I’ve put off writing this, because I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I need to say.. I know that I have many thoughts that aren’t coming out right in my head and I can’t share them outloud because they only nod their heads in response. I knew a guy who committed suicide. I think about him everyday. Wonder if he knew me too. I cry when I think about people growing old. About my family members growing old while I’m away and then when I snap back to reality in 10years… they’ll be dead or no longer who I grew up […]
Tag:
Anger
So i am back guys
it has bee a year since i had last been on
here saying i was quiting cutting & pills…
that wish is long fucking gone. My cuts are worse than ever
i almost died & had to go to the hospital for a week cause of pills.
I have to say job well done to life ; you really made me live in
fucking Hell…..
//
Well let me begin from the beginning…I was born in Ukraine and moved here when i was four with my parents and my brother, i learned English and life was great even though we were poor. Then we moved to a little town with a little school and life gradually started getting worse by the day, we had financial problems and my mom went to school when I was in the 9th grade, so she was always stressed and she would put all her anger on my brother and I, but especially on me. I’ve always been on the heavy side, and always have been made fun of […]
I don’t feel like committing suicide. I’m a Born again Christian. But I am feeling overwhelmed. And I have a lot of anger in me for some reason. I pray I don’t hinder anyone by what I am about to write.
People say to reach out when you are feeling down, but most people are to busy or don’t understand I think.
People may think that pointing the finger, and telling you what you are doing wrong is helpful, in this state of mind it’s not. A hug or a high five on what your doing right is helpful.
Anti depressants or the magic pill as i call […]
Like I said, I am not looking for anybody’s opinion on myself, or any of my decisions. Nobody hates me more than me, so it would be a ridiculous waste of time. I have completely lost the will to live. And I mean that in the most serious way possible. Not because something bad just happened in my life. I just flat out do not want to be alive anymore. I don’t see a real reason to be, either. I am the literal definition of “useless”. I am a complete waste of space. I am probably denying somebody who deserves life precious air, and food. […]
Life to me is just unhappiness i dont like being here really… Nobody has done anything to make me feel this way i just dont see the point in a meaningless unhappy life full of anger and depression… Im 14 and most people just say to me that i will be fine its just school and its stressful but school isnt a problem at all. I have friends and family that care about me but i never seek help from them because i dont like contact with other people, i like being alone by myself so i lock myself away.
I constantly question myself about my […]
I have suddenly become so incredibly numb and exhausted. I want to scream and cry, but I just can’t. I just want to feel something real, I’m so tired of apathy and exhaustion.
In an attempt to feel something, I just started attacking my thigh with a small blade. I find it quite beautiful, the way to begin with there’s just a dent in the skin, but then it gradually rises before drops of blood begin to surface. My thigh is now covered in short cuts and I like the messy zigzagging. It’s the only way I can think to represent how I feel. I […]
Emotions swirling
Happiness, anger, sadness
Which do i feel?
I feel fake
Unloved, unwanted
I am weak
Just a side character
I seek to be noticed
and held
But no one can see me
Amd i transparent? Invisible?
Doesn`t anybody care?
I cry silent tears
and everything i say falls on deaf ears
I am a souless doll
I have no free will
A doll`s emotions are painted on
Artificial
No one knows what the doll wanted
For the doll doesn`t speak for itself
I have to be a Fake person
to be seen
I have to be perfect
not me
I have to live up to
Expectations
not my limits
Everyday my will and emotions leak
From a cut in my being
A cut so deep that not even stitches
Could keep infection out
I […]
I said things where better and I thought they where. I was wrong though. just hours after my last post all hell broke loose. My dad went crazy he got mad at me and he threw me on my bed and was shaking me and hitting me and I screamed that I hated him. he grabbed me and dragged me head first off my bed and slammed me to the floor. He saw my mom at the store and he told me that she didn’t want me. Nobody wants me anymore… My family has abandoned me…and I don’t know what to do.
