I hate my body I really don’t know what to do in life I have no talent n I can’t be of any use to anymore we’ll at times that what my stepdad thinks. But I sometimes believe him I wish I wasn’t in so much pyshical pain n to try n get better while waiting I feel so scared n wonder about how am I still here. It’s difficult right now my body feels like a accordion I hope I spelled that right cause certain areas of my body feel either twisted or stretched out why is there hope… but I want to talk […]
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I was in a relationship for 15 years where he belittled me on a daily basis. It wasn’t until the divorce and 2 children later that I was told I suffer from battered woman’s syndrome. I was always too fat, never good enough in bed, mean, moody, didn’t clean enough, not a good cook, not a good mom, didn’t take my schooling far enough to be able to give him all the material things he wanted, etc. Finally after a year of being divorced, I tried online dating. I met several people, none of which caught my attention. Then I met one that was not […]
me and Ryan kinda jumped into things very fast. He moved in with me after two weeks, but we were happy as can be. I was always weary that he was lying to me, because that’s just what I’ve always been used to. But everything he said always added up. He was extremely supportive of everything, including my mental illnesses. we were in everything together. Ryan comes from a very rough child hood. Him & his siblings were taken away from his parents when I believe he was three. He found his mom when he was 18, and moved in with her. I actually met […]
So while I know this post will be long and I’m not sure worth anyone’s time I’m warning in advance it may not be worth reading… I just decided I’ll tell everything even if it may all be stupid..
Ill start from the beginning. I’m 23.
Growing up my parents always argued between the yelling and hitting I always somehow found myself with headphones under my bed. At 10 the called it quits my mom had had enough. The day my father left is still pretty upsetting because I remember just how much he cried. Finally thing were getting better. So I thought… About 8 months down […]
I don’t know if my memories are real anymore because they blur with my dreams of you. I dream of how things should have been. As you torture my mind I cling tighter to those memories and dreams and I feel guilty for loving him now that you are gone. I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I deserve any happiness because you didn’t have any, I feel like I’m betraying you by building a life with him. But I have to. I’m stronger now since I lost you but I am weak, and stupid. I make bad choices and I hurt people. The ones […]
Things seemed like they were going great, I’m so stupid. Why the fuck would I be optimistic when life just had to bite me in the ass. I have to go to Sydney, a massively overcrowded city to see my family, be tossed from one family to the other whilst old people hug me and say I have grown so much, see my best friend (and I use that term lightly) who has ignored me since I last went back to Sydney. I also get to see her older brother (my old crush from when I was little) and he loves to torment me saying […]
I force myself to go out alone. It is a feeble attempt to pretend I have a life. Everyone always says go out meet people do your own thing. Blah Blah Blah. I do freaking everything alone what I miss is human companionship. So, I am out having a beer watching football. I am surrounded by groups of friends and families. I am jealous and sad. I look and wonder what it is they have I don’t that. I can’t be that bad, my therapist always said everyone deserves love as is. As is in the sense of big small issues or no issues. It’s […]
According to dictionary.com…
Salvation:
1.the act of saving or protecting from harm, risk, loss, destruction, etc.
2.the state of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc
3.a source, cause, or means of being saved or protected from harm, risk, etc.
Why is always easier to be someone else’s salvation?
Why is it always easier (or is for me, how about you?) to be stronger for other people?
today is my birthday i’m 19 years old ; i don’t have friends just on fb
i’m always thinking of killing my self , i tried a lot i hung my self , i cut my arm there was lot of blood in my clouthes ,my face was coverd by tears i was waiting the moment to die but i didn’t 🙁 i still alive
this is so bad
i wanna die i hate my self ,,,, i’m not sleeping , i don’t eat any thing and i don’t talk a lot ,,,,
i’m upset because i feel weak i can’t even kill my self :'(
I can’t do this.. Whenever i find reason to be a little bit happy, someone destroy it.. They say something or do something that makes me feel not good enough.. I am not super model and i have normal body but my mother always tells me that I am fat and that i need to think what I eat.. But she is the one who buys me sweets and bad food but when i say that to her she just ignore me..Some guy at school tell me I am fat every day but i think I can ignore him because I don’t like him..And then […]
its been a few months since iv been on! but is it wrong for one person love 2 ppl at the same time?
