Recently I started working in a call center, I have worked there for two weeks. As someone who is severely depressed and has been suicidal for a long time, I just can’t handle it. I repeat the exact same thing on the phone for 10 hours a day. I have worked plenty before and it wasn’t my favorite thing to do but I could handle it. This job is just so mindless and depressing and repetitive that I can’t stand to be there anymore. When I’m there all I think of is killing myself and how much I hate it and mind-numblingly awful it is. […]
Tag:
bad
Today is going to be very bad, have snapped
I’m falling apart.
My life is falling apart.
I have been so hopeful.
I’ve been trying so hard.
But I just keep receiving bad things.
Now I keep thinking bad things.
I just want to die.
I can’t do this anymore.
Life is too overwhelming.
I can’t get ahead.
I can’t catch a break.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I want to die.
I need to.
Bye SP.
So I’m on this site because I’m struggling. I’ve a date set and its all I can think of. Who knows, I had a date set at the start of this year and I was talked out of it.
Anyway, look, thats my sad story and I wont bore anyone with the details but what I do want to say is this. I’m on here the last few days and it seems the majority of posters are young. Some of you have horrendous back stories that make me cry for you, some of you I’m not sure of only I know that you are in a […]
im so tired life is getting heavier and heavier my thoughts are getting worse and im so sick of bad thoughts. my medicine doesnt work at night.
I feel much more comfortable during night time, I don’t know why exactly. It is silent outside, I don’t have anything that I have to do, just sitting in front of the computer doing one or the other of the many things computers let you to do. Of course it is just an escape from my mind and thoughts, but it is a good feeling. Night is almost over though. I wish the night never ended, that relaxed/relieved feeling never ended. I hope tomorrow won’t be a bad day…
The feelings started coming back again that sort of empty worthless feeling and I’m still trying to fight it even now my trying not to cry
I read my Diagnostic report today for the forst time ever and I was like someone literally put all my bad quality in a “nice” little box and I realised just how pointless I really am I use to think that I can use what I DO have to my advantage but what I do have isn’t going to help me be successful in a ordinary part time job and I isn’t going to make me progress onto being happy and […]
im having bad thoughts please help me
some days I think of it less, today is a day that I am unable to give positive confirmation to…, the thought of it is so close, so close…if I were to sit still it would turn me into a fossil. it’s the landscape, it’s the atmosphere, when I breath it in, I can taste it on the roof of my life as I exhale, life isn’t so hard, just strap in and bleed if I only write the words that rush out like menses I don’t have to think to hard about what they might’ve ment, they’ve already been forgotten at their core. self […]
There was a time when I was fairly content with life. Took a lot of things for granted, things I should’ve cherished but instead just let them pass me by. I let myself just dwindle, sliding down further without me even knowing it. I wish there was a way I could go back in time and tell my reckless, dumb self to be more wary and careful. This all stemmed from me never looking at myself with love, I always thought I had to prove something, to be someone I was never meant to be. I should’ve just accepted who I was. If life presents […]
The only reason why I haven’t killed myself yet is my mother. She’d be crushed, and I don’t want to hurt anyone because of me killing myself.. I’m probably just going through a “phase”.. Well that’s what I hope… It sucks, I feel like I have a pretty bright future ahead of me: good grades, great Offensive Tackle, But I have basically 3 friends, and one of them is just done with me, and I don’t know how I fucked up so bad.. But some things are too much, my stepdad having stage 3 kidney cancer.. And earlier tonight, my “friend” had just said that […]
I don’t know what to do anymore… I’ve been suffering from clinical depression for about two and a half years now, and nothing that i have ever tried has ever been able to help. The incessant feelings of pure worthlessness, self-hatred, and pure relentless sadness are becoming very overwhelming at this point in time and I don’t foresee it getting any better anytime soon. I’m just sad, all the time… and its so bad sometimes that I just find myself crying for hours, and i am tired of it… tired of all of it… I feel like a burden and a problem to everyone around […]
Anyone else feel guilt knowing what you’re going to do to others? Of course most people aren’t backed into a corner like I am… but it’s hitting me a little bit here and a little bit there.
One of my bosses had a friend die yesterday. With my death coming soon, I feel bad for inevitably making her cry.
For everyone at my jobs, for letting them down, being such a disappointment and a waste of time, money, energy, training and resources. I’m sorry I can’t go on being homeless.
My kid. Yes, I have one out there who will be 17 next month. It’s her decision after […]
I’m back. It’s been awhile, though little has gotten better.. School is stressing me out, one of my close friends has gone distant, and the cherry on top: my stepdad (the only father I’ve ever had in my life) has Kidney cancer… I tried to tell my friend about it, and she flat out says “I don’t want any bad news.” And I’m dumbfounded, so I apologize.. For trying to tell her something important, what’s wrong with me? And how could a friend be so ignorant to another friend’s problem… Especially one as bad as a family member having cancer. Heh.. It’s easier to tell […]
So everyday is a complete blur. It doesn’t feel like I’m living, it just feels like I’m enduring. I can’t get anything right. I have the help I need like counsellors and medication but it doesn’t make any difference. My dad and his gf think I should just fake a smile and slowly accept it as it will brighten up my day. No, because I always get the gut feeling that I’m not allowed to be happy. Not with funny incidents, not jokes, not happy with myself. Just not happy in general. I can’t be. Every time I am I seem to fuck something up […]
This is one of the strange feelings I have about suicide. I easily believe that if I die by natural means or accident, I’ll simply perish forever. But if I try suicide I cannot imagine that I’ll be dead, I feel like I’ll survive somehow and end up in a worse situation. Even if I make sure that I do everything right, I cannot imagine that I’ll be able to kill myself. I feel like there is 0% chance of success. I feel immortal somehow.
Science and my logic says that this cannot be the case. If you make sure that you kill yourself, you’ll be […]
In the last couple days I am always crying, and most of the time for no reason and I can’t stop. I cry in bed, I laid down in floor and cry, I cry in front of the pc, at the window, while walking like a zombie in bedroom. And then I stop crying and I am without feelings, just there, quiet and empty. And sometimes when I cry I go from “I am going to kill myself right now” to “What? I want to live” to “I hate this universe!!” in a matter of seconds and several times in a row. Even the smallest […]
From the moment we met I knew I wanted to be with you
There was no one else but you
No one could make me smile but you
No one could take the pain away but you
These 4 years have been amazing because of you
But we have had some rocky paths due to me and you
Lately I have been feeling very low because of you
We have good and bad times because of you
When I have urges they are taken away because of you
I want to live because of you
All I do is for you
I try to be brave because of you
I don’t know if I would still be […]
i have been wanting to die for a decade. When I first came on here, I was really looking at 6 months to a year to live, enough for a “peaceful death”. Now that everything crashed around me on top of the crap I already been going though, I can’t stand another moment on this BBBofBS. The depression and PTSD is so bad that it hurts.
Thanks to my basement, I got a nice little workshop going on. Building two unique things that should make me pass out faster.
when I go to the doctor this week I’m gonna ask for sleeping pills “because I been having […]
my life is at bay nothing bad but the ache in my heart. i really miss him but he seems over me. i fucking knew one of us was gonna get too attached and it was me. dammit i just want to forget about him. go back the few weeks i fell for him and change how things happened. my only 2 friends are being supportive and keeping me busy. my mind always wonders to him. everyday i think about him and i go to walk up to him but i see that hes with hes friends and today he was with a girl so […]