…who am i?

Hi. My life story? I’m fourteen years old. My parents are divorcing, and I know it’s because of me, I was their mistake. My dad wanted kids at first, but my mom didn’t, now neither of them really want me. I have friends, and I seem like a normal crazy teenager. But hey, a smile can’t hide everything. My uncle committed suicide. I’ve thought about it many times. The only thing holding is my best friend, her brother died a few years ago. She has thoughts of suicide too. My words have always stopped her, I just wish that I could believe them myself. I’m the strongest out of my family, friends and fellow classmates. But I secretly cry myself to sleep every night. My gift of words has given me my talent of writing. But it all comes from the dark side of me. Nobody has ever seen me cry since I was about 8 years old. Sometimes when I see a knife, I hold it to my wrist when nobody is looking, and then put it back. I’ve been able to live with it for awhile, acting like I don’t care what people say about me, but I do and it’s pushing me, too far. There are rumors about me, lies, but it’s getting hard to keep walking forward. My friends see me as the not caring happy person that I wish I could be, but I can’t. Because secretly i hate myself. I’m never good enough. And the hardest part is keeping it inside. I know that I can’t tell anybody. I’ve been through so much. And I can’t keep going anymore. I’ve lost the path of life and I think that soon i’m going to hit a dead end.