I am sad. Yesterday was horrible! I just broke down onto the floor. I don’t know how long I was on the floor, but it feels like quite a long time. I was saying ‘I can’t do this, I can’t fucking do this’. And I cut, and I played with my own blood. My floor has white and black squares, like a chess-board. And I was bleeding onto one of the white squares, and I was just playing with it. Then I cleaned my floor and put some alcohol onto my arm so that I wouldn’t get any weird infections. Later that night I was […]
Tag:
Alcohol
I just wanted to make sure that if I needed to do it, it would be there for me. I tried it out briefly, put it on myself. I think it might be lethal if I’ve set it up right. I could probably make it more of a sure thing with alcohol. Maybe things will get better. I feel so weak. I’m afraid that if people know, they’ll take it away from me. Nothing seems more depressing than losing my choice. Why do I feel this way? If I did it now, it would take awhile for them to find me. They’d be in bed, […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
My mother left my father when I was 2 years old. He was an alcoholic and used to be a little violent against my mother.
I’m turning 24 this year.
My father has changed. He doesn’t have a problem with the alcohol now, he drinks, but not every day. He is well now.
He always send me gifts. Birthdays and christmas. This christmas he called me. He’s done it before. We talk, and I love it. Everytime he calls, after we hung up I cry for hours. I so badly want to have a relationship with him, but I’m a coward. I live in another town, so […]
About three months ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and I miss her so much. I miss the times we had together and the dreams that we shared for our future. Now it’s all gone. I don’t want to go on anymore. I’m putting some of my affairs in order today, writing a letter, and going to do it. A lot of alcohol, some sleeping pills and Xanax, and finally, a plastic bag over my head before I pass out.
my dad is an alcoholic he’s been sober since before thanksgiving. This Christmas he started drinking. And has been since. I obviously hatE when he’s like that. Like why does he need to be drinking. Why does he need to start drinking. I hate him. He absolutely had an affect on me and made me how I am. I don’t even understAnd why he started drinking in the first place. I don’t remember him drinking when we still lived in lithuania. Its confusing to me. Its one of the reasons I hate being at home. Especially when he’s like that. Well all in all it […]
I began cutting at the age of 14. Got serious and went to rehab and have been ‘sober’ for 8 years now. I remember the joy and pleasure it gave. It’s been a ‘scar’ on my personality ever since and they will never fade. I have made multiple ‘attempts.’ I guess, I never ‘tried’ bit if I succeeded I wouldn’t have minded it. The only think keeping me from it is the shame I bring to my family and the social stigma that comes with the territory of prying eyes. I have been obsessed with death and no light in sight. I feel like today […]
I woke up still drunk from the night before. I was wearing my coworker’s name tag on the shirt I’d worn the day before and wasn’t wearing much else. “Oh, great, not again.” I didn’t remember much past nine p.m. the night before, but I know I’d eaten fish tacos. I was supposed to be at work within the hour and I knew the day was going to be hell.
It was eight a.m. and I was still drunk. The bad kind of drunk that didn’t feel good. But no kind of drunk was really […]
Friend of mine died from over dosing on sleeping pills. This has been quite a while maybe like 4 years? i never got the details as his family was very hurt and shocked by this. but from what i learned is that he took 32 50 mg sleeping pills (over the counter) and some alcohol(spirits,liquor) and sat in his bath. now im confused as to how he died some say he drowned when he went unconscious and some are saying he just over dosed and went to sleep in the water(forever) i just miss him a lot and i just had a random dream of […]
I was just recently raped by someone that I knew and it was all because I went on another binge. I just wanted to stay home and drink until Monday morning. Ended up making a really bad decision to attempt to make amends with someone that I had a falling out with. I bought a box of Burgundy, within a few hours it was gone. I got a drunk text from the guy and we decided that I should hang out with him and go to his house. I went down in the morning and he and I continued to drink. It got really bad […]
I only just found this site, which is pretty weird seen as I have been searching and studying suicide methods for 3 years.
Just briefly: I have known that I would take my own life for about ten years (I’m 37), and for 3 years I knew that the time was near and I started to study methods. the past year has been detailed planning.
Since I was 15 I have taken many overdoses, some of them massive (280 paracetamol, 80 sleeping pills and alcohol). Each and every time I have survived, obviously. But I warn you now, recovery is horrible, absolutely horrible, I can’t stress that […]
i have had three attempts.
!. od on vicodin, got sick, pain for over a week following, think i did permanent liver damage
2. od on ativan/ambien, friend called 911, transport to hospital, don’t remember much, forced to drink charcoal, hospitalized in mental ward
3. strangulation, friend found me, cut tube off my neck, damaged throat & had difficulty swallowing
if i try again i am going to drink a lot of alcohol, take a bottle of of ativan & hang myself from a bridge near my house. i have the rope and i have been practicing tying noose knots. i’m pretty good at it now.
I don’t feel comfortable talking about my life, even behind a veil of anonymity. Not yet any way, But after a long road i’m now living with my Girlfriend, going on 2 weeks now. We’ve been together 10 months. 10 months of only seeing each other every other weekend, so its a nice change.
I thought i got over this a while ago, after 3 attempts and a long spiral everything seemed to be looking up. i joined the Navy(Â i was later separated because I “might” have ADD( their words not mine) i at least tried, which is much more than many others can say. […]
Finally, oblivious parents have recognized my bulimic ways and decided to get me help. I’m going to a doctor tomorrow and I’m actually eating full meals. I feel…. pretty good. I thought all hell was going to break loose if they found out, but they were more understanding than I thought they would be. My brother knows, and he choose to just ignore me instead of supporting, but he can go fuck himself for all I care.
My bulimia was the cause of all my strife. I’ve felt happier in the past two days than I have in a long time. Though it will take me […]
I don’t even know where to start explaining this…for that matter I’m not even sure that I’m trying to explain something to begin with. Maybe I’m just trying to understand it. Maybe some part of my brain is hoping that if I string enough words together someone, somewhere, will be able to explain it all to me.
I don’t even know if I’m suicidal. I used to think that “suicidal” was something definitive. Something that you’d know if you were or you weren’t. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing you’d miss, you know? I suppose if someone asked me outright I’d say no, I’m […]
I am depressed.
I am an insomniac.
I have an obsessive compulsive nature.
I am paranoid.
I can’t cope.
It’s been said that admitting your faults, admitting your issues, is one step on the way to recovery. But when your 2 million steps below the surface, one step doesn’t make that much difference.
I can admit to you, to anyone, those 5 things. I feel understand how those 5 things are related to me. I could even give you examples of how they come across in my every day life.
None of this makes me feel remotely better. What used to make me feel better was alcohol and other self-destructive materials. I […]
Things, for lack of a better word, have not been well. A year ago, I met the woman of my dream, an angel, true beauty. We were married and the wine began to flow. I’d find myself needing to leave bars, having put down more whisky and xanax than any normal man should. One night, while in a drunken rage, I did the unspeakable, a slapped that beautiful woman. The look of sadness and pain in her eyes is still etched in my brain. I was arrested and sentences to some alcohol classes. The drinking worsened to the point that we started staying apart several […]
In my mid 40s old, have lead a charmed life at times, always looking for the thing that would make me happy. Bottomline nothing can make anyone happy it comes from within. So how do you do that when the weight of the world and the consequences of poor choices and actions culminate into one gigantic crushing smoothering ball and chain. Reality becomes blurred and all you want to do is check out. My children and the fear of death and HELL up to this point keep me from doing the worst however as they are several states away and thier Mother is awaiting me […]
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