I have “Marooned” by Pink Floyd on as I type this. The whole Division Bell album feels fitting right now. It’s all about division, about separation, about loss, about something being missing. I’ve been missing something for years and I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how I can get it back without blowing everything apart and I’m imploding under the pressure and it’s taking every ounce of willpower I have to not just destroy myself and make it easier on everyone else. Rather just keep my failures my own then inflict them upon everyone else.
I’m a lost cause in this world like basically everything falls apart for me like my friends on Xbox live have a problem with me for some reason and I didn’t do fuck all. Why does my life even exist like nothing good comes out of it and anything good comes into my life goes away too. My friends lives seem to be going good so good for them but I’m left behind I’m poor, short, skinny, disabled and no girl finds me attractive so fuck me right I just want someone to be with someone I can be happy with and someone who respects […]
I’m tired, i’m killed
just bcz of wat u did
the moment i trusted u the most
u simply killed all my hopes
my love was always veryy true
n i was utmost loyal to u too
even then u had to go far
but baby, it just tore me apart
all this when u always knew
i cud never bear the distance between me and you
what we had was so beautiful and so strong
i just could never know when did i go wrong
ya, der was jsz 1 mistake dat i made
i do xcpt it,regret it n m ready to corrct […]
Where are you now? I used to feel you in everything I did. I used to feel you in the wind, the water, my heart. Now.. I feel nothing. It’s like you never existed. It’s like you were never apart of me. You could make me cry, in a way that wasn’t tragic, but beautiful. You brought me joy and happiness. You brought my heart and mind peace. You took away the darkness and the pain. You stopped the tears and the hurt. Now you’re nowhere to be found, and I feel everything more than ever. I feel the pain and hurt like someone stabbing […]
I was trying to take apart a shaving razor for so long to get the blades out to cut with, and I finally got it apart! Cutting with them felt so nice. I’m still contemplating wether I should cut really deep and bleed out or cut deep on the vein…
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/10-The-End-of-All-Things.mp3
She lies next to me, breathing softly, quiet whimpers drifting from her mouth as she sleeps, as I am wrapped in a sadness I cannot explain. She makes me happy, she does, but it seems to be more than that and yet, at the same time, less. Inside me, ocean waves pass over my head, tangling me in the current, and I can’t breathe. Tumbled in some form of vertigo in my head, in my heart, while my body lies on the sand, the water barely lapping at my toes.
So what’s wrong? Nothing.
Why, then, do I feel like I’m falling apart on the inside?
I […]
i feel like I’m walking into a sacred temple of sorts and I’m defiling the marble staircases just by stepping onto them. If I walk past the oak doors and into the cathedral, the stained glass windows will shatter and the pillars will crack and crumble at my undeserved and unwanted entry; i have no place here, I’m barely lost. I am a wandering destruction.
I wrote something a few days ago, and i’m sharing it here, now.
“To the Readers”
Slip.
You slip and nothing is as it should be; the world around you is but an endless dream, a mere coffee stain on your notebook […]
Theres fire in her eyes,
And a spark in her soul.
There’s flames in her mind,
And her heart is a hole.
There’s an ocean in her eyes,
And a waterfall pouring down her face.
There’s a deep blue color within them,
As the tears began to race.
There’s no hope in her eyes,
No faith in her heart.
There’s nothing left to cling to,
As her world is falling apart.
Do you remember those summer childhood moments spent carefree and happy, when you were filled with hope for your bright future?  I do.  I look back, and think, where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong to make it get this bad? I also remember a childhood gone wrong – a childhood of sadness wishing it would all just go away.  I remember a young me, not too long ago, wanting it all to end.  And that’s still the me today.  I’ve always felt like I were on the outside looking in.  I’ve always felt somehow different – as if there were something setting […]
I just want a Prince charming
or even someone that isn’t harming.
Just someone to ten my heart
and someone to stop me from tearing apart.
