Anyone want to chat? Yknow, about death and stuff? Anyone at all? I really am losing my grip on reality.
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there are times when i really want to dance the line of life and death, and others where i am glad to be alive. lately though it seems to be the latter of the two. Â there have been times when i have tried to slice my wrists, i have tried to take pills. my question is this: is there a reason i am still here?
My name’s DeathsAngel like the book I have arthritis, fibromialgia, CRPS, gird, aspergers, am bipolar, have manic depression, here voices, see a shadow, was abused as a child and am severely bullied. I have wanted to kill myself for three years. Last year I told my mom and she sent my to the hospital ever since then I have constant med switches but nothing is helping. I’m under eighteen so I have no say in my meds. I’m severally obese or at least medically obese, and ugly don’t even try to fight me on it. I have no self esteem. Make-up does nothing to improve […]
seriously this life is killing me ,
so hurt that i cant sleep…
they took everything
Slow down, i can’t keep up
while your waiting here
for me
saveme,save me
i can see you,
u think your gone
but your visible and so dark
Some one will Find me
Im waiting my hand are numb it raining, am i done?
Impatient ,can i go now ?
lett me leave
in love with life thats beyond me
i fought with myself for all of 2 seconds before posting this.
I feel morally corrupt for even doing this but here goes. I found a new site called Lost All Hope. its lostallhope.com.
its supposed to have methods, stats, links and all that good stuff.
I felt like if i posted that here, I’d be giving people the fuel they need to do what they want to do and that it would be all my fault. But i also know how desperate I get when I get in those moods and how I wish someone could point me in that direction. I may or may […]
ill never be good enough, ill always just be a stupid crazy whale. like yesterday when i was walking down the street and someone yelled out “whale”! and i couldnt stop crying. my boyfriend treats me like shit , but thats probably because i am a piece of shit. im crazy. and i cant live with myself anymore. i dont know how to live anymore. i cant wait til i get the balls to just down all my meds at once.
feeling really sad and weepy today. why exactly i don’t know. went to see the shrink today. it is time to change meds again. going to try ( if insurance co lets me) viibrid. read some reviews about it. like everything else it is a savior for some and horrible for others. they all mentioned weight gain as a side effect. great. already feeling and looking bovinian as it is. having lots of trouble with my sense of taste. lots of things don’t taste good anymore, or after a few bites there is no taste at all. perhaps it is time to go back to […]
I must do it now. Now is the perfect time to do it. Now is probably the only chance i’ll ever get. my graduation completed last week. my sister’s marriage is also done. I am free right now. absolutely free. if i stick another month or so i’ll be expected to start finding a job. and i know i can’t do it at the time when i am expected to do some worldly thing. right now i am free. i must do it now. if i miss this opportunity i know i will regret that my whole life. my whole life will be ruined. i […]
Sad, lonely and depressed. This is how I feel as I look at myself in the mirror, The names they called me still burned my memories, and filled my eyes with tears. The snickering behind my back, the laughing at me, the pushing in the halls and the notes filled with what they think is wrong with me. They tortured me for no other reason other then they felt like it, and they could. It didn’t just stop at school. Nope, thanks to computer, they can follow me everywhere. And when i pretended that it all was okay, i made it much much worse then […]
hitting out of a leaf spiff.
the music cycles through the zodiac.
it seems at the end, we have lost.
only me. staring at the cat.
the bunny bit me, and I bled.
the purple sky turns the water red.
devil shines through the mind.
what is your color of black.
on to the next tract. what will be.
in the hands of faith.
the moon and the night.
in darkness. the story of the lost knight.
death. a horsemen.
seems like we hold a chain, all of us.
exiled from the mystical realm.
i am losing.
As a mmo gamer I find myself tragically stuck in the role of tank. I can’t help but feel life beats on me a little more than others. It is selfish to think that way, because everyone is fighting their own battles, playing their own parts, but sadly I think I am just to perfectly fitted to this part. My nature is to protect, to take the first hit, the last, and each one in between. I feel like I care far too much to fit in properly in this day and age. The only thing I want is to help people smile, and to […]
The daisy days go buy, i sit dazed and confused ,laying one with the being beneath me. he hugs me she trust me ,she know i am loyal to her trees, magnificent beings. closing my eyes,I wonder upon the mountain side, so small infinite to the world outside. I love it all, the one thing i could possibly love is her,the song birds sing ,i sigh the wind fills my lungs to saves my cries. Brush the hair of a girl who is so confined, so small to both her and time, I try to just be, love everything she made; including me, be open […]
i am so tired of having to fake a smile so that other people can accept me, i am so tired of having to pretend that i am tired instead of telling people the truth that i cant handle my life. i am “happier when am sleeping than when i am awake. my dreams keep me going knowing that one day i will jump off from that building. i am tired of getting rejected because i love too easily, now i am afraid to say i love in fear that i will lose someone, i only have one close friend and now like always i […]
Being at home became far too painful. It’s an excruciating thing to watch the home life the brought you up for sixteen years, that was your safe place – rot away in front of your very own eyes. And I did what I’m best at – I pushed it away. I didn’t let it defeat me, I refused to let it drag me down.
I would wake at 5 AM just to get some peace from the chaos. I would leave my house for school at 5:30 AM and would walk – along the edge of the cliffs, along the beach for hours on the […]
Would you rather have a second chance in life like reincarnation after death or is the idea of there being nothing else after death more preferable? I personally am living a life of regrets so getting an opportunity to start again in another life is a comforting thought in some ways, like a clean slate. On the other hand however, there’s no way of knowing what circumstances you’ll be born into, it might be worse than the first life.
people say that writing about how upset i am would help. but it doesn’t help because my dad finds my journal and reads them. i haven’t written down my feelings in over 3 years. i want to write my feelings down. i want help. but my dad just tells me to suck it up. that i’m not really depressed. people say to ask for help. but whats the point of asking for help if nobody listens no matter how loud you are? i have attempted suicide twice. i had to go to the hospital one time. my parents were crying like they actually cared and […]
I have had more and less, yet I have always been a miserable person. My brain is not right. I am not capable of sustaining relationships with sabotage or to truly “connect”. There are a few things I would postpone my death for but once I got to experience them I would not consider it worth living for. I date someone who has no respect for me, I am an option to them and worth keeping around albeit at arms length. I am embarrassed I allow this and often times pursue it. If it weren’t for him though I would not have any social […]
Hello everyone I know you are all battling your own wars..here nobody aint got time for me to listen to me or counsel me for my suicidal thoughts are just increasing manifolds……i seriously aint in the humour to write I am 18,India and right now I’m high and i got the rope ready I just wanted everyone to know that yes i was defeated everywhere its not because of u krati u were my first love and i want to die with her being my last its all coz of me myself i cant survive i aint strong enough i am not the one maybe […]
i am not going to argue with anyone but all i am saying is. its kinda hard to be suicidal when you ve got life from the fist class
i know i ve vowed never to come back here but here i am. i feel so empty. i just dont have anything to live for and i ve got great expectations. but this feelings is rendering me useless. cus anytime i actually impress myself with something, its always not good enough for them. they feel i could do better so they conden my every efforts. but how am i going to do better when i always feeling useless.