ok second good day in a row. XD lovin it. but there is always something to effect me.
highs: 1) bf is making huge effort in talkin to me and all the sweet things r back (lets c how long it lasts)
2) parents r acting a little nicer
3) sister isnt punching me as much
4) im able to sleep more
5) im mainly smiling til a flashback hits me but i do my best to deal with it
lows: 1) dad still causes arguement; but makes it shorter
2) mom is still a bit strict
3) sister wont leave me alone
4) my […]
Tag:
Acting
I am exhausted.
tired from acting happy while feeling nothing.
tired from going through the motions.
tired from not caring while pretending to.
impossible to dull the feelings when there are none.
what is it like to feel something?
what is it like to care?
Hi. My life story? I’m fourteen years old. My parents are divorcing, and I know it’s because of me, I was their mistake. My dad wanted kids at first, but my mom didn’t, now neither of them really want me. I have friends, and I seem like a normal crazy teenager. But hey, a smile can’t hide everything. My uncle committed suicide. I’ve thought about it many times. The only thing holding is my best friend, her brother died a few years ago. She has thoughts of suicide too. My words have always stopped her, I just wish that I could believe them myself. I’m […]
This is weird for me because I’ve never done anything like this, but this seems like the only thing I have to run to. I want to kill myself, plain and simple. I’m tired of living. I feel worthless and like a waste of space. I hate everything about me. I’m a selfish person and I only care about myself. I hurt everyone around me with my unhappiness. I’m seeing a therapist for anxiety but it doesn’t seem like its working because the pain always come back. I’m so sick of feeling dead inside. Everyday I think of suicide but I don’t have the guts. […]
I guess I thought going back to school was going to make me feel better. I thought it’d make my depression and anxiety go away and I’d be instantly better..but it didn’t. I’m still depressed and miserable, I still feel useless. I just want to be gone. The things that made me happy don’t even make me happy anymore. They’re just nice distractions, because when I really think about it, I’m not happy. I literally have no one. I just feel like a burden to my family. I know, there’s people on here that’s problems are far more worse than my own, and even now […]
Not acting on suicide plans – looking for help (SIAD/Butterfly Project)
by LilBear
written by LilBear
I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so […]
Sometimes you live, and your so busy that time just vanishes, tomorrow turns into next week, next week turns into next month, and next month turns into next year. Before you know it nothing gets done…
Well this past week has been interesting, they say the thrill is in taking part. I’m running for Student Union President, I am going laugh if I win though as I will not be here. However its the buzz of running a campaign, of talking to different people (I absolutely love talking to people…) that gets me. I’ve got tons of support from random people which is amazing, however the […]
Those of you that are atheist, or some other religion, please take no offense if this goes against your beliefs, just know that this DID happen.
The other night I wanted to grab that knife so bad and I was shaking so uncontrollably, gasping and blacking out. As these thoughts of self harm and death came into my head, God stopped me from acting on them. I felt so compelled to try and calm myself, and I felt some force driving me away from the knife and those awful, awful thoughts. Then again just two nights ago, I wanted to cut so badly, and I walked […]
Why do I act? I act in so many ways that I don’t even remember who I am. I’m just so tired of it. The same thing happening over and over again. I thought I had gotten over it, but I was wrong. Maybe I’ll never get out of this slump. I’m just stuck waiting for someone to pull me back up on my feet. Can I not mange to out of this on my own? Why can’t I? I’ve tired so many times….but I’m about to fall again. I want to stand on my own and face my fears. I want to stop acting……I […]
So I joined this website yesterday, as I lied in bed sobbing, wanting to disappear so badly. I wrote my first post, and what I wrote actually surprised myself. Before I posted I read a few other peoples… I wanted so badly to give each and every person posting a hug. I wanted to tell them they were loved and to make them choose to keep their lives… so I wrote about holding onto mine. The comments I got back, each and every one touched my heart. You guys inspired me to want to keep going, and to keep smiling along the way. Like I […]
I feel alone…empty….like nothing matters anymore…maybe it doesn’t matter…..I’m tired…tired of life…tired of people…and their acting. Acting like they care….acting like they want to help when in truth the one they really care about is themselves. Im not stupid. I believe in the truth, because lies hurt. Don’t protect me from the truth with lies and lies. I know better. I’m not a play toy. I have feelings. Humans are liers and sinners. They are worthless. I’m worthless. Even I lie from time to time. It’s hard to tell the truth but I wish that someone could even if it hurt more than the lies. […]
I the my family I see no porpuse for them.they say that they will be there for ou no matter what but that’s just a big lie…my families the worst my moms a stupid whore who hates her kids but got herself pregnant again.she isn’t a real mother all se does is verbally abuse us,I swear I don’t even consider her as my mother jut because I can’t be related to her,I just won’t except it I’m the only one sane in my house.my mons says I just look Luke my father that’s why I’m different from my sisters but I don’t care my dada […]
Well, i’ve done it, i have dumped my girlfriend, i wont repost it but you can search for the thread: Feeling weak and pathetic
I decided to give life a 2nd try, life doesnt circle around love yet it hurts alot when you are broken but now it feels like my past is catching up with me again and i am really tierd of being alone..
Im not talking about getting a new girlfriend, i’ve lost a friend due to “love”. I just wanted someone to talk to, someone who i could talk about bunch of things with, someone to speak to when i feel awful and […]
I became actively suicidal and very BPD symptomatic this last year. I’ve never really dealt with any of the b.s. from my past and it all seemed to come crashing down around me last May.
I don’t know there was any one thing that caused me to break, so much as it was just one thing building on top of another. Â Now I have an issue with keeping my head above water. Â I’ve managed not to cut since March, but the suicidal thoughts still come. Â
It’s bizzare that I have become this person. Someone who doesn’t think much of herself, does not value life, is very […]
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