I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have almost no empathy. Everyone tells me and I don’t know what to do.
The best way I can explain this is that my sister has been through some pretty bad stuff, she’s been sexually assaulted and she’s got anorexia. But I don’t feel sorry for her at all. All I feel is inconvenienced, like this is affecting my life and it’s just annoying.
I know this isn’t how I should feel.
What is wrong with me?
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
“It’s a new day”, she thinks.
Open the blinds, the sun is shinning. She grabs her laptop, opens up itunes and puts some happy song playing.
“This will be a better day, it has to be.”
Hops up in the shower, singing along with the music, feeling the water wash away all the bad stuff. It almost seems like everything is okey, like the darkness is starting to go away. Her long hair is all pretty, and she looks at the mirror comtemplating herself.
“Maybe today someone will understand, maybe today someone will truly be there for me. Maybe I won’t be alone anymore.”
The music is still playing while […]
Why cant I be gone already? Why am I still here hoping for change when more terrible stuff happen? Why when i beg God to be dead the more bad stuff happen to me. I guess it just my bad luck. My life is to complicated right now but i keep holding on but then again there will be no change. But i won’t let go. No. Not now. Not when there are those few people that care so much. Not when i start feeling a bit of love. But then I can’t stop that thought. That thought that makes me hurt myself and i […]
I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]
It’s 9:48 AM and all I remember from last night was me sitting in my room, crying, and contemplating death. I remember me sitting there on my bed looking at the pile of pills calling my name. I sometimes think that I think to much, but maybe I don’t, maybe I think about the bad stuff to much. I decided that I should start thinking about everything positive in my life. There are people out there dealing with way bigger problems than mine. Some people are dealing with cancer, somebody’s parents died, they’re brother or sister died, and some people are starving. My life is […]
Could this help anyone?
After a head injury one feels troubled for many years and ones thoughts can be dark.
A therapist was explaining to me that one needs to redirect ones thoughts and make new brain patterns or ones thoughts keep going to the same dead end of negativity.
She said just do one thing a day to start.
If you can start by one little step at time to start redirecting ones thoughts thats helping to make a new pattern – a new future for you.
She explained thoughts like sheep trails which often lead no where – so negative thoughts take us to dead ends and […]
I don’t really know how to tell anyone these things but I’m at breaking point, I can’t find comfort from the only two people who stick by me…
I’m fifteen years old and I get bullied every day at school for being ‘Emo’ I don’t understand why. They don’t know my past..
When I was younger my Mom and Dad would argue a lot, I’d end up crying myself to sleep wishing that they could just get along, That was until my Dad started hitting me, at first it would be on rare occasions then it was every night. I was so scared even now I’m scared […]
when something bad happens,
i grab a bottle of pills,
twist it and turn it,
in my hands
round and around,
i listen
to the “drop the world”
because it is the same as my mood,
it expresses how i feel.
i turn the pills in my hand
and listen.
i think about suicide,
a lot,
i dont think that i am normal.
i think about suicide and death too much.
im scared.
but i want to do it- kill myself.
i think to myself.
what would u say if i told u,
that i had a death wish.
countless times- i wrote suicide notes,
and swallowed […]
So much has happened to you.  How can you explain it all? I would be talking gibberish if I went through that.
One thing I have learned from my life is that the more bad stuff we have to explain, the less sense we make. People tune it out. They are looking to “fix” our problems and when it gets beyond “fixable”  they tune it out.
Sweetie, go to the Mayo’s clinic.
There is one in Rochchester, Minnesota,  and one in Rockchester , New York.
The Mayo’s clinic is the best.  They will fix you. smile
If your insurance won’t pay, well, then ask for donations.  Ask and you will […]
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