i cut. not too much. i wasnt gonna do as much as i did. but its not too much i dont think. it doesnt seem so bad to me really. well ill just post a few pctures of it. so yeah thats it. i find them to be beautiful. please dont judge me.
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]
I don’t really feel my emotions any more. I know that they’re there, but my mind just doesn’t seem to process them the way that it should. For example, when I watch the news, and there’s a story about somebody that was murdered, I realise that I should feel something. I should feel anger toward the person that commited the murder. I should feel pity for the victim and his/her loved ones. But I don’t feel anything. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if I’m hanging out with friends, if something happens that makes everyone laugh, I am always the last to join in, […]
I can say what’s gone wrong in my life. But feeling depressed has been normal since I was very young. I can’t really remember what started everything but I remember being bullied from age five up until I was sixteen. Sounds pretty sad, not one year of school where I wasn’t bullied and alienated. My parents when I was young, was well great. It’s just my Dad’s temper got worse when my half-sister became a druggie. Heroin, Coke, you name it, the police found it. She would steal from my parents and wouldn’t know me. Got pregnant a few times by druggies and drug dealers. […]
so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
ppl its been so long since iv actually written something.
nothing has really changed in my life except dat it gets worse and i keep on sinking deeper and deeper into this dark hole, im so tired of all these emotions. Iv been going to church alot lately but when i get home i go back to the same old darkness and neverending pain. i cant stand this pain no more. i have nothing left to lose and its not like anyone really cares or truly loves me and it will be best if i just left dis world.
i thought it will get better with time […]
are we half alive when we dream? or do we dream because we are half alive? would life be better if we were in a dream? if we continue as we are when we die.. how do we know some of us arnt already dead? what do we live for? if we have pain and hate and love and death… how can we be happy? tragic things … what makes life all worth it.. if nothing was worth it.. wede all be gone… so obviasly … there is always sompthing worth living for… what if we never felt pain.. even though … life has torn […]
i am a simple teenager suffering from epolepsy with weed smoking parents and being bullied 24/7 at school i am on psn (ALPHA_96_2K11 if u want to add me ) and i hav a wonderful gf but she has serious anger problems and she mostly takes the anger out on me so and at school i hav no time to concentrate and my xmas exams were sh*t and with the juniour cert coming up i just dont see no point no more so at the end of it i hav made 2 choices for myself either kill 1 of my bullies ,get sent to jail […]
My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.
Happier Times
December 16, 2008 […]
At this moment I don’t know what I feel. It’s like my chest is being squeezed. I’m finding it hard to breathe. I can’t find the words to express how I feel, neither do I know how to write about them. My mind is empty, it feels like i can’t think anymore and the only thing I feel anymore is sadness, anger, or hate towards myself.
I never cry in front of people and today I cried in school. In front of a bunch of judgamental hypcrites. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, my desire to die is uncontrollable , it emerges at anytime. I […]
Words of wisdom.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Na9-jV_OJI
Well I got expelled this school year. I been getting and trouble this school year ! I only got suspended 6 times this school year. I Got put out after the six time because I was about to fight this boy. He push my cousin and he was talking bad to me so I snaped and went off. Well the principle decide to expelled me. So when he expelled me I went crazy by punching the wall , crying , screaming , I the hit principle , threw my school I.D at my the principle too , Broke the shelf , threw a pencil at […]
It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..
Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…
Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
Ya know, I have had many, many, many, suicides this past month or so. Three. They all never showed any signs or anything and of course with the subject coming up everywhere i look now that this has happened it has reopened my deep feelings of wanting to do it however i stuck in there because it was the holidays.
Today i found out my parents are getting divorced. out of the whole year it had to be this month with all my friends’ suicides. like seriously. this is tearing me apart but i put on a brave face and listen to both of them […]
1. What is your job?
or what do you study?
2. Do you like it? or hate it? or fucking hate it, but have little to no choice?
3. And is you’re feeling suicidal also related with your job/working life?
perhaps feeling meaningless, and hate life?
4. Last but not least, why don’t you pursue your dreams, or your dream-job, or what makes you happy?
What makes you hesitate?
thanks.
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]
Forgive yourself & other humans,..because this *earthly* life is not perfect…and we’re all only humans…we made mistakes.
and besides, we all live only ONCE in this earthly life, so that’s why many people made mistakes in their life, because you can’t simply turn back time and repeat life..
So forgive yourself (& others), free yourself from all the restricting guilts,
keep learning,
and keep doing the Best & worthwhile while you’re still given a chance to exist and alive here in this physical world…
Lately I have been very frustedated at everything. Like every little noise or unneccissary movement ticks me off. And I feel like I wanna punch them in the face to make them stop. I’m being a ***** to a lot of people. I’m not trying to on purpose but that’s just the way it comes out I can’t help it. I really do not get why I’m like thIs. Ill fo throught periods of time when I’m fine and then times where I’m supEr frusterated at everything around me. Maybe I’m bipolar???? That would be weird. I don’t know what to really do right now […]
The chances I have a mental breakdown, or at least say something regretable, in my class tomorrow (I call it Bullshit 101) is way too high.
There is only so much bullshit and stupidity I can deal with. Â I don’t have a very high tolerance normally, but this is ridiculous. Â I feel like I might explode. Â I am so tired of hearing people whine about things they know nothing about, or assume that my opinion or the source of my facts is wrong simply because it doesn’t coincide with theirs. Â “Oh, that’s not what I heard.”
I’m actually crying. Â A rare occurrence for me.
I have an incredible […]