Ive have had suicidal thoughts for as long as i can remember but this time I’m really scared they are stronger and worst this time i try to think of another solution but it always ends up at just end it all. Everyone has something against me. They all blame me the people that i value so much are the ones who have hurt me the most i don’t want to tell them anything about my thoughts because i know they will feel sorry or call me even more stuff. I have someone who I’m currently dating i feel like he just stayed with […]
I always wanted to kill myself ever since my dad got lung cancer and passed when I was 10. But the thoughts of suicide got worse when I started to get bullied in school at 11. Every year it got worse and worse. I started to cut myself and snap rubber bands on my wrist till they bled. I never felt good enough for anybody. I always felt out of place. I’m twenty now and working. But I began to get bullied there too for being skinny. Its not just the bullying that bothers me, its being single and lonely. I’ve been used […]
I try. I try to do everything. I try to keep you happy. I try to really hard to keep you from getting upset. I try to get everything done. I try to finish what I start. I try to make you happy.
I try to be a good mom. I try not to give too much advice or leeway, but it seems I just cant find the right balance.
I try to be there for you when you need someone. I try to make myself available to you for just about everything. I try to make sure your always comfortable. I try to keep […]
Yes Creed.
Still alive folks. worried because I’m struggling not to slide into sadness again. I mean things do feel a bit different now that I’m on meds but I’m starting to think abut death a few times a day instead of one or two. And not always as a joke or an escape.
Started going to church again but it’s weird cuz it’s not the denomination i’m used to but there is a lot of singing and hugs so I’m figuring it out. I’m trying to see if being connected with God or the Universe will make this all feel different.
I constantly have to do lists in […]
I have never been one to share my personal thoughts or feelings. I try to go throughout life quietly, minding my own business and not involving anyone with my personal affairs. That being said, this was difficult to publish into cyber space, among all the folks who have nothing better to do but verbally attack other human beings from behind a screen. I know that. But here I am. I have never been a “glass half full” type of person. I’m more of a “the entire lake is dried up” kind of gal. Which is why I found it strange and even checked myself for […]
Every day is the same… wake up, put on the mask that hides how I feel, how I’ve always felt, and then get on with another shitty day until i get back into bed that night and can take it off.
I’m so used to being depressed now and from such a young age that if i suddenly and miraculously stopped I’m not quite sure it’d feel right. Nobody has ever known how i feel, never told any friends, nor family and definitely not a doctor. I’d never want anyone to know but the funny thing is at the same time i’ve always wished someone would […]
to be honest… I wish I wasn’t sick anymore cause no one gets it. I wish I could have some one like the “sick” girls in my books the girls that are just like me they get rescued y cant I y cant I have some one like tate someone to love me like he loves violet… I have a boyfriend sure but its like he just doesn’t care he said it was “you and me together for always” but he doesn’t love me and I […]
I am really nothing…
hi my name is **** *****. i am 1?-years old… hehe i don’t know how to start telling my life, but I’m not really good at English… I writing this because I think it will make me feel better… umm… I grew up in small city. When I was 3-8 years old, I have painful days and happy days of course. my parents were drunk, fighting, every Friday, Saturday, it was never changed 5-years, always drinking, fighting. me and my big brother and my lil sister, crying in room, our word never changed our parents, we always tell them to stop […]
Whenever I talk about suicide with my family or friends, they always say the same things: it’s wrong, it’s selfish, it’s just NOT GOOD. And yeah, I get the part that by doing it, you’d hurt those that love you. But the thing is, when I think about suicide, I think about how the people around me would be better off in some way and how I’d spare them and the people that I might cross paths with in the future. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to be a bad person. And that’s one of the reasons why I want to […]
I messed up this summer. I fucked up my relationship with my best friend who I’ve secretly had feelings for for the past 5 or so years. Since grade school we were friends and in high school when I started to get really depressed she was the only person I could talk whom I felt didn’t judge me for it. She helped me a lot in some low points in my life when I was thinking about suicide. She’d always ask me how I was feeling and she’d listen to me rant about life without judgement. She lived kind of far away so I would […]
In 2010, after over a decade of severe depression and several years of suicidal feelings, I made the decision to finally end things. To this day, it is the only time I have ever made concrete plans to take my life.
