i want to die but i don’t want to commit suicide. i just wish i could close my eyes and it will all be over. i also sometimes imagine what it would be like if i were in an accident, attacked, etc. i’ve never had a long streak of happiness. i’m unhappy, depressed, sad, angry, paranoid, and self loathing all the fucking time. if i ever try to tell someone, i’m told that i’m not really depressed and i’m just stressed and it will pass. i’m told not to pretend that i have a problem. i’m not saying i have a fucking “problem”. i’m saying […]
Tag:
alone
I’m sick of being everyone’s second choice – everyone’s shoulder to cry on.
You can’t use me when it’s convenient for you.
I feel like I was born and bred to be a shoulder to cry on… And I spend almost all my time alone trying to comfort myself.
If anyone needs a shoulder to cry on, I guess I’m here… Here to be convenient for you. I know you won’t appreciate it, but you’re welcome.
You know I’m going to be here, even when I don’t want to be. Because I’m predictable.
🙂
Hello.
There are a few background things you might want to know. Firstly, I’m a clinical psychopath. This doesn’t make me a killer or a psycho, although it is generally a daily struggle to keep from being either. To me, the world is black and white; there exists, for me at least, no shades of gray. My parents have known about my condition and have actually by and large done an excellent job of raising me. I come from a privileged family and have had everything I have needed provided for me, within reason. I’ve worked to secure that which would not be provided, namely the […]
Yesterday I got into a very suicidal mood which is totally isn’t me, or so I thought. I laid in bed all day and would have rather been dead than have done anything else. I’ve been depressed for the past few months after my mom cheated on my dad and they’re now going through a nasty divorce. I don’t talk to my mom anymore even though we still live in the same house. I feel really alone and like no one understands. I’m 14, I have a whole life ahead of me and I already want to die? It just doesn’t seem right. I want […]
It’s 4pm and I’m sitting here drinking liquid courage. I guess I’m just looking for suicidal people to talk to at this moment, because I like you lot.
I feel like you get it. Thanks.
Even though I’m more of a lurker, I’ve enjoyed the words I’ve had with some of you. You make me feel less crazy.
I feel like I snapped today, and now I should just get it over with. Because everyone thinks I’m mad at them but I’m not. I’m just mad at myself. And I wish I wasn’t out of tequila.
I guess I’m seeking a distraction right now.
In about 8 hours I’ll be leaving for ontario.It’s only when I had finished packing that it strucked me…Not that I’m sad to leave the place where I lived for 15 years.More like that I won’t see the only person that understood me a bit again.I can see how painful it is to my father too.I feel a bit bad that ploting suicide without him knowing anything.I cried for about 30 min in the shower.I didn’t thought I still could.
When I get there,I decided to give myself a month.One month to look at my life and see if it get any better.If not,then I’ll […]
I’ve been alone pretty much my whole life. My family never really cared, I was always pushed last. I never had a friend. Everyone in school always picked on me because I was different. Whenever I thought I made a friend, they always found someone better and pushed me away.
It hurts feeling alone. No one gives you a chance and no one cares unless you’re pretty or dying.
I just want someone to care, to be a friend, to be lame and play video games with me.
I’m a nice girl, I always have been. But no one gives me a chance.
I can’t complain too much about my life. Both my parents love me, though sometime I find myself thinking it’s because they have to. I have a little sister and an older brother. Things I have to complain about are typical in our now a day system.
I’ll start with my siblings.
My little sister is a princess at heart but a complete wannabe to the darker side of life. She loves shopping for clothes and toys alike. Though fakes being bored. She loves the colors pink and purple and does her best to hide it. We all know how good little kids are at hiding things. […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]
Recently me and my girlfriend of 1 year and almost 8 months broke up. When we first broke up i wanted to kill myself, i couldnt think of a reason to get out of bed. I didnt move for 2 days.
Now i feel like things are somewhat getting better. I am up out of bed, and i am talking to her again. I’m regaining hope.
All i want in my life is her. She is the most beautiful girl ever to me. But without her i have fallen into a depression. I dont feel hungry or thirsty, i havent a real meal in about 5 days, […]
I’ve done it.I think I finaly got rid of the only two “friends” that still talked to me.I kept rejecting their proposal to hang out.It’s been about 2 weeks that I haven’t seen them.
No more stupid talk
No more going along those stupid talk
No more people trying to change me at all cost
No more fake smile
I am 100% alone now.
Man it just feels so stupid to write this for everyone to see.I wish I could burn my mask but I’m too much of a coward to do so.I’ve goten so affraid of being rejected by people that I’ll surely use it forever on…My mother started noticing […]
Why is it so hard to accept me the way I am…
I’m awkward,weird and have the strangest of haircut.I didn’t know that was so unforgivable.I’m just tired of putting on that fake personality,that fake smile.It’s almost a natural reflexe now.Every time I’m finaly able to be myself(wich is a RARE occurence),people just avoid me.It’s been like that since kindergarden.Am I that repulsing?
I’m tired of speacking to myself.
Tired of crying alone.
Tired of feeling like I was a shadow.
I feel so worthless,alone in this sea of people just passing by me unless I say what they want.I’ve never been able to find the place I can call […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
first off id like to say i hate everything. I stopped taking meds and now i cant move my fucking arm cause of a stress related disorder.I couldnt walk earlier and now this. I dont know why i stopped taking it it just happened. But for some reason ive gone between super happy then super pissed and now depressed and wanting to die. No im not bipolar. Im psychotic but not schizophrenic. And Im terribly alone ive never been more alone. My two main emotions are alone and pissed off. But i have to keep cool only my close friend knows whats going on with […]
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
“How Nice To Feel Nothing, and Still Get Full Credit For Being Alive.”
by MilesToGo
written by MilesToGo
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]
Everyone just works their asses during Jr. High and High School so the can get good grades and go to college. Then once they’re in college, everyone works their asses off so they can get good grades and graduate and get a good job. Then everyone works their fucking asses off in their jobs so they can make money. Then once they have money they buy a big house but they can never come home to it, can they? That’s right because they’re too busy working their asses off to afford that house and cleaning ladies and putting their kids through school even though their […]
I tried of everything.
Tried of losing my friends.
Tried of not being notice.
Tried of those who don’t understand.
Tried of trying to fit in.
I so tried, just I want it all to end.
But i going to live, because I tried of people who think I am not going to make it.
I’m NOT tried of proving them wrong.
It’s been at the back of my mind for a while. But now I’ve come to realise that it’s more than just suicidal thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I just have this really strong feeling that there’s something not right about me being alive. It’s not a result of bullying or any sort of trauma, it’s just a feeling, a really strong one. Over the past few weeks I’ve been putting myself through relatively dangerous “tests” to see whether I belong here or not. So far, I’ve survived them (clearly) but they’re not enough proof for me that I belong anymore. I just […]
It seems as if though everything is getting better but I don’t know….. I am still sad…. Yet, I am happy too now. My so called “friend” is going around and saying that I’m knocked up… I can’t take more rumors…. I feel like breaking down and crying… I don’t know what to do anymore… I wish that someone could help me…. It seems as if no one can, though.. I am nothing really. Just a girl with a lot of problems… Nothing special about me really…. Being put down your whole life changes how you look at yourself…. I wish that I could smile […]