it wont get better. my life is ruined and over. i will always be sick. i might exit today. if i work up the nerve. i just miht. no bs.
Tag:
always
You know that feeling in life when you’ve got to do something, but you don’t want to. You can’t get another person to swap places with you. No trades, exchanges, deals.
My deal is that I have to go see a doctor later this month and I already know I’ll have to undergo an operation. Can’t really get anyone to step into my shoes and take a vacation instead. Yeah, because it’s my body and my problem. Then I began to think what if I did not exist, then there would be no operation either. I’m not fond of doctors, operations, hospitals at all, so of […]
Im so a fuck up in life it always seems that I can’t do anything right i will try to buy thing to fulfill the empty void that i feel or reduce the feeling by putting myself into situation or doing things that i feel will help with the pain but i always come back and i sit here and think why don’t i just end it I could there notting to hold me back anymore nobody would really care you would move on it seems like everyday that past my life falls apart piece by piece I’m spiraling out of control yet nobody can […]
im getting on a train today
the bells are ringing, the choir sings
i cant hear through the deafing noise
im no longer a child, i dont need these toys
they say to leave the past behind
the bells are ringing i step in time
whos in the lead? are we running circles
isnt that how it always feels
leave your troubles, the scar it heals
im departing on a train today
i dont know where im going but i cant stay
the doors they close
suffocation, is it a trap?
i leave everything ive ever know
but ive always roam, just me alone
what is it im leaving behind?
better yet what will come in time?
im leaving on a train […]
I was always told by everyone that I was weird, crazy, and ugly. I never thought that I was worth anything. When I was younger my dad pushed me to be the best and say what I have to say and not keep things bottled up inside. So I’m going to say something not one of my friends knows. I was molested as a young girl. Now every time my boyfriend kisses me I cringe. That was why when my boyfriend first ask me if we could go further than just 2nd base I just left. Then he ask again I talked to my dad […]
I was born to parents with a failing marriage. My father is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, now in recovery. My father cheated on my mom which eventually led to divorce. I still don’t know the real reason behind what happened. My father was barely honorably discharged from the military. Since I started school I would take in everything and not do any work and not turn anything in. Before you ask, no I do not have ADHD or any clinical diagnosis besides chronic depression. I am an avid musician, I’ve traveled Europe with a music group..I still want to end this life though. I’ve […]
Being 17 is such a crap age, so full of anger and hate towards everyone. People always ask me why i’m so angry, i can never explain why because i don’t know where all my anger came from. I blame my parents!
I’m have no idea what i want to say here, all i know is that i wanna write stuff down because i’m sick of making the most important person in my life feel like he has to help me deal with my past and problems, it’s not fair on him!
Anyway, I think i’m just going to list a bunch of things from my past […]
hi i guess , im new here , i guess im will tell you my story , sorry if this gets boring. im here because i needed something to let out everything thats bottled up in side of me . i dont have a sad story and people may think that why do i do this because i havent gone through enough , i havent been bullied or abused or any strong like that. ive been self harming for about 1 and a half years , the reason is because im in love , i cant have him , he is my best friend , […]
I went down to my grandparents house. They were nothing but loving and generous. My grandpa gave me a 2012 GMC canyon….I love him so much. I’m always doing something there. going to church. working the food pantry. I even spent the night at the church with a homeless family project. We go to lions club meetings. We always have breakfast lunch and dinner. it is absolute paradise. Today was my first day home. I’ve already contemplated self harm multiple times. No body missed me…they made sure I knew it. The dining room looks like shit (I cleaned it before I left and its been […]
I can see it in the dull yellow streetlights glaring off the sidewalk at night, and I can smell it in the exhaust fumes from passing cars
I can see it in my parents’ creased faces, and I can see it behind my friends’ glassy eyes
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
I’ll run from it until I’ve taken another hit, until I’ve taken another shot, until I can’t be any more numb than I already am
But it’s always lurking right around the corner
Despair
Desperation
Abandonment
Loss of hope.
