since i was here last, things have been getting steadily worse and worse in my mind. i’m lonely as ever, but can’t go outside or talk to people because of my social phobia. i still live in my little shoebox of a room, where i’m on the internet all day, every day, because if i don’t have that connection i’ll be completely alone. all i want right now is love, something i’ve never had. i want a boyfriend. but i’ll never be loved because i do not look like a model, and it sucks knowing this. it hurts to not be touched or anything, it […]
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My hands are trembling. I really want to, but it is wrong. I should’nt feel like this. It is wrong. Which sane person gets pleasure from pain. Self inflicted pain. But it sets me free. It sets my soul free atleast for a while. And the scars lighten and disappear eventually. It’s not like i am murdering someone or even commiting suicide. It helps me put things in perspective. My mind isn’t clouded anymore. I forget my sorrow and pain. The emotional pain. It disappears. The sting takes over all that I am feeling. I can cope with it. Yes. I know I want to. […]
i could die right now and nothing would change. the world would still progress. i am one out of over seven billion people on this earth and nothing i do is actually important.
so whats to stop me from perishing?
im just gonna say ahead of time, pardon my language. i want to talk to him
written by infinitely.spinning
kay. so. ugggggggh. it’s just, some days are worse than others, you know? some days, im thinking, “i hate him so much, he’s a lying piece of shit, idgaf about him anymore”. and right when i think im over him, the next fucking day here i am in tears, once again, thinking “where did i go wrong, why can’t i stop loving him, why does he hate me, why did he call me a slut, did he ever fucking care at all?”. and its SOOO stupid. im 14. im in love. even worse, im in love with a guy ONLINE. people keep telling me “you […]
Now what am i to do? Ive had depression and suffered for so long. i’m nearly 50 and w/o all hope. what am i to do? the best i can do is sleep as much as i can to just isolate b/c when i am around others i am always getting hurt. its a pathetic merry-go-round that i can get off of. i can even explain how i fee; and i certainly dont know what to do. sorry i have to exist. just sorry.
i was so depressed and stressed that i made myself sick. i was in and out of the doctor for 4 years. i was throwing up almost everyday for 4 years. i had an ulcer. i had headaches all day and night. i was so depressed that i became sick. it is a sickness but i did not realize my depression was the reason for my illnesses. i thought i was dying, i thought something was really wrong with me when in reality it was just my mind. it was me making myself sick and in a way i new it. i figured if i […]
One day one day not feeling alone one day smiling and thinking it’ll be alright one day is all I got ik it won’t ever really be though always alone anyone else lonely feel free to message me I care and am easy to talk to usually kik is itsjustianmooneok email is shiftydaytoday@gmail.com
Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
Am i worth it???
Am i worth this pathetic life?
People see me laughing and smiling but inside i’m dying. How can my life be so complicated??How do i go on?? Do i even try?? I just honestly am struggling with the pain i feel inside.
I’m so vain, envious and insecure. I want to be desired but am the furthest thing from that. What I wouldn’t trade to be handsome, smart, charming, well endowed. Instead I’m a sniveling, venal ghoul lurching around awkwardly in despair. I know my ugliness is truly from my self-hatred and envy but that’s what I am, it’s not changing, I’m ugly inside out.
im really hurting today. i know my health issue doesnt have to be permanent, and that when i save up money, or get the right doctor, i can be fixed. except im poor and live in a small city. i am very educated, but work in a poor job. im 30. im tired.
if there is someone out there as “messed up as i am that would love me as i am?” Sometimes, i wonder this, but i highly doubt it…b/c even the “sad, lonely people….want hot, cute, wonderful people. And, i am none of these. So, i want to die…I’ve tons of other issues too! 🙁
What the fuck…why do i even try. Like deadass i am tired of silent tears finding there way down my face. Omg why or rather what am i doing wrong. I say i don’t need you but i am lying. I do need you. Please help me. Please….
That moment you realize they were right. You are nothing….never will be. What am doing wrong that people see right through me. Wish bad things on me. Is it cause i am not pretty enough…or because i just not what you want. That moment everything clicks. That moment when getting on your knee’s praying to god begging him to end it become a norm. People just don’t realize how easily easily easily easily there words can influence someone decision. Like i wish that i wasn’t afraid to just do it. I know that as the time pass on me being afraid will soon fade. I […]
Is it wrong that every night my tears stain my pillowcase. No one notices i often slip back into the mindset where i just see no point. Everyday i pray to God to give me the courag e to end it. Why am i not good enough??? Why???? I just want it to be over not tommorow, not the next day, but today. I hate myself. I hate my life. No one cares about me. No one loves me. I am giving up. What do i do????? They can’t tell that my will to live has disappeared. They can’t tell that my leg shakes because […]
You know, i have history of anxiety and depression. The first attack of depression came when i was in my under grad school. It was all boys. Some of the boys were kind to me but majority of them were bullies. I had a huge body structure so not much people tried to pick fight with me but some of them did and when they found out that instead of fighting them back, I instead tried to run away; they found a sport in bullying me.
One day, i was going back home on foot, i saw a tree which was naturally cut towards inside from […]
When it comes to cutting, since ive seen a lot of posts about it lately. Assuming not cutting in anyway that would require medical attention (basically a suicide attempt) is it really all that bad? I myself use it as a coping method, i know its not entirely preferable and i try not to if i can avoid it but i feel like its really no different than lighting up a cigarette. Or any other destresser bad habit.
Though i am curious about those who use it as a way to grab attention. I kinda dont get it unless its a silent cry for help kinda […]
so my daughter also has depression, maybe other things, but she is only 13 and really just started her journey. i feel like i have no room to breathe. no room for me. i know it sounds selfish, but i have struggled since 8 or 9 as she has.i have threats and attempts of suicide in my life. she posts all this stuff on facebook, everybody calls me. what am i doing?…do more…do this…what about this. i have had to put all my treatment for my depression and fibromyalgia and neuropathy on hold because i am disabled and don’t work. all gas in car, […]
I’m tired of anxiety constantly running my life. Bought concert tickets for tonight but am having a nervous break down and don’t beleive I’ll be going anymore. I’m to scared. I hate this I just wish I could enjoy myself for once.
I want to swallow all my pills. I am unsure about wanting to die. But this exsistence seems meaningless. And lonely. I want all the things im supposed to hate. Alcohol. Cigarettes. My bulimia. Sex eith strangers. I want all of it to help ease my sadness, my lonely, my anxiety and insecurity. I feel so desperate and lonely. Why am i all alone.