I know this site is for people who want to kill themselves, and I know many of you would look at me in disgust, but I want to kill my father, and then kill myself. I hate my father beyond words. He is supposed to protect me, shelter me, and teach me how to be an adult. Instead, he attacks me verbally and financially every chance he get. Any attempt to fight back only makes it worse, because he’s a master manipulator and constantly works to make my entire family hate me, which they’re so close to doing. He can shit on my face and […]
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Starting over.. I’ve done it again… I was doing so good but it’s back to this.. When will it end?! I try so hard to understand it all but I can’t.. Nothing makes sense.. Questions forever left with no answers ..
heres my story:
I am an 18 year old girl with very few friends. I just dropped out of college and moved back in with my mom because I have no where else to go. I dropped out of college because I fucked up my grades. I’ve never had many friends, I went to 4 high schools because I was always moving.
My mom and I fight a lot. I found a job but I have no one to hang out with. It’s depressing. I am tall, slim and pretty with long hair. I am super shy and it’s hard for me to talk to people. Guys […]
This is me tonight. The guy I like went back to his ex. I was going to ask him to my friends party on valentines day. Guess I don’t have to now. I’ve been up since 4am crying my eyes out and it actually caused me to throw up. How great-.- It’s like I seriously can’t stop crying. I don know why. I mean I knew he was going to go back to her. It’s just I haven’t tried this hard for a guy in a while. It sucks.
I told my father how I felt, everything that I felt and he got mad at me, he called me names, he yelled, and then he left. A few moments later he came back to tell me that I was a waste of space, and I told him that I didn’t care what he said because I was going to kill myself that day anyway.
After I yelled that while everyone else in my family was listening, I ran. I ran because I knew my mother, my sister and my brother would try to stop me from doing that. I hid, but was found moments […]
Last year around this time, I was admitted to the hospital for my severe depressive disorder…or whatever the fuck they called it. So I got to stay in the chamber of insanity hospital for about 5 agonizing days and missed my brother’s birthday.
I’ve been in therapy about a year now, longest I’ve ever been continually going. Along the way I got to be diagnosed with something lovingly called PTSD. That shit right there likes to tag-team with all the other emotions you got and send you into a downhill whirlwind. I would like to personally thank 3 people, no names mentioned, for disowning me, molesting […]
i live in a state of terror praying people away feeling like they are going to smash thru and take from me what they want. i clench my teeth at night. i hear things no one should have to hear. i gave up on god long ago yet god never lets up on me except to remind me hes not going to do anything to help me. i go thru a fog with my head bent terrified to be seen lest they attack me or kill me or rape me or burn me alive for being on disability, i only deserve to suffer. i am […]
Do you ever just stop and think that maybe you are being too selfish? Then you turn around and realize that you know nothing about yourself because you let your acts towards others define who you think you are? I was asked today, by a wonderful friend of mine, what I wanted to do with my life. Where I wanted to go to college, and what career path that I wanted to take. I answered the college because that has been a map of mine that I have followed for a couple of years, but I cannot for the life of me, think about what […]
Hi,
So today I was almost run over because a garbage truck backed off. Before he drove back when I was behind it, the last action was that he drove forward thus making me think it is safe. He might not have seen me, but this is still his role to make sure it was clear I went to his window to get a story.
-> the police told me it is the right of the driver to do this… they did not show much concern that I was BEHIND the car at that time and that it was not clear what he was doing as a […]
Hi everyone,
i won’t bored you with my back story. Needless to say it involves abuse/depression/anxiety/suicide attempts. I would love to talk to any like minded people about how they cope with continuous suicidial thoughts and crippling depression. Please message me :).
I cracked a smile this week – some things are such a good distraction.
A positive thought or two, but I feel too mentally frail and tired to act.
And now I am back to my misery and despair.
Perhaps I can stay distracted until I fade away.
I work this morning, but after I come home I start my classes for the first time since 2011. Today is the first day of class. I am terrified. I know it’s only online school but it feel so huge like an entire building is falling down on me. I am excited to be going back but at the same time I can’t shake that feeling of “what if” I’m at a point in life where I can not afford to fail. I have to do this and I have to make good grades or I won’t receive my scholarship and it is so much […]
Honestly, I’m so beyond done even trying. Im so glad my parents arent back home until friday because i wouldnt want them to hear my last moments. I dont care anymore everything is over and ive had enough i guess this is my last goodbye
I miss you. I try not to think about you because when I do I think about all the fucked up mistakes I made in my depression and I can’t blame anyone but myself. I knew what I was doing and for some reason I did it anyway. I loved you. I loved you so very much and I chased you away. I destroyed our relationship and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I want to reach out to you, to try an apologize, to make amends. I can’t ever bring myself to do this though. If I do I’m just bringing back terrible memories. […]
We all make mistakes. Some more often that others, and some worse than others. It hurts both parties involved sometimes and other times only one person cares. But mistakes are a thing of the past. They are something that can not be undone. All we can do is apologize and try to make it up to the person. Try to be better, do better, and hope that they can forgive us. Sometimes I think the mistake is being human. Being…at all. Our lives are doomed from the starts someday we will all die somehow and we spend our entire lives just screwing up until then. […]
She stood by the bedpost and looked out the window
Her voice was a whisper
Save me it muttered to the darkness
The moonlit room was a hollow heart
Much like the one inside her chest
Beating one, two, one, two
She put a dark red capsule into her mouth
And as a single tear rolled down her cheek
She looked back on everything she’d seen in her life
No more, her voice so soft she wasn’t sure she was even speaking
Her heartbeat slowed
Her eyes closed, tired of seeing the moon
And the last thing she saw was her eyelids
Locking the door […]
I just need to vent and would like some advice. I’m just trying to get back on my feet, I had lost everything, was living in shelters and on the street for a while……then someone took me in. Turns out, they were big time pot heads, not that I’m totally against it, but I got sick of worrying about losing the apartment because they spent half of their money on weed. And I was tired of not having food or a bed. So my aunt offered that I stay with her…..my gut told me no, but I thought it’d be the smart thing to do, […]
I can’t tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like.
by ToastIsMe
written by ToastIsMe
Ironically, I can’t actually describe what it feels like anymore. In September and October all I wanted was to forget and stop feeling- I was so certain that would solve my problems. Now I’ve forgotten so much I’m not even the same person. I have no idea what to say to people anymore. Writing is easier because you only see the finished product, you don’t see me daydreaming or imagining, or pausing; you just read this and that’s it. Face to face I find myself just sitting there staring. The only people I talk to are my roommate who is a self absorbed moron and […]
Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
Hello. I’m 23, a college student, and was just diagnosed back in September with an anxiety disorder and depression.
I don’t know who to blame. Or didn’t for a long time. I’ve dealt with what I suppose is considered self loathing since I was eight years old, and always assumed this was just a result of causality. I didn’t have many friends, my grades were shit, I often felt angry and isolated from people around me. I assumed that I hated myself for these reasons- because I was somebody worth hating. Because if I were somebody else, I’d probably hate me still. Now I don’t know.
I […]