I feel as though i keep getting chases to “start over”… however i end up either back in the same place or missing where i was before. I feel like even though i have change of scenery all my baggage (especially of the emotional kind) always keeps me revisiting my past. I need to let go and move on. I dont belive in forgetting your past but for my case I dwell on it so much I need to completely push it back into the “vault” and only revisit the past when I have my head and life together; because right now I am just […]
It was many and many a year ago,
In a Kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this Kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of Heaven,
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this Kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen […]
I’ve been through it all. The medications. The Treatments. The therapy. At some point everything became blank. After I visited my father, who criticized me down to the last bit until I realised, I am nothing. I failed at all my suicide attempts. They said everyone who survived an attempt is always greatful. I wonder, when did it all go wrong. For as long as I remember, I was just…never real. We are all not real. I tried my best to always do what my parents wanted. I just wasn’t smart enough. I tried to be the best. But I’m nothing. My existence is a […]
Im young,I’m also 14
ive always wanted to talk to someone my mom doesn’t talk to me she knows I cut she took me to church for people to talk to me to pray for me yes she’s a Cristian but she doesn’t do the heavy lifting she doesn’t ask how I’m doing or how was ur day I told her she doesn’t show she cares she said she doesn’t care that pulled the trigger and I think it’s time to say goodbye no one listens to me, no one cares my mom mostly and that’s the part that hurts she works we only see her […]
…speak the same language.
But hola there.
And as a shy n’ paranoid beign i am i will hide some of the reasons that brought me here (if u don’t mind)
Today is a rainy day but there is no difference to me ’cause i always bring this grey cloud over me. In fact ,i choosed this nickname because the word ‘luck’ wasn’t a very sudden thing in my life. Not only this, but 8 more to come, one worse than the other.
Dunno anything, i just want to die an maybe get some ice cream : )
My mother is never really careful with how she says things. She’s always frank without boundaries and she never understands what’s wrong with that. She has so many hurtful words she already told me that I cannot even remember the worst of them. She has called me names, judged my whole life and according to her, I will never be anything in life.
When she’s mad, she’s mad. She doesn’t care whatever she does or say that will affect anyone. Maybe this is the reason why I’m so sensitive, because those things I never thought I would hear from anyone would come from her. She would […]
Rereading the title of this post almost makes me chuckle. The passivity inherent in it, that eventually I will do something, is the way i’ve been living my life up until this point. It’s part of the reason I want to end my life. But not the only reason.
The reason is, I have always felt outside of the norm. I’ve always felt rejected and set aside, despite being told I was loved, I felt somehow dismissed. I know that in school I was indeed rejected and set aside. I was a wierd kid. I can’t let go of the idea of what I used to be, […]
I’ve always been told that I’m living wrong, I’m doing things wrong, I have the wrong hobbies and interests, hanging out with the wrong friends, being either to shy or to loud, spending my time wrong, treating people wrong. And I have always believed them, my family, my friends, my teachers or whoever I was in contact with. I tried to be like them, like the “cool guys at school” even though it was exactly them who bullied me for years; I tried to befriend them and act like them, because every input I got from anyone was about me being wrong and them being […]
Mother, I will address you first since I have known you the longest: Well, EXCUUUUUUSE ME! So sorry my very existence screwed your life up so bad. You had a couple of options, and it’s not my fault your chosen mate was already married with a family. Now you can just go on your merry way and live out your golden years without the horror of your past staring you in the face every day. And yes, I did this on purpose so you would have to bury me. You said you didn’t think you could make it if lil bro died from his cocaine […]
I feel bad and gross and annoyed and sad. I’m never good enough for other people. I’m always everyone’s second choice. I could never be anyone’s favorite person. Why would I be though? I’m horrible at socializing. Id rather be alone than with other people. When I’m alone I’m just myself. I’m not worried of being judged. Saying the wrong things. Not being talkative enough. Not being energetic enough. I feel tired as hell 75% of the day. When I’m with other people I feel lonelier than when I’m with myself. That makes no sense. But why don’t people like me? Do I not look […]
I remember everything that day.. the fight, the feelings of apathy from people who I thought cared about me, and the last song I heard before I went into my coma. The day started out normal with the exception of me waking up late and having to take a quick shower before class. My roommate made it well-known that she was pretty irritated by my actions because she wouldn’t even speak to me the entire day. I tried to ignore it, but the caring person I am tried to fix whatever she was upset about. When I came home, she was downstairs and I knew […]
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.’”
I first read this line around 5 years ago in college and I didn’t quite understand it. I was thinking of suicide back then too, but not particularly as a good or comforting thing. Back then, I was afraid of suicide and couldn’t understand why it would be a consolation.
I think that I’m starting to understand this aphorism a lot better now. In my worst days, suicide was the only thing that I had to look forward to. In my only slightly better days, I would go […]
You ever feel so empty that you begin to suck yourself into this abyss? You wish you could blame them and sometimes you do; but there’s always that tiny little voice that reminds you that it’s actually your fault, that you did this to yourself. And you know that voice is a LIE; you scream it to yourself everyday that that voice is trying to push you past the point of no return, but the voice sounds so right that eventually you think of the nearby overpass and wonder if it would hurt if you fell. And the most stupid thing about all this is […]
before my deployments started i was good for 80k plus a year i was not teh most liked guy in my workplace but I did ok. Teh war taught me to really appreciate what I have and to treat my “clients differently to appreciate their human qualities and understand it wasnt my job to make them miserable instead it was my job to ensure they were safe and in custody. You see I was a Correctional Officer, and an MP. i was my institutions go to guy i worked OT 6 to 8 months a year solid 16 ours a day 7 days a week. […]
hey im new .
im emily and im always feeling lonly and i did stop cutting cuz it wont do nothing . I have so much feelings bottled up in me and i dont knoe who to tell bc mostly people dont really care but i found this site . My voice well be heared and thats all i really wanted so if u need help or anything im here for u and everyone else . So i guess go follow me on instagram @emily.guilbert .
Bye .
So I turn 18 tomorrow. And I promised myself that I wouldn’t turn 18 like this. I told myself that the fucked-up version of me would not live to see 18. Yet here I am, about to turn 18 the same depressed, lonely, self-destructive wreck that I’ve always been.
How could I have been so stupid to think that everything was going to change by just wishing? I would do anything to feel happiness. To feel love. To feel anything but this pain. But I feel like I physically can’t do anything about it.
I wish I had a gun. My life is such a mess that I can’t […]
This is for you, I read your last post, titled “Love”. I hope this will shed some light on the subject.
In fact a mature person does not fall in love, they rise in love. The word ‘fall’ is weak. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine; they don’t have […]
Nobody loves me, in fact no one particular gives a shi* about me. My family’s screwed up, always arguing. I live with my nan, my mum has schizophrenia, my Granddad has bipolar and my dad is a drug/alcohol addict. No one at school likes me, I’m too ugly and fat.
I just feel like suicide is the only way out.
Sorry if I blinded you.
Sorry if I blinded you
If we weren’t created by God or some other third party creator, Humanity is essentially the result of a bunch of genetic changes gone haywire, which resulted in most likely unwanted mutations (evolution). In short, humanity is one giant genetic cluster*****.
So if we just “got here”, then life technically doesn’t have a purpose, so life is technically meaningless.
That being said, we are here now, so we may as well do something. Who cares about making a mark on the world. I’m just going to do what I’ve always done: “Suck eternally!”