The only reason I am awake […]
I’m not sure when or how it started. Just the feeling of cracking. Like when your windshield gets hit and cracks start to spider web out further. Another thing hits and the web cracks further. And then another and another until it just breaks completely. I thought about that windshield and how it must hurt, to have those cracks, to be hit so hard like that.
Now I realize that I am that windshield.
My mother cheated on my dad and left him for my (now) step-dad when I was 6. The divorce, which was messy and grisly, was finalized a year later. I had to watch […]
I finally wrote my suicide letter. It doesn’t say much. I don’t have that much to say, and even if I did no one would care. People don’t see me, people don’t know me. I don’t care anymore, I mostly feel sadness.
Just hoping for a miracle that would stop me from feeling like this.
So..I hate my life to say the least, i’m a 14 year old girl and I know i’m too young to be feeling like this but its the truth. I really just don’t know if I can do this anymore. It feels weird the fact that I have to turn to a website but I just need to let it all out to someone who won’t tell me to ‘ get over it ‘ or that i’m just being ‘ stupid ‘. I used to be so happy, like always laughing, smiling and didn’t have a care in the world. It all started to change. […]
I know I’m only 19 and I have a lot of growing up to do, but I feel as if there’s no future for me to look forward to. I had a very hard life growing up, I had to deal with both physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my mother. I never received hugs, kisses or I love you’s from my mother. She rather beat the shit out of me everyday call me names like stupid, heffer, ungrateful and dumbass. My bi-o dad is not in my life.i haven’t seen the man I should call daddy since I was 2. He and […]
Alone In This Cruel World That So Many People Call Home While My Thoughts Brutally Attack Themselves
by Miss.Mayhem
written by Miss.Mayhem
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
My mind has a never ending cry for help. I suffer in silence and when I speak people think its just a phase. I hope they’re right, I hope I’m wrong. I always say there’s always a limit for everything, it’s come to the point where the most important people in my life have turned their back on me. It feels nasty, I have disgust in my heart and tears want to flow through my eyes, I want to scream through the walls, yet I keep myself from doing this, I don’t want people seeing my pain, my suffering. So I keep that anger, that […]
well im new at this i was a big big cutter and basically threw my life away. Till i met my fiance and he changed everything!!!! i REALLY smiled not fake and laughed a real laugh he completely changed me. And i love him hes the only reason why im still alive. but now hes in court and might go to jail and im thinking bout starting again i signed up thinking maybe this will help…. maybe theres others like me who dnt want to die but just want to live, get anger out, and dnt use the anger against others. maybe im just crazy
Someone I’ve loved since the moment I’ve ever talked to them is slipping away. The sad part is I’m letting him. I can’t do anything about him not loving me anymore. I’ve fought for him for 9 months, if not more. I’m done. I can’t keep waiting on him to realize if I’m what he wants or not. I haven’t talked to him since Thursday. He says he cares and would do anything for me but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if it was love or lust. Maybe neither Maybe all of it was just a big joke, but I just can’t take it anymore. The […]
I don’t want to see anyone go through the hell i had to. I want to help.
by Daydreamer
written by Daydreamer
I am an 18 year old boy graduated from high school not too long ago. My first suicide attempt was after the first semester of Sophomore year. Drank half a bottle of rat poison because i was too chicken to hang myself. I never felt so alone as i did then. I was a ghost, my friends would talk to me but they didn’t care about me. They tried, but they never got me. The people who i loved the most my friends my family, it felt like i was nothing to them. Wen’t walking around everywhere with a hole in my heart wanting something […]
I just can’t take my family anymore… I am tired of being treated like shit and everything else. It feels like I don’t belong anymore. Most people don’t understand what I am going through and say that I’m complaining. If you lived my life, you would sound like me, too. My sister is 14 and beats on me whenever I don’t do what she says when I am the older sister and says shit to me that she knows will hurt me. I may be older, but I have really bad depression, so I really can’t help it. I wish that I could. And then […]