If not today, the last day something ‘made your day’?
What was it?
(a positive post from me, for once…)
I had my day made today, just now, and it wasn’t even ‘today’ because today’s already over, whatever…but…it was finding a ‘pink lemonade’ flavoured jolly-rancher-lollipop in the cheap bag of valentines candy I got for half off a couple days ago…fuckin best flavor ever!
I will legit mail these fuckin things out if they’d make anyone else’s day, so you’d better say if you want one! lol
Its like, things were all right and when the best times were yet to come, things went to the worst. Lost my one and only. Everyday waking up hoping that things would at least be better this day, while i end up in my bed crying in the night regretting and wanting a rewind button in my hand to fix things and make it as perfect and beautiful like it was. Now just the though of dying, depression, hopeless…….flows through my mind.
Now, wanting things to get better are only wishes that i can make everyday, when a cold and sad shooting star passes by. My […]
We fight and fight to stay alive. Our thoughts always going back to “no one cares” “they are better off without me” “my death would be a blessing to them”. But even though the thoughts are there we fight and fight. We climb to stay alive. But it seems now adays that if your an out cast or your alone or you have a mental or physical disability then your a freak that shouldn’t share the same space as those who are ” better”. I sit here and I see it all the time. Someone says “I’m lonly and depressed” someone would respond “no one […]
Im so angry and frustrated right now. Why me? Why has this been my life? I never asked for any of this. Those were my thoughts and feelings for some time. I was angry at god. I was angry at the world. I was angry at my parents for the childhood I was robbed of and the issues I got because of it. Not anymore though. My anger or frustration is all directed inward now.
Why cant I get better? Why cant I get past my childhood? Why cant I let go of all the pain and hurt that haunts my every thought? Im not a […]
My life story is crazy. There aren’t enough paragraphs to explain it all and I dont want to bore you with all of the details. I can tell you that Ive had two different therapists tell me that I needed to write a book because no one would believe all of it. The very short jist is a rough childhood, abuse, lots of anxiety and fear, bad relationships and much much more resulting in ptsd, depression and anxiety. I tried my damndest to overcome what I could and try to make a life for myself. I had a great job, great relationship, great income and […]
Well I just got dumped this past saturday after 2 1/2 years of being together. I guess I should have realized the signs when he stopped answering my messages of fb for two weeks…. The worse part he didn’t even give me an actual reason on why…. Just a bunch of shitty excuses and fake lies like oh It would be better if we were best friends…. NO ALL YOU DID WAS FRICKEN STABBED ME IN THE FUCKIN BACK AND LEFT THE KNIFE IN IT!
I’ve been pretty much in a pretty bad funk/depression all week going by so slow feeling like I’m in a time […]
And I’m afraid I can’t ignore it. I have put it off so many times. I even hate myself for not going through with it before, I regret going to the ER when I had the will to end it all.
Even now as a mother, I am full of pain, loneliness, sorrow. I see no light at the end of the tunnel even though I try. I love my son but the pain is too much to live with. From age 4 ’til now my life has been terrible. One bad thing after the next. Where is my break? Where’s my happiness? Apparently, there isn’t […]
I have done a lot of thinking lately and I just realized that no one in this god damn world cares and loves me. I mean all I do is bring agony and pain to my family and friends. I keep on making them sad and disappointed because of me. Which has led me to the conclusion that I will commit suicide soon as in really soon. I might use a gun, or jump from a certain height, or even drink poison or something like that. Because right now I give up. I don’t care about my life anymore. Peoples lives would be better without […]
You laugh in my face when I tell you how messed up I am?.. When I try to explain why I hurt because you ask what’s wrong with me? No, what is wrong with you?!?! Why laugh at someone who is clearly destroyed inside? Oh, that’s right I forgot I’m nothing but a joke to all that surround me.. I’m sorry I disappoint you. Maybe, one day when you see me cold, blue, and lifeless, you’ll feel a little better about yourself and won’t be so god damn self centered for once… Fuck you too!!! Fuck it all!! Sorry I’m such a fuck up! Done… […]
We all make mistakes. Some more often that others, and some worse than others. It hurts both parties involved sometimes and other times only one person cares. But mistakes are a thing of the past. They are something that can not be undone. All we can do is apologize and try to make it up to the person. Try to be better, do better, and hope that they can forgive us. Sometimes I think the mistake is being human. Being…at all. Our lives are doomed from the starts someday we will all die somehow and we spend our entire lives just screwing up until then. […]
I realized I can’t be an adult. I can just be me. And the real me feels better off without having to suffer another day.
Everything is better to me after some Crown Royal, Doobs and whatever else. I hope that anyone that visits this site can find an escape from the pain and get through this! Every second that goes by we are closer to death (like it or not)!!! 🙂
So. I posted here earlier and I got one comment that really didn’t help. It’s been a weird day for me and quite frankly I’m done. I decided that this Saturday I will loll myself. I failed out of college. My parents won’t talk to me because I told them I was gay. The only person who brings me happiness is my boyfriend. But he deserves someone much better than me. I gave him a ring already. But he can find someone better. He’s a great guy who can make anyone laugh. I have faith.
I have rope and handcuffs. There is a hook I […]
21 years old.
A bowler
I failed out of college and my parents do not know. As of right now they could care less for me because I have recently told them I was gay and had a boyfriend who makes me very happy. But I failed. I tried getting back into college but it’s a hopeless cause. It was a snowball effect that started one day when I rode my bike home from campus last April and I got hit by a car. I missed two weeks of school and this semester my knee was in constant pain even after having surgery. I’m tired of […]
I need help on a painless way to exit , please don’t lecture me… things have gotten so bad that I know things won’t improve and it would be better this way
why is that I am always that last kid to be picked for gym of for a group project the teacher has to put me into a group and everyone has to hate on me because they were happy with their friends before I showed up.. I am always such a burden to everyone. Even my mom says that I am a burden. So why am I still here if no one gives a damn about me? and being the last pick of the bunch or the “thing” that no one wants. I am the ugly duckling and no one really gives a damn. I […]
For those not familiar with the term, eugenics is a way to improve the human population by eliminating the weak and propagating the strong. Back then when Hitler was in power there were euthanasia centers where individuals with incurable disease as well as mental illness were given a mercy death. For various reasons I am not a supporter of Hitler, however imagine if these centers were to exist today. Many of us could check in to these places to request to be put to sleep. That would be wonderful. Better for us and for the world if we cease to exist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_T4
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve thought of killing myself on multiple occasions. Most of the reasons would be because of feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and frustration. When I was a little girl, I would often think of running away from home. I would plan which bag I would take, which clothes I would take away, and would decide whether to take the bus or a taxi to wherever I was going to run away to. I have been planning my escape since I was nine.
I am not an only child. I was not abused. I did not come from a poor family; we […]
I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself […]
Living on earth is like climbing a mountain with the goal of getting to the opposite side. Many will attempt to climb all the way to the summit, others succumb and travel around the side of mountain, and a select few will take the short cut – a high speed train blazing through the tunnel to reach the other side. Eventually all of us will end up at the same destination – at the base of the mountain at the other side.
I envy those who never existed on this earth. They may have missed experiencing pleasure but to miss experiencing pain is even sweeter.
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