Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
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Hello sp peeps.
I found this site a billion years ago. I wonder who of the old regulars are still alive and kicking? I see I must’ve deleted all my old posts except 3.
I am back here now, at this moment because something came over me tonight. (jesus mind the phrasing pls)
Hang in there and you can fucking beat this!!!
Ps. I kinda sorta got married this year <3
Last post on here before this one was somewhere mid September 2013.
Keep it real folks, don’t do stupid shit and know – there’s ALWAYS someone listening even if it is someone that you’ve never met or seen before, believe […]
No matter how hard I try to live on, I feel trapped. I don’t know what it is but I feel so trapped in life. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t like it. I hate this. Nothing is okay and it never gets better. If it does ever get better, it just goes back to shit. I can’t do this anymore. I’m giving up for the last time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-cD4oLk_D0
You are a day ahead in New Zealand, so today is the 9th there, it is your birthday. I already said happy birthday to you earlier, but what would be more fitting than a birthday post on SP, where we met almost two years ago. You have been my dearest and longest friend, my little brother. “Back then I was a lonesome rogue who stumbled across a little fox in the snow, wounded with nowhere to go.” There isn’t anything I can say here that I haven’t said to you before, or vice versa. Despite different aliases from time to time, we’ve moved on from […]
I’m axious about life in general. Not in a bad way so much as, I never in a million years thought I would live this long! I grew up thinking I’d be dead by 20. I had a kid that I gave up in a private adoption at that point. Tomorrow is her 17th burthday. One more year and it’s legal to have contact, that is, if we find each other. I never thought I’d be alive when she turns 18. Which means I have to survive another year. I can’t believe I’m still alive on this day to see her 17th birthday arrive. She […]
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if […]
I feel like life holds no purpose for me. I want to die. Everyday i wake up and ask myself is it over. Why did God make me so inadequate? I hate being here. So many times I’ve tried to end my life. They don’t work. I cut but the hurt still finds its way back. I can’t live with feeling unloved. Unheard. Misunderstood. Alone. Confused. Hated. It hurts being me. I smile but no one knows how much it takes to do that. I make it look easy but its not. I just need someone to help before i make the next step. I […]
I can’t stop thinking about him. I crushed so hard on him in high school and no matter what, I cannot forget about him. He radiated absolute joy, and no matter what silly or stupid thing I talked about with him, it felt so good. I’m terrified and so saddened that this has happened, or that these suppressed feelings may continue to eat at me. I can’t keep this down, as it always comes back up and I am in tears again. Perhaps it’s stupid, absolutely meaningless and totally irrational, but I can’t deny it, and the fact that I haven’t told him or anyone […]
My life is going on a different track…not how i expected…! My bestie tried to ruin my life…i just can’t imagine someone doing that to anyone…friends are to support you and give you their shoulder to shed your tears on…friends are to walk with you in your difficult times and everyone knows that no one can understand us better than our friends…but what if that friend betrays you and stabs behind your back…??? i don’t think anyone deserves a friend like mine…she betrayed me just because of jealousy…its so sad to hear that your own friends are jealous of you and not happy to see […]
So I’ve been feeling a lot better lately than I have in years [Thank you my lovelies 🙂 ], however I still possess a strong urge to cut. And I really, really, really want to nip this habit in the bud. I am tired of leaving blood marks on my sheets and my jeans and my sweaters; I have tried replacing it with different activities (writing, jamming out to my favorite tunes) but my mind just goes back to it. Any suggestions? I am all ears.
i had a good maby hour and a half then my brother came back home with his shitty boyfriend on top of that i have to listen to my next door neighbors talk shit to. i felt good for what felt like 2 seconds, and it was nice. i just hope i get this job then all i have to do is save up enough money and move. ill be ok i just have to leave no one cares if i leave i just cant go back to that place whats so ever ill be ok.
I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.
I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have […]
Everyday I find myself hating my own life over and over again. He.. They just don’t get it. He.. They never will. I try to live my life as much as I can and I seem to not want it more and more as I go on. I have wanted to die for awhile now. It has been so hard to go on and I can’t seem to do it anymore. Every time I get close to doing so, there seems to be hope and I lose it. I lose it instantly and I am not happy. I haven’t been truly happy in a long time. I […]
I was just called stupid by my own husband that decided I’m holding him back and that me cutting myself was and is a stupid way to let go of my pain. But what does he know he doesn’t know how much depression hurts and how bad of a toll it takes on people. Anyways he’s deciding that being with me is to much of a problem so as of now I have nothing to look forward to waking up to every day anymore. At least this feeling of hating myself and feeling like a pathetic loser is going to be over soon.
It is people with problems that have the solution to them (or alternative to ending it in our cases). What would you like to see patent pending for antidepressant innovation? I saw once on RT news word of a “euthanasia roller coaster” and was ….disturbed by it. But it got me thinking about an idea to soothe those evil thoughts of dying without riding a death coaster (no its not a real thing…yet). My invention would be a clip on nose ring that emits whatever smell calms you down… because who can be upset when there’s lavander in the air? But if that fails i […]
You know, i have history of anxiety and depression. The first attack of depression came when i was in my under grad school. It was all boys. Some of the boys were kind to me but majority of them were bullies. I had a huge body structure so not much people tried to pick fight with me but some of them did and when they found out that instead of fighting them back, I instead tried to run away; they found a sport in bullying me.
One day, i was going back home on foot, i saw a tree which was naturally cut towards inside from […]
Four years passed in a blink of an eye,
left behind a bird can’t fly,
Every miss and every flaw,
All the tears and all the woe;
Striking now like blinding light,
A beaten soul through hopeless fight,
“Only if” won’t bring you back,
Nor the sorrow that shades the track,
Should I do IT should I not,
Time will tell though not a lot.
I was reading the news and came across an article in the Huffington Post about leaving your tattoo to your loved ones after you die. Yes, you read that right. Quote: “NAPSA — the National Association for the Preservation of Skin Art — launched earlier this month with the aim of helping you pass down your tattoos to your kids, grandkids, and loved ones. It’s no longer a morbid dream. You can have your tattoos removed, preserved and turned into fine art.”
It goes on to say that after you die they need to be notified within 18 hours and a kit is sent out […]
*You love yourself.
Reality: You hate your self.
*Your so peaceful.
Reality: You want to kill yourself.
And every smiles back.
Hey there. I saw your eyes yesterday. You’re disappointed. Sorry. I might be… out. I’m actually out. I’m always off. I’m always out. I push back my chair. I hide my hands in my pockets. I lay my head up against the wall. I deaf myself out and off with music. I don’t wanna listen anymore. I just don’t wanna be here. I keep complaining all the time. Always blaming someone, something. Always wondering, about me, about the others, about everything. I live in a world that isn’t. I have to make up my own to smile. See the smile on my lips when I […]