed doors

i scratch and rip open myself

i curl up and try

till my hopes no more.

UGH! I can’t stop thinking about this man. Keyword is MAN, definitely not a boy my age. I know it’s stupid, and I shouldn’t think of him in that light. How do I break this reaction? Maybe if he was a jerk or appeared flawed in some way it would be easier, but from my perspective he isn’t. How can I stop thinking of someone as amazing? I don’t want to think about him, but I truly like him. Disgusting how the mind can easily be taken over by hormonal drives. For once my Id and Super Ego coincide, but they’ve teamed up for a […]

Wow, i had it to my throat…that stupid knife. So addicting..so shiny. I promised. I could’ve done it too, had he not interrupted.

This is my second post, it feels pretty good to be able to talk freely without a bunch of people telling you how insane you are or why life is worth living, blah blah blah.

I was thinking recently how badly I wish I had a crazy dream like sailing solo across the world or tying a bunch of balloons to a deckchair and flying around dropping pennies on people. I was never talented at anything, not music or sports, so there was never a big hopeful dream that fueled my desire to live.  Imagine going out in a blaze of glory, beating the cannonball run […]

I really don’t care about life anymore.

I just got turned down by the one that I now love.. He used to love me.. He would always say that.. But now.

H use with my friend and is saying that he likes me and loves her.

I asked him why he said he lived so many times if he was just gonna do this to me and all he said was ‘idk’.

I know I’m over exaggerating.

But there’s more than just that that is screwed up in my life.

This feeling is getting stronger and stronger as the days go by. I think about dying, and in some sick sense, I find relief. I feel like it’s the only way I’ll ever be at peace with myself. Sad, huh? I just don’t care anymore. Getting up in the morning to go to school is the hardest thing, then on top of that I have to put on an act so that people will stop questioning me. It’s been like this for a few months now, and I just want it all to end.. I’m so lost.

Anyone?? Hmph 🙁

i want to die

I’m not here to hear people say I’m ridiculous for wanting to die.. or for cutting.. I’m here because I can’t help myself.. I want someone to listen to me when I’m saying I want to die… I want someone to care…
I’m hoping I get that here.. If not I’ll search else where…
I lost someone I’m in love with… I feel pain I’ve never felt before/.. I have tried countless times to kill myself but each attempt failed :S… I just…. need help..
I have cut myself over 100 times.  I’ve counted.  I’ve taken pills every night.

Here I find myself…

Here I find myself,

Walking towards that shining light

At the end of the tunnel

beautiful like the moonlight at night

Dreaming of that tomorrow

Hoping there will be better things

Here I find myself,

Under the gloaming shadows

Walking down that tunnel

Water dripping, rats squeaking, flip flop, flip flop

Is all I hear.

Here, I find myself

Under the sightlines of the moonlight and shadows

I keep moving forward

While dreaming of that day

When I reach the fulgent light

At the end of that tunnel

Where hope awaits

I want to kill myself so bad.

Right now, I’m too, cowardly.

But one of these days.

I will.

No one when expect me to do that, so its ok.

I just hope that day comes fast.

What am i doing here??

Am i looking for some one to talk me down, some one that can help me choose life? I really don’t know. I have the things i need arriving daily, i’ve booked a hotel, i know the date so i’m ready to go. But lately i have been feeling……i’m not entirely sure but lets just say i’m having second thoughts. I think i’m over thinking this. I find myself imagining what others will go through if i do this, i hate that i once again find myself putting others before myself. I then have a mental shake, literally it’s like my […]

I told my friends about these feelings and the ones I put less trust in stand by me and tell me they will help me through. The ones that I trust with my life tell me it is “Not a big deal.” I’m 16 but I know what it is like to be in love. I know what it is like to lose someone close. I know what it is like to feel lost and insecure. To feel like there is no way out. I’m feeling that way right now and I’m looking for help and ways to cope. […]

My mum and dad said i could have any thing for christmas
i said can i have horse they said no but you can have a pony.