iv been in love with my ex for almost a year now. but iv cut all connections with him. cuz he leads me on and ditches me all the time
but there is something i get over him.
and the guy I’m with currently treats me like a queen.
but my ex has saved my life from my trying to kill myself but then he always makes me want to do it.
almost a year ago i got raped
so many ppl […]
It was the supreme power, matrix or whatever it is called wanted me to suffer. That’s why all those escape routes I could have were brutally eliminated. I am made to loose and suffer. Family is one big cause of this mess but there were other reasons too. No matter how much I try, the supreme power will always derail it. May my life end quickly. Hopefully today. On this auspicious occasion of Ganesh Puja, a religious Hindu festival I want to finish this mess called life.
You think I’m fat? Cool. You think I’m a loner ? Fine by me, love the comment. You think I’m ugly? What wait….sorry I was looking for a fuck to give.
It amazes me that people could be so cruel and uncaring towards another person. They whisper and point, my mother always told me pointing was rude as was bullying. It hurts honestly to hear what I already know. I guess the words coming from someone else’s mouth hurts a lot worse. I look in an reflective surface and immediately I feel self conscious.
I hide it. Laugh it off and joke around. It’s not that hard, […]
Out of all my friends I am one of the most suicidal unfortunately.
When I admitted to The clinic, my closest friend had already been in here for a month prior due to an Eating Disorder.
When I’d get severely down she’d always say “we can do it together” I always said “no. I refuse to drag you down with me” and I meant it. Jess doesn’t actually want to die, she has an ED that wrecks her life but I can see hope for her. She’d been well once, she can be well again.
And then I met Britt. Both these girls were so much […]
Yeah, that’s right. You heard me. You’re beautiful. No matter what you think, you are. If no one has told you that today, then I will. Because you are. Sometimes it just takes the help of someone else to see that.
Today I was feeling pretty down this morning. It took the help of a friend to pick me up again. I suffer from depression and earlier this spring, I suffered my worst episode yet that ended with me calling the Suicide Hotline at twelve in the morning. Needless to say, I found out that there weren’t any actually resources to help me in my local […]
I know what I want to do. I’ve always known it. Yet somehow it never gets done. I asked my therapist to just think of me finally getting everything he ever thought I would enjoy. People don’t think that way; especially not therapists. I am ashamed of my feelings. I think of all of the people who will die today; many of whom have very real reasons for wanting to live. I just think why can’t it be me? If X number of ppl need to die today why can’t one of them be me. A person who doesn’t want to live anymore. Do any […]
To begin i must be honest and say i had no intention of sharing this with someone else but it keeps eating me inside.I was always a shy kid and i didn’t have many friends.I am always getting bullied at school i even tried talking to someone about this but nothing changes the other kids that bully me got angrier.It was the day that they locked me our school’s closet bleeding with a broken nose that i realise that i must have done something wrong.I keep trying to fight this but the sadness and the frustration of nobody loving you and nobody hearing no matter […]
As I write this, I’m sitting in bed with a loaded 9mm and capt Morgan white rum.
For the life of me I don’t get why I can’t do it, all my life all I’ve whined about and cursed god to do was take my life, yet presented with the opportunity I can’t do it… This is NOT a plead for help nor is it having second thoughts, my life has been shitty since birth! The usual… Father issues, my whole family gives me the cold shoulder.hell, one of my aunts thought it would be a good idea to tell me how my mother was […]
Stressing and worrying
Clammy hands and darting eyes
The world all around
She began to despise
The simplest tasks were scary
The people surrounding
Still hurt her profoundly
As the words from there lips
Not a single one missed
*****, slut and whore
Scars she had to bear
On show for the world
Gone but always their
Not a single person helped her
They all saw her drowning
Still going about there day
Noticing and still frowning
She knew nobody cared
But the image still hurt
As family and friends
Stood around and all glared
Drowning more each day
In the tears she had cried
The girl that once was pure
Nearly […]
Somehow i always end up back here… back to my blog thats held my darkest secrets. I guess i find some comfort in that sp will always be here to listen. ive turned to tumblr recently which ive been venting on… but on here its different. every time i come on i feel like ive lost a battle; except this time i can truthfully say i dont want to die; i have so much more living to do… but i am so sad. i’m lonely and i hate feeling this way. I feel anxious all the time, i feel helpless, alone and i hate living […]