On one of the spectrum, I am a depressive martyr, thinking thoughts of suicide 60% of the time. Hoping that a small fragment of happiness will bless my broken life. I still have hope that maybe one day it will change. I have found out that if you sit and wait for good things to happen, it usually never does, but I have also discovered when I try to make good things happen to me, it blows up in my face and I’m worse off than before. I don’t know why I came back here, did I thought it was going to make me feel […]
What the hell is wrong with me, I can’t even get death right. I’m so fucked right now, I’m still alone and fucking hungry! How and when does it stop?! I don’t know if I’m just too nice or stupid. On top of it all, I’ll be homeless in a few days, I don’t have a place for my dog to go, and I just got robbed by a guy asking for a quarter!!!! A fucking quarter!!! I only had 3 dollars!!!! I want to die because my lonliness is heavy on my heart and my head now. What is there to do now?!! I […]
I dont think anyone can hate me just as much as i hate myself . ive been rejected so many times for so long i honestly end laughing at myself because idk why im putting up with . i dont even know why i continue to look live with depression . someone that is alone like myself will never beat depression or ever find someone to care about me. Sometimes i just sit and imagine to myself how my life would be if i wasnt alone depressed or being with someone special to me but reality is always outside of my mind .im finally […]
For I am alone in this world,
my life has succumbed to a ball of nothingness and my heart,
Well my cold black heart longs to no longer beat.
My mind sit and ponders over the though of the bitter sweet relief
that death shall bring.
For I am alone in this world,
I have time to sit.
I have time to regret.
I have time to hate.
I have time to become the monster that I stand to be in this moment.
And I have time to wish away my future.
For I am alone in this world.
~ […]
I was watching tv had a couple of laughs then went back to my usual depression when i rembered that i am alone and always been. Cant even sleep cus my own thoughts betray and remind that i am alone and reminding to never dare to hope because it will only lead to more self hate and to more suicidal plans that i try to get rid off but i just cant because its the only way to “get out” of my life. I used to think i could escape into my dreams and forget about my reality at least for a while but that […]
Born at zero, learnt to walk at one, learnt to talk at two, got friends at three, learnt to draw at four, learnt to count at five, learnt to spell at six, parents divorced at seven, depressed at eight, confused at nine, alone at ten, procrastinating at eleven, drinking at twelve, cutting at thirteen, loved at fourteen, almost had a child at fifteen, started drugs at sixteen, lost everything at seventeen, dead at eighteen
ever since primary school I had been cutting. I dud it because all my ‘friends’ were horrible. One day they were all friendly the next day they would be holding me down and throwing footballs at me. Bow I’m in secondary school. And it just got worse. I was alone again. Then people started commenting on my appearance. I began starving myself to make ne skinnier than I am. I gate being ugly I hate it. One day I decided I was gonna do it. I had enough. But then this boy stayed up all night trying to stop me. He was the kindest person […]
So, apparently there is this earthquake that is supposed to take place in California on May 28th and I hope it happens so I can finally die in my sleep. I’m tired of this life, and I’m tired of waking up in the mornings knowing I have to start another miserable day of this life of mine. I’ve posted here in the past several times but as the days go on my depression gets worse and my thoughts get deeper. I honestly can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of being so lonely and only being remembered when people need something from me. I have no […]
if i cant find a job, i will end up homeless eventually. i dont want that. i went to college. i want to work, and have a life. i dont want to end up homeless. i want a job, so i can afford to see doctors about my little health issue (that is easily fixable if one has just a little money). there isno reason why i should end up homeless, but it seems that is what is going to happen eventually. i have no siblings, and my cousins all have thier own families. im scared to die, im scared of death. im also terrified […]
I don’t want to hurt my family, but I am in too much pain to carry on. I was never meant for this world. I feel so alone and lost. I just want my soul to be forever free.
As i’m sitting here, home alone, typing this, i’m feeling slightly hopeful for this website. I don’t know how many people are active here. I don’t even know if I really care. All I know is that I need a place to vent when I need to, and this place caught my eye. I would like to begin by just venting about my setting. I’m sitting here at a kitchen dining room table that’s littered with used kleenex- 15 of them, my OCD made me count-, a red face, and a wadded up suicide note. Kidding about the last thing. I have a need to […]
Everyday is a constant battle with myself – Somedays, I feel like I have a whole army behind me ready to fight and feeling hopeful and most of the days, I’m fighting alone and the only right thing to do is surrender.
I try so hard
But you never go away
I try so hard
To forget your face
Your smile was brilliant
It lit up the room
Your body resilient
To the deepest wounds
Skin like silk
Hanging from ivory bone
Holding you still
As you suffered alone
So strong and so quiet
Your heart was my home
But the beating grew silent
And so did the phone
I should have begged you not to go
I shouldn’t have tried to let you go
Now I’m broken and so alone
Incapable of loving another soul
Heartbreak I can handle
But this is much more
You were my anchor
I found my way back to this site, over 3 years since my first and only post. It’s been so long I had forgotten I even made an account. And how disheartening it was to have the realization that in many ways, I am no better now than I was then. The stigma that is still around mental health leads people to believe that these conditions are just something one can “get over”. That surrounding yourself with loved ones, exercising, getting a pet, etc., will “cheer you up”. I stand as one of so very many examples that this is not the case. Though I […]
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad the dreams in which I’m dying are the best ive ever had..
It’s one thing to be alone..but when ur around people who make you FEEL alone..that’s the worst! Sad… we live together but hardly ever speak even when the opportunity is there..we pass ec other without ever even looking up..its to the point where u realize the people ur suppose to know the best are really just strangers…
I didn’t know what to do. I just got that feeling that I didn’t want to live anymore, that it wouldn’t matter to anyone. It was hard. I was alone and I couldn’t decide whether to live or not. I just don’t know.
I went driving. Thinking “how fast do i need to drive into this tree to kill me and cash.” [cash is my dog by the way] What kept running through my head was my baby. I cant leave him but i don’t have the heart to kill him.
I shoulda drove off the road that night.
Its hard to fight depression man. Its like it creeps up and takes over. And im doin what im supposed to but when im alone, my mind wonders. I get sad. I have thoughts. I hate bein alone.
I got my whole world wrapped up in a dog. When […]
I feel so alone b/c I am. tired of being the only one not living life in my household
Why do I feel so alone? I try to stay positive but how could I?
Music is being abused
People are being used
And me
I’m still confused
On why I’m here
Why I’m alive
To only survive
The cruelty and ridicule
Of others
Save me
Mother
Hear me
Brother
Oh
I’m alone
I miss me
And missed me
All at once
What was important then
Is now non-existent, leaving, or changing
Sorta like me
I’m a lot like life
With these
Hollow bones