So I’m on this site because I’m struggling. I’ve a date set and its all I can think of. Who knows, I had a date set at the start of this year and I was talked out of it.
Anyway, look, thats my sad story and I wont bore anyone with the details but what I do want to say is this. I’m on here the last few days and it seems the majority of posters are young. Some of you have horrendous back stories that make me cry for you, some of you I’m not sure of only I know that you are in a really bad spot and are no less vulnerable or entitled to feel depressed then anyone else.
Depression is real. It hurts. Sometime you can see no way out. There is no shame in feeling this way.
I’m suffering myself, but I’m older and when I suffered when I was younger I ignored the pain and battled on. You can only park it for so long then it comes back and bites you on the ass and this time wont let go.
To the young people out there. I gurantee that its not as bad as what you think and there are people and groups out there to help you.
I urge you all, stay in school, it can be done I promise you. Find a job that you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.
Don’t wait until you are 40 like me and its too late.
In some ways you will be better off than most when you come out of the darkness, healthier for the experience.
If I was younger I would try this advice. I think life could be wonderful but you have to make a change. Don’t ignore this illness.. take it from me the older you get the harder it is to beat.
Thats not to say that anyone my age cant beat it either but I urge you people in your 20’s. Talk to a GP, a counsellor, a professional… Make a change from the darkness and you may find life’s worth living.
Good Luck to you all!
17 comments
Thanks
I think 40 is still young, and young enough to make a change. You could meet someone or your circumstances could change. Don’t give up Kunstkind.
I was listening to something yesterday where a man said ‘if you ignore your problems they’ll get worse’, which I think is true in a lot of cases. There are a lot of teens on this site too (the older people here don’t seem to post as much), and I always wish I got help in my early teens. Trying to live with depression and anxiety led to a much, much worse form of both, stress and panic, quitting sixth form, etc etc. Not that that happens to everyone, but those problems do affect your life a lot, and when you deny them they tend to hang around.
And 40 – what a cheek – you’re just as guilty as the rest of us. 😉 Honestly though, I know it’s not just your age, but that’s far from being too late. I realise there are many other reasons why you’re here, but I don’t think age should be one of them.
Forty is still very young! You are still able to get help. These groups and other forms of help you speak of can work for you too. They help everyone, not just young people. They won’t look upon you as worthless or helpless because you’re 40. I believe it’s not too late for you to reach out for help. I mean, you’re here, right? That’s a start. We like to help. I hope you change your mind and skip that date.
Hi folks
“And 40 – what a cheek – you’re just as guilty as the rest of us. ?”
haha Trix 🙂 – No its not my age that is an issue… Its just a lot harder to make a change when you hit 40 than when you are 20… plus I’ve had that extra 20 years of really making a mess of things. My post really wasn’t a cry for help for me rather than I would hope one of the younger viewers realises that they can make a change and find happiness. After all thats all we want right?
Honestly, for me to make a change… I don’t think so now. I feel like there is no way out and am drowning. I have no joy in anything.
I’m married with kids am surrounded by people but yet I’ve never felt so alone and am fixated on past mistakes. That they could never be put right, the reaction to any action I would take would be too much…therefore right now the only obvious solution for me would be to call it a day.
I know depression clouds your judgment but I just cant see any way out.
Thanks for your comments – I do appreciate them I really do.
My message is simple though for the younger viewers and dont get consumed by the darkness and make a change. I wish I had when I was that age
thanks again all 🙂
I know your post wasn’t about you, and I know it isn’t just age itself but rather past mistakes and so on… But there are even very young people who are haunted by their past and make it through to the other side. Depression does make it seem impossible to fix problems without making things worse, and it’s not necessarily easy to work past… So I would understand. Just want you to know that nothing is impossible.
thanks Trix…
I get what you are saying.
It saddens me to read all the messages from the young people… though I understand the group 18-24 is the most at risk.
it is far easier to make a change for yourself when are this age though than it is when you are mine. Not impossible for me I agree – but easier when you are younger.
I dont want to feel this way… I would love to love life, love what I have, have someone love me that I can feel…
I think all that is far more achievable for when you are younger. I’d fear some young people may actually follow through with the plan when there is so much out there for them
Not fair! Please bore me with details. Reading these stories is helping me… An outcome I didn’t expect. I’m 55, so consider your own advice, youngster. 😉
And logic demands I make the point: death is a pretty big change… maybe not as big as, say, deciding to learn to play the oboe… but close.
