26 years working for the same company…boss half my age, 21 year old daughter sick in a wheelchair all her life, me and wife are 24/7 caregivers. I dont want to anymore. nothing is fun nothing is worthit. Cant even get disab insurance to believe Im not well so i wasted 3 weeks off no pay and will probably be stuck going back to work in a few days. fuck it. 26 ativan in a bottle in the bathroom. Only reserve i have is that its not enough. I dont want to end up on a machine. Never though I was a bad person but […]
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Hi,
I have been dealing with depression since 8th grade. Ive been in college since 2008 working to get a bachelor’s. I’ve withdrawn from 9 semesters (8 for depression and 1 for another health-related matter). I am trying to becone an actuary currently. I cannot seem to catch a break.
I have tried many medications, ECT, and therapy. The newest medixation, Brintellix was working fine. However, in my third week of the semester, my depression just came back. I missed class 3/4 days last week. Every day I worked myself out of feeling bad, ending each day on a high. Still, I would wake up in […]
I’m so sorry mom, I betrayed you numerous times. But this time, I am deeply sorry. Besides all the medicine, I really don’t know why I’m so fucked up .. I lied about that vape pen . It is mine . I lied about the wine. I did drink it all . Do I regret it ? YES . Would I take it all back ? YES . Sometimes I think of why I’m still living . You yell at me and tell me to pack my things and move to my dads . Well you know I wont . You know I hate my […]
About a year ago I got high and bullied a friend. I hurt her so bad that she attempted suicide then I felt really bad and have been depressed/suicidal ever since. I have moments in school where just like whatever and go into the bathroom and cut myself. It also doesn’t help when someone sees the cuts and tells people. I felt as if I dug a 100 foot hole I can’t get out of. My life is done. It won’t get better.
Edit: I forgot to say I’m also bullied and have been since 4th grade (currently in 8th) and its hard to deal with […]
It makes not since.. Back at one..
You told me I meant so much to you, yet when I try to do something to benefit you because I know if I didn’t do what I did, you’d be in serious trouble… you turn everything around and pin things on me, to make me seem like the bad guy.. I can’t say I don’t have any mistakes, we all do.. But I never do anything to hurt you, and if I have it’s not intentionally.. I have only ever cared for you, more than I think I actually know how to care for myself and my […]
Hi. Call me Destiny.
I know horrible things. I know devastation, pain, loss, earthquakes. I know secrets. Secrets of people that I shouldn’t even know exist. I’m sorry.
A little about me:
My name is not really Destiny. I’d prefer to stay incognito on here. I’m not ashamed of my depression. I’ve had a severe depression for four years. “THIS is the worst of it,” I’d always say, and then it would just decline. Now that it’s been almost (not quite) a year, I can honestly say that last summer was undoubtedly, 100% as bad as it had ever gotten.
I’ll give you the quick […]
Sure, she looks like a bollywood model, but that’s not what I mean. She really cares about people. She volunteers at soup kitchens and organizes charity drives. Bad news stories involving people she doesn’t even know makes her get teary eyed. She spent a week losing sleep, tossing and turning because she was worried that I might be upset about something completely insignificant. She truly has a heart of gold.
I don’t have rose tinted glasses on. She’s a boy crazy lush like the rest of the women I know, but she doesn’t let it define her like so many others. She calls me a good […]
I need help on a painless way to exit , please don’t lecture me… things have gotten so bad that I know things won’t improve and it would be better this way
i never knew my father, (my mother told him i wasnt his….i learned this thru my uncle at 13) my mother had a Phd in apathy, with a minor in witholding…..it wasnt really her fault though, she was 16, i was a mistake, and treated thusly…. she only carried to term in part to spite her mother, which she freely admitted, and since the moment of my conception, untill i left 4 days after turning 15, i was the blight of her existence, a heavy burden she had to bear, a punishment, if you will, for her spitefulnes….i’m making this sound so heartbreaking, and dramatic…it […]
It’s hard to remember that there is never truly a ‘right way’ of dealing with suicide, whether it’s you or a family member that has attempted. People will always get hurt, there will always be those feelings of shame, pointing fingers, those that will calls us melodramatic and say things that could tighten the noose a day sooner.
So knowing that, why not just buck up and take on that added shame when you reach out? I tell myself. Why am I so afraid of uttering my deepest secrets to the person that I’m expected to do that with?
