Yes I got the title from Doug Stanhope (one of dopest). I felt it very appropriate considering how I plan to end it all. Sept. 14th my birthday. Perfect. I don’t wish to go into the details of my heart ache, I just want the pain and loneliness to cease. One shotgun from Walmart $150, box of shells $10, alleviation from thirty four years of emotional upheaval fucking priceless.
I wake up each day wondering what I am doing and why I am still awake.
I had aspirations and hopes that lifted me up really high only to drop me in abyss of nothingness. Live to the fullest? What is the point? For what? For myself? I hate to break the news. There is no more me left as I no longer can feel anything except my weakening willpower and body as the days go by.
What is life for really? What is this pursuit for life actually? For happiness which will slowly fade away to nothingness? For challenging your brain which will […]
So we’ve been assigned our first real assignment in English, and it’s to write a descriptive-narrative essay about a personal feeling or perspective that we have had that has changed through time. The only thing that I can think of is how I used to be a happy person, then I became a depressed and potentially suicidal cynic.
Personal essays have always been the hardest for me, because I honestly hate describing who I am. I also worry about whether or not my essay should meet the desires of my teacher. He likes witty, humorous writings. If he reads mine, I feel like he’ll contact […]
I was just going to post a picture on Instagram with the caption being “this has been a crappy day.” Then, I realized I just sounded like an attention whore wanting someone to ask why and understand.
My parents are mad at me. I have a 95% in math. Apparently that’s bad, so they are going to hold a parent-teacher conference. In English i have an 88%. I don’t even know why. My essay was read by teacher as an example paper to the class. I got 7 out 10 right in a pop quiz so it bought down my grade by TEN PERCENT! And on the grading […]
Hey. This is my first post ever. I don’t really know how to put my situation into words so I’ll just type and see what comes out.
I have been battling depression for about 10 years now with several highs and lows. I had my first suicidal thoughts when I was 11. I felt useless and lonely although I had a few friends that I loved and a nice family. But I felt so out of place and like all I did was wrong. I started to hate myself and my self-esteem crumbled. I was able to hide it until I was 17 but then I […]
I’m so sad all the time… all I want to do is cry, it’s gotten so bad that I can’t control the tears anymore..
What’s wrong with me??? I need help.. but how? I tried telling my mom Im depressed.. but I couldn’t.. because she’ll ignore it and tell me to power through my phase.. I guess that’s what they should end off with at my funeral; she powered through
I don’t honestly know what to say so i’ll just start typing and hope it works. so for the most part my life hasn’t been the worst I grew up mostly in a trashy trailer park my dad left the day i was born. i also got bullied when i was little i would come home with bruise, cuts, scraps quite often there where some older gets who would beat on me. it wasn’t to bad then it started when i was about 4 but i had a few friends so i could take it. but in second grade my mom forced me to switch […]
Thought I’d give everyone an update on life.
Got a small band and we have played a show.
Link is here:
I’m the guitarest. Feel free to check out more videos.
I also have a new number, so if anyone here needs to talk, feel free to email and get the number.
I’m trying to keep my days busy and entertained, so I don’t enter a dark place. If I were to say that I don’t have bad days anymore, it would be a lie. They actually happen often, but I try to distract myself from them.
My email: brl.cents@gmail.com
I’m only 18. I shouldn’t be so worried about this. Why can’t I stop thinking about this? I’m so afraid that I’ll mess up when I do have a kid. I’m afraid that I’ll neglect it. I’m afraid I’ll care more about myself than I do my child. I’m afraid that my child will love its babysitter more than it’s mother. I’m afraid I’ll lead the child down a path it was never meant for. I’m afraid I won’t be the mother I could or should be. But it’s more than that. I’m afraid I won’t be able to have a child. I’m afraid I’m […]
I am a 40 year old male and I have never been in a relationship. All my life I have been abused and neglected and girls just don’t talk to me. I guess I’m one of those skinny, “creepy”, whiter than normal people who people, especially women feel pity for. And that is all I seem to get from the women who drive by with their boyfriends and husbands in this shitty town out in the middle of nowhere. My work history is really not that good so I can’t seem to get a job and all I live on is a dim hope that […]
I’ve been alone in my depression my entire life. I’ve got social anxiety so I’m basically a recluse. My depression is treatment resistant. The longest a medication has worked for me is two months before it stops and needs to be changed. To add to it I get the worst side effects. Uncontrollable muscle movements slurred speech and worse. I can’t take life anymore. I need a friend and a hug and someone to just hold me while I cry. It just doesn’t end. With everything going bad in my life I want to die so bad but I’m too big a coward to kill […]
Lately I’ve had lots of thoughts about cutting…I’ve never done it before. But I’ve know people who have and they say it relieves their pain and makes them feel better.
I guess the only thing stopping me is the pain. (Ironic that I could try to kill myself but not bring myself to slash my wrist lol right?)
i just want some of my pain to go away. I’ve never been 100% positive about suicide so this sounds good idk.
How bad does it hurt?
I’ve been doing much better since I posted on here last. It really helped talking to people that actually understood how and why I felt the way I did. It also made me realise that even people that don’t know me, care. They will take the time to discuss all the bad shit as to where your friends no longer have time for it and you just need to snap out of it . Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.
I’m 20 a mom and a wife, yet I still feel like suicide may be the only option to make everything better. My life isn’t that bad but all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve went through has added up and made me feel like it’s finally time to cut myself off. For a while I realized my life wasn’t that bad to where suicide had to be an option. Recently tho my husband has come out and told all that he doesn’t like about me. I’m pretty but have a mommy belly. When I was pregnant I gained over 100 pounds from eating, then […]
i shouldnt have this much pain inside of me. i dont have it nearly as bad as other people. i have a loving mother, roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tum, a beautiful car, etc. yet i still feel broken inside. all because of her. why couldnt she love me again? why does she have to move far away and leave me here? she couldve made me the happiest man in the world. nobody will ever love her as much as i do. i cant take feeling this way. once shes gone and my mother passes, i will be empty, […]
Is it okay to stay alive for your friends so they do not feel bad, and pretend nothing is going on but inside so much pain that you want to die?
im extremely depressed and idk why. I cant get these bad thoughts out of my head and I feel like a failure. ive had similar episodes of depression in the past and have attempted suicide before using pills and I don’t want to get back to that. I attend a liberal arts school and was on the wrestling team with a scholarship but I gave that up today due to this depression. Im planning on dropping out, I don’t want my parents to waste 18,000 dollars on this school where I walk around wanting to die and failing classes. I just want help from someone that’s not getting paid to […]
I’ve been standing here for the last 20 minutes trying to get enough courage to step of the stupid chair, I want to leave so bad but I just can’t take this last step!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!
I’ve been having these dreams for awhile now. I’ll be in a certain time period of my life. Last night I had a dream that I was in the year 2004 again. Everything was so vivid. I was able to see my 8-year-old self. How full of life she was, how innocent she was, how much she admired her father, and loved her grandmother, how annoyed she would be by her sister, even then. My dream became lucid halfway through, and I ran into this bathroom. I tried looking at myself in the mirror but I couldn’t see my reflection, I tried to wash my […]
I’ve been feeling more than just a little down the last few days. I’ve always known that my MDD will come and go, regardless of the good and bad things in my life. The state of the world these days just seems to indicate there is no viable solution to the hate and killing. Why stick around and continue the vicious cycle?
This is One Blood by Terence Jay. A good representation of my attitude.