I kept a journal documenting my decision and feelings before and leading up to my planned suicide. Below are excerpts from two of those journal entries (the second being parts of a private message sent to someone from my past I had reconnected with. It was written as my end date was approaching).
Perhaps there are some people who will find comfort in reading these things […]
Every time I ask for help all she does is laugh. All I need is her advice, but instead she would laugh. She doesn’t look at my arms anymore because she thinks I’m normal but really I have razor cuts all over my arms. When I started to cut she always thought It was a break up, but It was always her. She made fun of me and my friends. Always blamed me for her and my stepdad fighting. I’ve been cutting myself for over a week because of her. I just need her to accept me and know that I am my own person. […]
i see myself as a realist. the glass is full to me half with liquid and half with vapor; but it’s all water. i will never tell anyone that it gets better. the older i get, the harder everything is. i do think it is worth getting out of bed each day, even if i’m not working. i live for fleating moments of happiness. it’s always something simple. i take joy in nature. just a 5 minute walk can change my mood. but in general, my heart is half full of hate & half with love. i am good at hiding the hate, but after […]
I made one of these yesterday, and I thank everyone on here for being so supportive. But, it’s really gotten to me now, I have a suicide plan. I’m going to get a bottle of my heart medication and take it all. I’m probably going to do it before Christmas. I know I shouldn’t and that there is help out there for people like me. I guess I’m just not sure if I want help anymore. I mean, there is always going to be someone who hates me for being me, right? How am I supposed to know I will find someone else like me anyways? That I […]
Idk what to say…I guess I’ll talk about what made me the way I am. I’ve been suicidal and a cutter since I being the youngest of ten kids I could never speak up about how I felt. Who’d listen? I was being molested by my big brother…the family secret. When I was ten I finally tried telling my mom what was happening, she promised to make it stop…it didn’t. Every night I’d be in bed and wake up and feel my brother’s hand going up my nightgown. I would kick him to make him go away….I didn’t dare scream for fear my parents would […]
I consider my depression a terminal illness. Some of us battling this illness, we know we will terminate our lives one day. We are basically just waiting to die, because we can’t be saved. The darkness inside will always be there, waiting to resurface . It won’t let us be normal. It won’t let us be happy. It’s like we are slaves to this darkness. We basically sign our lives away by taking all the medication, because once you’re on antidepressants, you can’t stop taking them or else you’ll really be fucked in the […]
How can one go on with life that promises no hope. How can one break a smile with no source of joy. Its always a failed battle. What else can be a reason to hang on?I have not one reason left. I have no love left for myself. I am angry for being the complete definition of worthless. I desire nothing else in life but death. True happiness is leaving and not living in a life that doesn’t consider you a significant piece of the whole puzzle. The only cure to this lifelong suffering is death. And thus…one of these days I’llkiss this foresaken world […]
It wasnt always like this…. Growing up I thought I had the world, I had parents that loved me and loved each other… I had friends that no matter what where always their for me. Growing up I was always shy, and had low self esteem. But it didn’t get to me until I was 15. My mom cheated on my dad, she now has a new boyfriend who is mean. I lost all my friends, I pushed them away. I became depressed, suicidal, cutting myself, getting high, drinking, I wanted to die. I hated myself. I planned to do it multiple times, but every […]
Its been around two weeks since i started starvation, this is definetely not a way to go if you want to go peacefully, my body weight is at an all time low, my body is weak and any physical task is hell. Keeping composure at work and acting normal is the hardest of task. Im not sure if im hallucinating due to it, theres always something there edging me on to just finish myself off faster. I often find myself speaking to it or myself, my memories are a bit faded and does not feel like my own. The depression and anxiety remains strong. I […]
Well, what can I say? I’m actually quite surprised that I’m actually still here today. I used to cut, and I believe I’m one year clean as of yesterday. When I’m at school, it’s as if everyone wants me gone. But when I come online, it’s like everyone in the whole technical universe loves me for who I am, and that’s probably the whole reason I’m still here, because of internet people. You guys are the best, and always make my day. Whether it be by cracking a joke, or telling an awesome story! (: I thank you guys for that. I look forward to each […]