Because the moment I do, he will […]
I have never felt like I belonged. I’m different. I’m not weird or anything but I have no interests in life. I never have. I have always felt alone even when I’m with somebody. I stay here because I have responsibilities. Everyday I come closer to just ending it all. I have bad days and then I have really bad days. Nobody understands me, so I pretend to be content with my life to make it easier on my family. Inside I’m dying. I’m suffering. Life wasn’t meant to be lived by me I have known this since I was 12. I am not meant […]
I thought I was going to bed, but I can’t…
So, I thought… I may rant a bit… you guys can just ignore this if ya want.
But, I don’t know what the kids at the fucking elementary school are teaching my niece and nephew to say, but if I hear the word “puta” one more fucking time I’m going to knock someones teeth down their god damned throat.
It brings up… really… bad… memories for me.
My cousins are fluent in Spanish, and well, the one who raped me… Called me “puta” when I cried about it…
and all I can hear when people say it is their voice, […]
I’m still trying to hang on to my life. I’m exhausted by bad ptsd symptoms. I want to move away from my abuser and feel trapped on disability. My brain is so tired and I hear voices at night. My internet and phone on the same day went out and it was hell. By the grace of God thank you Jesus the internet is bad on, and I still have to find another phone carrier b/c Verizon was not helpful in getting me an upgrade. Stupid story. I am terrified of the new neighbor coming in and I am missing my priest who left and […]
so did anyone feel you are live in different world , i mean the way i think and the way other think is just different , i love random thing, i love weird thing, my curiosity is limitless i want to know more and more, but people around me just be like ” dude you are really weird, try be normal like the others , or you are so stupid and what are you doing is useless” and other thing like that , they are bullying me cause of that , iam not super smart or talented man, but i just want to be […]
That was pretty-funny, I guess
Too bad, I’m the only that isn’t toast-jelly
Bend like a hanger, what is it
Multiple-Tutu-Man, sounds the same on every-name
Can’t you tell you, you need to take-it easy, man
You probably ruining the site for any true-newcomers
With all the pure-gibberish that you say, not like me
Literally, eleven out of the first thirteen posts is his or it’s
What-up, too bad, I’m the only one that isn’t toast-jelly
Continuum all by-myself, fortifies is the suffering
At least, thank-you for that, I don’t know if I can say “comrade,” anymore.
Now, I know what I am but you […]
Today is the 2 week mark that I haven’t taken pain killers. I AM CRAVING THEM SO BAD. But in their place I am cutting myself more and drinking more. Whatever I can do to try to make the pain go away. I miss the pills, like I miss the effect. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t think about anything. I just sat there. And I like not thinking, because I don’t think of all the bad things. I don’t have to remember everything that I’m trying to forget. But I am trying to stop cutting myself, so when i wear short sleeves i wont […]
I have never understood the concept of this, and wonder if others ever found similar situations or speeches in incidents that should have never been told such bull shit lies or comments that could easily back fire in thier faces.
Great example, over a decade to almost twenty years ago, when I was still in high school and into college, I was constantly dealing with many issues, and not just the typical bullying at school, I’d have it at home too, and this was also when I was first molested and raped, and just too much for me to handle, one thing after another. Why do […]
Hello,
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. I have been thinking about shame and guilt. What I’ve noticed so far that I have done some terrible things in my life as a result of shame. I have intense suicidal thoughts due to shame. Shame, meaning I am a bad person and guilt meaning I have bad behaviors.
At times, I think people use shame and guilt interchangeably, which is detrimental to someone who struggles with mental illness. I have a lot of shame. I am shameful of my ethnic background, I am shameful of my behaviors and people I’ve hurt. There’s several things wrong […]
This is just what i think in my head… I just wrote what i was thinking at that moment but please help me.. -brian m. R.
Well… Im back i guess thats a bad thing…how can i get this suicidle feelings off my chest?!? How can i be straight ?! ???????? i know thats never gonna happen .. So why do I still wish it?!?! Being bisexual is a curse…..why did i have to fall in “love” with my best friend since 3ed grade?!? Fuck i cant…. Should i just forget about him ?!? Should i kill my self?!? Should i run away again?!? Should i […]
Em,
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. We need that one person who is always their for us even when it seems like everything we’ve done should turn them against us. And I know you didn’t do much except send out an encouraging text now and then, but you were that person. You were the one who kept me going for this long, who kept me able to get up each morning to face the day. Granted, there were many times when i wanted to die and i could hardly pull myself to my feet and all i could do was lay there, praying for […]