Im Tired Of This Shit

November 26th, 2011by mapazita

umm hey my name is sasha … && i think im going through depression right now … Im 15 years old … And i think it all started when i was 13 years old and my mom took me away from my country peru to move into USA where my brothers lived. ( i think she mostly moved because of this dude she me and that she though she was gonna marry him ) so i left my father with cancer and i blame myself for this . After i turned 15 … On march 29th my father passed away . He was a really important person in my country … Almost a boss of a tv channel and he was all over the new’s over there . They told me his last words where my name … I blame myself for not being there. We he had other 2 son’s and 2 daughters over there in peru … Im the last pne and y mom haves 1 son and 1 daughter too ( the ones that lived on usa ) so … When my father passed away all his kds went over hos house and took every single thing and all houses and cars . I didnt gave a fuck… I just wanted my father back … At the end the only think i asked for my inheritance where his pictures … So a few day’s ago i could see everything coming down on me … On thanks giving my mom went out with her new bf and ate out while i stayed home … No food no nothing thanksgiving …
Not even mac and cheese . My sister treated me like crap and at night i babysitted her daughter so she could go out . Then later kn that night my mom came and she was like why you so mad and i looked at her with a face like twlling her to get the fidge out of the room . Then today everything broked down. I woke up and she asked me if i was gonnahave breakfast and i was like no … And she was like ok clean the room ( we share rooms ) i cleaned and thwn she came saying what are you gonna do today and i was like mmm idk cuz yesterday i asked you if i could choll with soem friends and u said no … Then she said well im not gonna stay home like you cuz it’s not my fault ( like if she was making me a favor ) then she was like well what are we gonna do . And i was like nothing <_< and then she started shouting saying i never want to go out with her and her bf and i was like if i dont wanna go i dont want to just leave me alone like alway's !!! Then she shouted eben more and then what broke me was that she started saying just cuz ur father left you doesnt mean i have to resist all this . So just cuz the man left i have to doit ?! I always buy you all things bla bla bla and i looked at her and as soon as she said my fyhers name i covered my ears and shouted and starte xrying … I couldnt recognize myself but it hurted me like hell … She continued .. Your fathers dead admit it ! My fayher left me too ( at 45 years old ) and i was shouting in my mind that i left him at 13 ( she took me aaway from him ) !!!! she shouted at me and wouldnt stop . I would just hold my ears and cry and cry wishing i wasnt there . Then another problem this boy i tjhink i liked amd we like bff's wouldnt text me the whoole day and we've texted each other since we met … I was depressed few weeks before because of him and cuz he was suffering for my friend who left to er country … He said he falled inlove with her when she left … And i tried to help but i dk … I didnt ate or nothing . And he confuses me with his feelings . It’s just so much going on that i think i need to leave . My mom shouted at me saying is i wanna go back to peru shell send me back .. I would be happy too but idk what to do with this boy … I would be doing the same the other girl did . And practivally today it hough it was better if i wasnt born . I wanna be with my dad so freaking badly. I was or not at the moment such a sweet happy clumsy funny girl man and idk you woulsnt rexognize me now .

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