I don’t want a tiara or a crown.
Just some happiness when I’m down
or just a smile on their face
But I know that’s not the case
Someone that will trust me
And someone who will believe me
Someone to share a genuine a smile
To comfort me all the while
A person who doesn’t care about my past.
A relationship that I know will last
A person that understands me
And expects me to just be me.
the life in me has gone
everything was wrong
in my life i had no sympathy
my life was full of tragedy
everything i knew and love
disappeared with a knife and a shove
i see the darkness closing in
in my mind all i knew was sin
i fucked up everything
i gave in
death is what i  start
cause everything fell apart
My life is falling apart, things that I didn’t think could hurt me have managed to get inside my head and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I haven’t open up to anyone because just the thought of it terrifies me. I’ve only ever opened up to one person in my life, she was a therapist and she ended up lying to me and sharing my secrets with people who she knew I didn’t want to hear them.
when people say stay strong things will get better i promise.. it never turns out to be like that in my case i get over everything. and it comes back cuz of something else happened to top that problem..
feeling like shit and nothing going right in your life. called whore by your dad and telling him to pack your things cuz she dont want you living with him anymore. then moving in with my mom everything starts getting better then BAMM you get raped by your step dad then end up getting a bf that same night and scared your gonna lose him your […]
I’m not even sure why I’m on here again… my life is in no immediate danger, but who know how long that will last. Some good things have happened to me an honestly I can say I enjoyed it. I graduated from college and got my diploma. I took my boards and passed them. Overall, I was ok, or well as ok as someone like myself could be. At the same time I’ve been clean for almost 5 months now. I haven’t cut or burned myself no matter how badly I wanted to. With all good things come the bad. I had to move back […]
Every night I fall asleep thinking of what it is I wish I could have the most, at one point in time I wanted to be happy. And then I found happiness, I found myself falling in love with someone so completely imperfect. I knew that what it was that was between him and I wasn’t a reality because at the end of the day he fell asleep next to my sister, except on the many occasions that he fell asleep on the couch with me beside him. But in the end he was beside her, she got to call him “my boyfriend” I got to […]
I always wanted to prove her how much i love her.
All things happened to me is only becoz i love her so much.
I want to rewind my life only six hours if its possible ?
It feels hurt deep inside me.
Amy i love u more than my life.
I prayed a lot of gods to fall in love with u […]
You’re tearing me apart,
When I can’t stop thinking and lock myself in my mind.
You’re tearing me apart,
When You’re always on my head and You’re forcing me to stop thinking of myself.
You’re tearing me apart,
When you want me to stop living, and concentrate on your feelings.
You’re tearing me apart,
Cause while time passes, flowers are dying and so am I.
You’re tearing me apart,
When You’re giving me reasons to not fight and give up on myself.
You’re tearing me apart,
All I can feel is the pain that you left and is keeping me by your side.
Without being there with you, but in your […]
He called my name
I walked away
Now im wishing i would have stayed
We walk around
Both looking at the ground
Scared to catch the other staring
But we both move on with out a sound
Remember the first night we kissed
I hope im not the only one who misses it..
I’m stupid for still loving you
My hopes are childish like i am
1 year younger, worlds apart
Here i sit with a broken heart
You said you wanted to ask me somthing..
Now im wondering what
But i lost my chance to hear it
By my own stubborness
Forgive me
For loving you
More then you could ever love […]
My mouth is as dry as the pavement in July.
Hair soaking wet fist clinched at my sides
somehow I know this is going to end in a fight.
She takes the first swing a shot at my pride.
If there’s one thing I know I’ve got to survive.
I have to tell this story I cant simply let it be!
And let it fade away lost with apart of me.
I won’t yell for help even though I know i should.
Because if I did I’d be misunderstood.
See this wouldn’t be easy to explain.
Why do I stand alone in the rain?
The answer is simple and hard to hide.
Because the person I fight
Lies […]
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