The English teacher told me that there were 26 letters and his favorite letter is P!

Can anyone help me to find out how I can blow myself up? This is a serious question. I have tried to kill myself by suffocation and overdose, but they haven’t worked (obviously) and it’s horrible. I want a quick and absolutely surefire way to kill myself. I wont do it near anybody, I will do it in the woods or something. I’ve heard you can make explosives out of simple stuff from a chemist, does anyone know how to do it?

Life is like queuing to go on the rides at Alton Towers. You don’t want to be queuing do you?  You want to be on the rides!

It started with a downer…

then to driving and cherry cherry icee
to 99 cents of gooey caramel and apple
thank you one dollar treats

where to now? who cares?
we have our beats and whispering
sometimes shouting in excitement windows

hey! look! A 24 hour chain coffe joint!
one that’s name resembles a marriage
of a galactic ball of gas and the informal slang of 100 copper pennies

enter maya
nightshifter and maker of drinks
your humor and discussion, how lovely!
possibly broken into douchebag!
(does his breathe smell shower fresh?!?)
wyclef pres of haiti!
monkey children!
it’s a prostetic leg!?
oh maya, did we just become…
besties?

next […]

Don’t look down the tube, it will haunt you forever. Keep your fingers crossed

Yesterday my psychologist suggested to me that I am “addicted to suicidal thinking”. We did not get around to fully explore this, but I would like to post the question if this resonates with anybody. If I understand this right, it’s a “process addiction”, that is: an addiction not to a substance, but to an action you keep doing which short term provides relief from pain or even joy, but long term is destructive. Examples are gambling, shopping, sex addiction. In my case, because something/somebody in my past robbed me of my sense of self, of my ability to feel joy, of my ability to […]

I cannot see you;
I must be blind.
I cannot hear you;
I must be deaf.
I cannot smell you;
I have no nose.
I cannot touch you;
I have no hands.
I cannot taste you;
I have no tongue.
I cannot understand you;
I must be mad.
I am mad.

I wrote this 10 days after cut cut cutting at my face, cut cut  cutting cut cut my nose into 6 pieces then it fell off. Cut cut cut cutting at my lips till they were like little wine gums spread all over my face. And don’t even ask about my ears.

Ever since I can remember I have been working to achieve a particular career goal. Recently, because of some stupid mistakes I have made this career is now no longer possible. I wish I knew how to quanitfy the amount of time, money, energy and effort I have wasted on this goal.
I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life and I am so mad at myself for making such stupid mistakes. I dont know what to do or where to go. I feel so lost and alone. Very few people I know can understand what I am going through. What […]

Ever since I remember I have been looked at like something you use and then throw again when u don’t need it. When people need something from me they pretent to like me and i believe them like an idiot, after they’re done with me nobody cares anymore. Even my parents have always made me feel like that, they’ve always prefer my sister over me. I don’t have many friends and I have always lived my life peacefully and as decent as possible. Everyone use to call me non or they use to think I was a lesbian because I was never seen with guys […]

More than likely this will become a rambling scatterbrained post that will make sense to only me. It all started when I was 14, I got a job at a local walkup style hotdog joint. my step brother had worked there for a couple of years and he went off on a vacation with his real mother when the boss Nathan Daniels asked if I could work. So I started working there afterschool and on weekends. It all turned strange during the summer after school let out. My boss had gained my trust fully, and he used that trust to manipulate me into, first oral […]

I am not a religous person.  Plain and simple, but i support the church.  The church does good things for people but has an odd premise.  It demands complete faith, submission, and obedience to one higher power that controls all things.  This Faith is blind for religoin.  Do we really know if there is a god that we can submit to?

No we dont.

Interesting thing is, religions have been popping up and then getting crushed by one another.  All claiming to be the true religion with the god/s with a capital “G”.

So, lets just for a moment, assume that religion is an elaborate rouse.  Now remember, […]

Life is so boring. It looks like it takes forever doing nothing, so here I am sitting bored as f***. I stumbled upon this site wondering if I could talk to the dead, what would be the quickest and least painful way to die. I am watching a shiny and sharp knife in the kitchen and I wonder how long will it take, how much force, and most important will it hurt a lot before I die? I grab my earphones and see if rhey can choke and put it around my neck wondeting if it’ll be quick. I look at all the ways to […]

I lay in the bathtub today. Just let the shower run over me. Put in the plug. Held still in the fetal position and cried. When the water reached my nose and mouth I didn’t lift my head. Once I was close to losing conciousness, however, I pulled out and breathed, and felt my heart pound annoyingly in my chest. Just a reminder of how I’m too chicken to bless myself by ending all of it. I’m too afraid to die, and too afraid to live. Guess I’ll spend another day like I have the past three weeks, lying in my bed doing nothing but […]

Let’s all get together and do the conga! Let’s show all those happy bastards what they’re missing!

Nuffin nuffin nuffin
Rhymes with muffin
But nuffin nuffin nuffin
Rhymes with ‘orange’
Could it be
That a cup of tea
Is not as good with an orange
As a muffin?

I wrote this 2 weeks after cutting off both my arms. I feel much better these days but I still want to be dead.

I am waiting

I am calling you

Here is your coffee, enjoy it!

The tree would like to be quiet, but the wind is blowing!

the swicth is off .iam out . there is no ligth on my way iama lost soul. everyday i ask myself my reason to be here. what is my purpose.. there is no way to live without passion..it could be anything i need it. how can i make myself live again? i feel so empty, so blind, so tired . i want to find a way to find myself to be me agian because rite now iam dead.

I’m about 220, 5’8″. Would one box of sleeping pills and a 6-pack of Smirnoff Ice be enough?