I hate my life right now and the fact that my mother is always on my back isn’t helping me. ”get a job” ”pick your ass up and go outside” ”you lazy ass” ”what are you afraid of, people??” ”why’d you quit college in the first place for ?? ” ”it isn’t that hard” ”quit the drama”
Well you know what ?? FUCK. YOU. you selfish, ignorant, mean *****. she has been depressed, she should know better than to treat me like that. I am so anxious about turning 18 next month, and her comments aren’t making things easier for me. I KNOW i need a […]
There’s no easier way to sum it up than just simply: I hate who I am and what I’ve made of my life.
At 24 I am a nothing. I didn’t used to be this way.
A [usually in denial] alcoholic, I’ve become alienated from many close friends who I just feel ashamed to be around. I do nothing but ruin nights out and become a burden on everyone. I’ve tried so hard to stop, but it always comes undone. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times, you’d think I’d learn by now, but it still feels like every time will turn out differently and I’ll be better.
An […]
I’ve thought it about for a long time and I’ve decided that I do want to end it. The problem is finding a method that is feasible for me and also reliable. I don’t have access to massive amounts of sleeping pills (and that doesn’t seem to work either). A helium bag seems like the next option but I don’t know where to purchase the materials. Hanging is impossible in the dorm I’m in. The only sure way is by shooting myself but I can’t find a place to purchase a gun. I read a post by another college student on here who said he […]
Hi guys. So, uhm, I’ve been very distraught lately. For the last 6 years I’ve had depression but it really started hitting me last year. Around April, my family turned their back on me. I live with my cousin, sister and grandmother. My cousin wanted to move out and she needed an excuse, so she said I abused her. I had to be forced to move away multiple times from April-September during that time. Also a lot of my closest friends have turned their backs too. I went to a lot of them for help and they all rejected me and this year i made […]
I posted not more then a day ago and didn’t really feel like I explained myself properly. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for years now. I have the tendency to care more for other then I do myself. I remember things I shouldn’t remember.
It hurts sometimes because I feel like the choices I made in my past drive me to wanting to commit suicide. I’ve cut my wrist multiple times and sometimes I can’t even cut deep enough because I get scared. I have no job, no real friends, and I barely speak to my family. I live with my […]
So, my mother posted an image on my facebook wall that went along the lines of, “We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man that controls you, and a man that looks out for her best interests, etc. etc.” It went on for several lines of teaching daughters the difference between this and that. Aside from the multitude of social issues the image presents, my response to the image was, “How about I just focus on my career and not put my self-worth into another human being. How about I measure my life and worth in accomplishments? Problem solved.”
She retorted with how […]
It’s never ending. Every time I recover I get hit with another blow. I’ve made it through trial after trial, never knowing how I ended up on the other side alive. I’m not going to tell my life’s story in my first post on this site, but I will give some insight. I’ve lived the majority of my life alone. What time I was around people; “family”, shelters, fosters, etc.; I always felt different, unwelcome, crazy. I’ve contemplated my death since the beginning of my memories, in a way it fascinates me. I’ve just never had the balls to actually go through with it, I […]
Why is everyone so obsessed with this world? As in this existence with earth and the solar system and our god?
Part of the reason I’ve felt alone for so long is because I never really felt like I was in the right place. I’ve always had a feeling like im not suppose to be in this world.I just never really belonged. im positive there are other worlds out there worlds with diferent planets and creatures and different gods.wanna know what my deathwish is?. When I die I would like for my soul to be taken to a completely different world…a different existence.I guess I […]
I’m 23 years old. Female. Hispanic. I’ve always had suicidal thoughts for as long as I could remember. I know it first started when I was 12. Broke a pocket mirror in my mom’s car and tried to cut myself with the broken pieces. I remember taking a sewing class in school and I would pierce the needle in a pinch of the skin on my left forearm. After a while it didn’t hurt anymore. Being a teenage girl I understand my reasons for not feeling a ton of pain with my self inflicting pain. I was a constant victim of bullying throughout my entire […]
Its like a cancer of the soul. Many years of pain and suffering, and the only thing that makes it better is bad things. I dont wanna live. I dont always wanna die. Im like in a limbo or something.