im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things Â are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but after that i just didnt feel the need to cut. im not gonna lie, i have thought about cutting many many times. but i just dont. and i guess that is a good thing. i like to cut, even though i know its bad. i do a lot of bad things to myself. i guess im self-destructing. i dont eat enough at all. i go days without eating, and when i do eat its only once a day. but i just dont have an appetite anymore. i cant help it if i dont feel hungry. i dont think its an eating disorder because im not trying not to eat on purpose. i just cant. people around me have told me i look skinnier. before i was never skinny or anything like that. i was always bigger, well i consider that i was fat. now i still do think im fat but i dont think about my weight that much. i used to be overweight now i dont know if i am. i hope im not. the most part i hate about me is my face. i think my face is ugly. i have never had a boyfriend. i think i havent had one because of my face. its ugly. and i hate it. i wish i could change my face and look better. i also dont sleep a lot. maybe like 6 hour a night. i wake up at around 12 midday and i go to sleep at like 5 am. i like being up at night. me and my friend both. we are night owls. and during those sleepless nights we just go and get stoned or try to find pills we can take so we dont have to sit sober. its a pain in the ass for me to be sober. i just dont like to be sober. and so ill smoke pot or take pills. i know im not addicted to anything. i can be sober i just dont like to. i think my mom thinks i hate her. but i dont. i think she thinks that because im never home (i hate being home.) whenever she calls me she never says bye at the end of our conversation and just hangs up. i went home tonight just so she can be nicer. i dont hate my mother. i just get moody sometimes and ive taken it out on her before. i feel bad about that. i dont mean to snap at her. its just that when imÂ agitated i cant help it. well thats pretty much it. i dont think people really read what i say, but its alright, at least im getting it off my chest. and i got like 2 more hours to stay up. whoop whoop.