I feel empty. I thought I could be happy for a least a couple years before another tragedy came my way; but I
guess I was wrong. Five years ago on November of 2007 was the one month of my life where i was truely and completly happy.
I had my family, health, love, and my first love. Everything was great until December when my youngest sister passed away
caused of a drunk driver. From that day until today I wish it had been me instead of her. My family went through dark times. The day
of the accident, an hour before the events I […]
Tag:
Bliss
I’ve been moving on lately. Not in the way one would imagine. I’ve become raw and uncut in my creativity. I’m exposing myself to the world with photos of what i see, thing I model in a virtual space, things i may draw by hand and music. Oh no I’m still not happy. But I’ve decided to keep pretending.
I”m doing light work. Work as in making amends to old flames if I possibly can. Maybe an offer of friendship or two. I’m learning to forgive my parents even though they still bait trap and subtly belittle for effect, and myself because I keep making mistakes. […]
Those eyes are the most beautiful hue of blue I have ever seen. Eyes associated with a complexion that forces even the moon to dull in shine. Surrounding this perfect entity is bliss. A crude seduction is overwhelming as I feel a confidence rise up within me. We are perfect for each other and everyone knows it. My knees go weak knowing he senses my pull towards him. As he walks over to present his hand, all the eyes in the room are fixed on us. I accept. Gorgeous does no justice to the angelic footsteps gliding me around the room. My cheeks turn red as […]
the silent poet writes with an interesting hue
his heart battered by emotions his heart black and blue
this ink is to show just how much you mean to me but one day you will see
From pin pricks to knife slitts
alone in the dark he sits
a dark moment yet a bright bliss
the ink foul and as thick as mud
het
oh how i want to go down 6 feet and be free
ill be away from this world and the hurt its caused me
so its selted, ill force a bullet right into my heart
ill end all the pain from the place it had to start
ill be in bliss and euporia and maybe feel okay
“i was too weak to go on”, ill make sure my note will say
im sorry for the confusion, you raised me right mom
it was me who chose to do this, so please try to stay calm
i know this is hard for you, seeing me in crimson
but one day youll realize that this was […]
I don’t really see what else there is for me to do. I feel like all I ever do internally and out is apologize for the kind of person I am and the choices I’ve made. I feel like I should apologize for not being successful the last three times I tried to commit suicide, both to myself and to everyone who’s had to deal with me since those points.
It’s been made pretty much abundantly clear that I am the thing standing between my mother and her relationship. Her **** of a boyfriend is so pre-occupied with how much of a disappointment I am that […]
So after keeping everything bottled up inside me I decided I have to share my real feelings.
Hmm…where to start? I guess when everything began.
I had just moved to this town in Texas because my father’s in the military. I was excited about the new experience. I had my heart set on going to this cool elementary school, Cielo Vista, but I couldn’t. So I had to go to Bliss, one of the worst elementary schools in the city. Thank god I was only there for 5th grade. Anyways, I was always a bit on the sad side. But when I got here, everything seemed to […]
Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. […]
I found a dead bird in my front yard the other day.
Normally, I wouldn’t be so caught up on this one animal because to be honest I really don’t like birds (long story) but this particular bird was different.
It started with my cousin’s apparent death that is encroaching more and more rapidly with each day.
My cousin, Zachariah, has been my paralyazed from the neck down since he was seventeen in a motocross accident. At first he was still the same cousin I loved, still able to move around in his electric wheel chair which he would always give me rides on whenever I wanted. He […]
i dont know why? i used to adore nights, being locked in my wonderful room away from my family (thats bliss to me) texting/e-mailing people..where did those people go? im left all alone. i now hate nights i hate now checking my phone looking at my e-mail in fear i have no messages from the people i need most, uh yeah so now iv became a night hater only cuz now i feel alone and unwanted another thing why the fuck cant i stop crying jeez just these past three days i wont stop crying…UGH! im just fucked like that i guess:/
OK, so I’ve decided to start posting some of my writing. I’m going to try to post something every night. I think it might help me to share it, and maybe it might help some other people here in their journeys. At least, I hope it will.
What I’m posting tonight is the poem I get my username from. I figured that was a good place to start. I know it doesn’t rhyme, so it doesn’t count as real poetry or anything. I wrote this a few months ago.
ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED! (Also, any suggestions for a title?)
These subtle bloodstains
Soak the whiteness to […]
I just took a dump and the empty feeling usually last for a solid 10 minutes, so ten minutes of bliss to get all of this out.
I decided yesterday to quit smoking and masturbating, to go back to who I was 3 years ago. I’ve an active imagination and I view my mind as a cockpit. There are voices about but for the most part, my pilot is in control. 3 years and I thought I was in control, but little did I know that my pilot was actually my lizard brain. 3 years spent on myself, finding pleasure, “finding myself”. All that happened though […]
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind,
I pray for ignorance and bliss,
Where no thought can smudge my sight,
And memories can’t make you cry,
If only forgetfulness turned to pleasure,
And remeberance my only blunder,
The world might seem a brighter place,
So be kind and let me live my,
Eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
Older Posts