Just writing this made me feel a bit better, so thanks for the opportunity.
Hi dare.poe
My story… would probably take to long to tell right now
Maybe I will go into some detail in a different post.
Short answer and headlines are I made bad decisions. I am fixated about poor choices I made. Too late to go back and undo everything
bad calls made on love, career, life… loads of mistakes made.
I have depression, something that is one stop short of bi-polar
its all consuming right now
I am in so much pain and feel so alone – though it has helped putting this out there
I just feel for me when I wake up – its pain. its all consuming. Even if I won a million bucks it wouldnt change how I feel.
I regret missed opportunities because i was too scared to take them and too afraid of upsetting people
i’ve always had dark times…throughout my 20’s but I ignored them and put them to one side. I had enough going on that would help me through but they were short term gains for long term pains
Now I am a young man in my 40’s and I just want all this pain to go away
hope this helps you
I have a whole cartload of mistakes I made in my 30s because I was NOT afraid of upsetting other people. I was very much into trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath were stored. Turns out that makes very bitter wine.
I calmed down in my 40s but nobody would talk to me. The missed opportunity of building lasting friendships haunts me to this day. Turns out support networks are a Really Good Idea. (Now they tell me!)
The pain is incapacitating! I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time distracting myself with drugs, alcohol, sex, and tiddlywinks. When I saw I just couldn’t indefinately keep pushing the pain away I started making plans
Agh. Tiny screen I hate you.
Anyway.
Four days ago my GF sat on my chest until I told her what was up.
I said, “you’d be better off without me.”
She said, “I’m an adult. I do not give you permission to decide what is best for me.”
Point taken.
So I’m going to see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist next week. I have little hope it will help, but why the hell not? I don’t trust the world. I don’t trust people. I also don’t trust myself, so maybe there is a nugget of peace or sanity or wisdom or a better way to win at tiddlywinks that I haven’t considered.
Maybe.
What are tiddlywinks and how does it compare to fuzzlewackets? Also, CBT is a good choice. Joining a monastery with some Buddhist monks is also a good strategy.
The Buddhist said, “life is pain. Now get over it.”
I punched him in the face.
Ten years later I became a Quaker. Seems the Buddhists had the last laugh.
*shakes fist a sky*
@Dare.Poe
you have such great vocabulary. You also have a girlfriend that sits on your chest so clearly you have someone who loves you and wants you to be happy
You clearly are a competent tiddley wink player but there is always more to learn about that game. You’re only ever as good as your last one
you dont sound like you should here… but you are and I wish you a speedy recovery
Take care amigo
CBT is definitely the way to go for you
I’ve heard great things about CBT.
I’ve tried non-directive therapy and that was maddening. The therapist saying “hmm” and “how does that make you feel” DID NOT HELP me figure out which end is up.
Vocab is the result if me hiding in libraries to avoid the bullies at school. Strangely, spelling and grammar didn’t improve. Big drawback is I now get an inappropriate erection whenever I see a woman holding an Oxford Comma.
The GF has a PhD in English Lit, so I have to pedal freaking hard to keep up, esp since I have no college degree. Regardless, she is a gem. As horrible as I think my life is, I cannot claim I’ve ever been shortchanged in affairs if the heart. (Tips to lurkers: heart open, ears open, and survive 27 bad relationships. I promise #28 will be magical!)
None of us should be here. The Terminal, the Sad, the Trans, the Questioning – There Ought To Be Proactive Support Networks For Us All. It boggles the mind, this casual cruelty our society perpetuates.
There is no age for a person to stop fighting. 40, 30, 20, 15, it all comes down to you. These numbers won’t indicate your choice. The one thing darkness can’t swallow up is your heart, so please don’t let it happen, don’t give up just yet. Old or young, you still have a life. You still have time, which is the one thing people have tried to get using money. I wanted to stop, to let go, to feel peace, but I realized how much I still got. And so do you. It’s hard to feel that pain. The one you feel on your chest and just want it to all stop. But that pain is to make you stronger. And you will always get stronger, never weaker.
@Royal_Styles1
I don’t see any future…not one that I could cope with. It all pain… even today… a nice day out with my kids… couldn’t even manage that.
I’m tired. I want this to end