I’ve been browsing here for some time now and I have to say each one of your personal stories have always helped me in some way so much obliged I strongly believe that expressing how you feel can assist you in finding a way to continue if it may only be for a few extra moments. Let me first say you can just call me Chance is a name I’ve aquired over the years for all the triumphs I’ve overcome over the past 10 years or so. I’m like everyone else I’ve loved I’ve lost overcome miscarriages with past relationships, […]
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Addict
I’m not optimistic about the future. I think my life is already done. I know, or I think so, that I have skills and abilities. If I wanted to, I could do a lot of things, I could be anything: a genius, a hero, a loved one. Sometimes I feel like I were God, with all the possibilities and a whole life in front of me. And sometimes, I feel like a turtle: small, useless in most of the cases and always quiet and hiding. I know I’m not doing any of what I could do, just because I’m too stupid for doing it and, sincerely, too lazy. A […]
i am turning 24 next month. i am a single mother. a college student and i work part time. i was an addict a few years ago and have turned my life around. i was raised by my grandarents. my mother is an addict. my father lives a wonderful life an hour away. i live in hell. i have rude grandparents as hard as it is to believe because grandparents are supposed to be nice they yell at me and tell me how lazy i am and how stupid i am how much of a b i am and how much of a sorry mother […]
I seem to stumble on this website at the oddest hours of night.Â
It’s only 4:43AM, and I can’t sleep. This is a self induced insomnia. For the first time in ages I scored Adderall and I felt like myself this evening. All good things come to an end, I’m facing the enviable come down. Maybe it’s my brain reeling from the dopamine flood it just endured. I’ve just gotten to thinking that being a depressed addict is probably one of the worst illnesses in the world. Use to live, and when the dope runs out, curl up and die.
It makes me nostalgic. I miss when […]
I’m so fuckin sick and tired of doing this. Day in day out I just float through my day, half awake half asleep, just waiting to die. Every morning I wake up dissapointed to find I’m still breathing, just the thought of getting out of my bed and looking in thr mirror scares the shit out of me. I am a coward . If I wasn’t then I would have finished the job quite some time ago instead of just lingering aimlessly through a pointless existence. I don’t want tp be here anymore, I have grown so bitter […]
Been thinking.
Too much.
How do you change your thought process? I’m not talking about just negativity, here. The way you think. I’ve been so analytical in my thought process that the only way to change is to constantly brainwash myself towards another way of thinking, and that’s what I need to escape from. I want to live in a more direct “Living by the moment for the moment”, not “Living in my brain about the moment in the moment”. I can’t just “live”. I don’t need a happily ever after either. Just normal conversations with a person. My father. My friend. Anyone. (Yeah, I’m a […]
I’m finding myself praying for death. My son is an addict, who treats everyone horrible. My family is ashamed as am I. My relationships have been one freakin disaster after another….I just work to pay my bills and support losers who won’t get jobs and take, take take.
How did I end up like this? Why do I honestly want to disappear and leave this horrible life behind. I fake a smile, I show my caring side..yet my emotional bank has been withdrawn for years now. Someone out there has to understand how I feel? I go to psychologist and they listen..but hell….the problem is me…I […]
Well… Here I am at 25. More confused than when I was 14…. Lost for 11 years. Wandering, somewhere out there alone. In a world full of trauma and pain. Not understanding where I am going, or even what I want to do. My father who was my best friend died in an accident. A month before my birthday. Right before Father’s day… My mother met an addict and decided that she wanted a different life. So when she got out of jail, she moved out of state and gave her children up to be wards of the state…
The rest of my family disappeared as […]
first of all let me say i dont have problems in school im an A student i go to a good christian school even though im not christian .
i do have problems in life i have since i was 8 . the big drama’s started when i was 12/13 im (16)
my mother is a heavy  heroine addict and hasn’t payed attention to me since i was born … when i was 8 i was taken into foster care and moved from place to place till i was 13 where i was put in a residential with 2 to 3 other girls where they decided to […]
When i was in rehab i was forced into group therapy, I was only a week into rehab so i was still feeling the effects of withdrawal, So lets just say i was not in the best of moods.
(Day 1)
When it came round to my turn, i said the words, my name is Shane and im a addict. (It didnt really feel like a big step, but it was, i see that now)
She asked me why i started doing drugs.
i said ” why does anyone do drugs, they want to escape the shityness of there live’s”(I was less cordial then)
She said “Yes, but what was it […]
I just feel I’m not worthy of living.
People who live should want to live. They should be happy and should want to accomplish things.
Ive posted about my lists before, that was not really a success. (understatement)
Since Im very chaotic, sigh, I lost my original lists. Which lead to a panic attack caus I cant stand losing things. So I made new ones. And it bothers me really much that I dont know what exactly was on the original lists.. but anyway I’ll just add the things I forgot now later.
I thought I could maybe share the lists this time.
Reasons to die:
I am selfish;
I am ugly. […]
personality keeps splintering, can’t choose a way to be, it’s tiring carrying on multiple faces. What am I talking about? Am I insane. I laughed when I read daniel radcliffe was drunk during a bunch of the harry potter scenes; i laughed to tears. Addicitve personalities man.. i started back drinking coffee again, appetites completely gone, was doing so good eating naturally.. had chocolate this morning after 2 months off.. was doing so well
i was set on not coming back here ever, set on trying harder to be positive, but even then I knew that it was the lingering buzz of the nights events still […]
My thoughts of suicide started when I was 13 years old.
 I made a friend through a connection with another friend, and she was awesome (at first). I found out a month into our friendship that she did drugs. I encouraged her to stop, but since she was 5 years older than me she was too self- absorbed to listen. So, one night she slept over my house, and curiosity got the best of me, and I tried the drugs. It was… wonderful, to say the least. So more ‘sleepovers’ were planned afterwards. If I can recall correctly, it was about the third time she slept […]
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