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awake
In my English course we had to do a research paper on something . I’m really interested in alternative medicine vs. allopathic medication (what we use here). I found some super cool stuff – it can also help depression.
Aromatherapy – different aromas can alter your mood . I actually tried this and bought different essential oils and smelled them . I could see a change . You can even put the oil on your skin , behind your neck and on your wrists . It some how changes your mood . Super cool
Traditional Chinese medicine(TCM)- needle therapy/massage therapy .
With acupuncture, they think […]
My head is torturing me. I keep having this very vivid image in my head. This dream that haunts me even when I’m awake. It gives me one hell of a motherfucking headache also.
I walk into the house. It doesn’t matter how the dream begins, I always end up in the house. My house. I’m immediately greeted by the smell of blood. I think it has a smell. Especially blood associated with death. Something you never forget.
The smell of that blood is imprinted in my mind. The blood I was covered in when he was killed. I think I got some in my mouth. But, […]
Fuck, yeah, I’m drunk again…
Anyway, so I noticed that when I drink too much I get some kind of anxiety. I’m afraid of choking on vomit, so I try every time, as best as I can, not to fall asleep. Suicidal as I am, I still fear the idea of choking to death. I’m doing my best to try and stay awake until I sober up. If you guys would be so kind to comment in order to keep me busy reading what you’re saying, you’d be doing me a great service in helping keep me awake.
One question: Do you guys also get this type […]
Its going to 8am n im awake cant sleep so much on my mind i really hate feeling so sad and always thinking and worrying im so pissed off with my own family member her actions really get to me like then i get told dont worry about wat she does dont stress it but it does hurt even when my mom is upset being an only child would of been great but that is not how it is
This pulsating pain in my right shoulder, does it mean I’m awake? No… No, I’m obviously still dreaming. I know I should just keep dreaming but with all of the bs in the world, what’s the point? America’s considering voting for a stupid version of Hitler for President, a terrorist group thinks their plan makes sense when it really doesn’t and the world is one itchy, trigger finger away from World War 3! Hah, isn’t the human race wonderful! World peace will be achieved soon! “…And I thought my jokers were bad…” It’s a shame the answer is simple but humans are too fundamentally selfish […]
First failed attempt was Monday night I wasn’t feeling particularly suicidal but I saw an opportunity and took it.
Last night i took took a few bottles of sleeping pills but every time I would stop breathing I would jerk awake and concentrate on breathing. Needless to say it was a miserable night.
I just want it to be over.
I can’t sleep or stop crying
I used to sleep all day and all night. Now I sleep all day but I’m awake all night. I’m scared to go to bed. I fear the day that comes next. I don’t want it to be tomorrow don’t want to wake up and pretend not to be miserable. Don’t want to have to see people, talk to them. Interact with the kids that is my job. I’m just scared.
I really feel like im out of touch lately. Kinda droning on by..just on auto-pilot most of the times. My visions been getting weird and im having bouts of dizziness every now and then. I feel like im in pain both physically and emotionally that its just been one drug after another. Hell, just the other night i wrapped up ‘life is strange’ with a cocktail of rum two painkillers, a muscle relaxer and my sereoquel to top it off. And i was still awake and in pain into odd hours of the morning…feel like im growing a little dependant on popping pills just to […]
insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 vowels, 4 consonants…it’s 4 in the morning. I take enough sleeping pills to down a bus full of toddlers, I’ve taken 37 tonight….this is beginning to be an average number…not in a desparate attempt to die, but to sleeeeeeppppppp sleep sleep sleep sleeeeep…I cannot sleep. for 3 hours I tried…tv off lights off dark. silence. eyes closed, as if I laid completely still for long enough I could trick myself to sleep…..insomnia is crazy. there have been nights that I’ve just fuckin broke and wept, wept for sleep…a few days in and i’m thinking maybe I am actually asleep but […]
i wake up but I never truly wake up.
What at I mean is that my eyes open and my mind is awake to the idea of knowing it’s a new day and I need to get up. But my body is physically drained. My mentality is dead. My heart is tired and my motivation to get through another day is just nowhere to be found.
I am just so exhausted.
I have a job which I love but the motivation to get up is just…. I can’t. I hate it. My feet drag, my eyes water, I’m so tired, always. And it’s not a lack of sleep […]
i cant sleep. The anxiety and fear of going to school the next day to get bullied keeps me awake. When i do sleep its filled with nightmares of past experiences. and the voices. they’re always there i need help but doctors dont know what to do with me. At this point i feel like giving up.
We all have our business with life, the job, the family, entertainment. When my friend approached me, I was also engaged in one of the toughest time of my life; My family was undergoing a hard time about which i could not do anything but pray; I just started my first job. My friend needed help and I complied, sacrificed as much as I could; I would leave my job early so that I can reach college at time to make my friend learn something so that my friend would not fail and when married, I wanted to see the degree in my friend’s hand. […]
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and […]
being awake doesn’t bother me. I do rather enjoy life. But sleep is just so much better. Something about going to sleep is appealing. If it weren’t for the fact you had to inevitably wake up, it would be the perfect feeling.
Does anyone else feel like every time you wake up to a new day, a little more of you is stripped away? If I could turn down sleep, I probably would. Because every time I wake up, I slowly fall apart more. If sleeping wasn’t a factor then what is left of me would remain in tact. But you can’t stay awake, not forever. […]
I have to go to work in a couple of hours. I hate going there. I have to deal with constant sexual harassment from my boss. I’m quitting in a few weeks since he treats me like shit as well, he makes me do stuff that he can do, while he sits there watching dramas on his phone. I’m tired of being mistreated for 9 months and having to deal with the harassment without being able to tell anyone.
This morning my mom was awake early and noticed that I hadn’t taken my medicine at the time I’m supposed to so, she made me take it. […]
I take this title from one of Sylvia Plath’s final poems before her own suicide. The Phrase Crackle and Drag to me implies an afterimage, like when you watch the television screen and shut your eyes. You see phantasmagoria looming in your vision. This is what I hope to accomplish by my death. I want my loved ones to know that there is no malice nor ill-will in this action; I want them to know that I love them with a love that cannot be quantified; an immeasurable love deeper and wider than even I can believe. It Becomes more apparent as the moment approaches. […]
Over the weekend I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I can’t help but love him even though he won’t be mine. He admitted to being superficial. But I ended up getting to rub him down with a full body massage. And it was relaxing, in the sense that, it’s a moment I’ve always dreamed of, giving all of my attention to the one I love, in a romantic way. Only thing I couldn’t do is follow it up with kisses, since we’re not at that level. I’m afraid I’ll never see him now that something he’s committed to doing has […]