Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. “I’m sorry” doesn’t fit because I’m not sorry for wanting to die. “Goodbye” feels so over used and cliche. It’s the second and third times I’ve tried to hang myself and all three times I was near success because my vision started to go black. The third time I even used the extra length of the bath robe string to bind my hands behind my back. I do have access to other weapons, but I preffer hangaing because there’s no mess, and I found for me that there’s no pain there in that situation, only bliss. I also find it easier to hid at a funeral for if I do succeed one day, the marks can be hidden under my chin. If there’s anyone who has suggestions of what I can do to better succeed at ending my life by hanging (considering all factors) , I’m more than happy to listen.
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4 comments
Take some time to write a letter to the ones closest to you before u continue with ur plan (if or when). It’s funny but it took me close to a year and probably over 20 different/revised versions of my suicide letter before I was mostly happy with it in its final form. One page front & back.
if you dont succes in your attemp suicide it is because you have a mission in this world better fine it and wait for your right time baby
I suggest you really think about it beforehand, give it maybe a few weeks before making your final decision. Think about your family or loved ones or friends, and if you decide to go through with it write them a letter. There are ways that are not as painful but the materials are much more difficult to obtain.
How is hanging relatively painless? In my experience it’s not bliss… How exactly do you plan to do it to make it painless?
Let me know if you decide not to.
It wasn’t painless per se, I just found that I didn’t feel as much pain as I thought I would and I found it far more peaceful than it probably was. As I said before there’s really no words to describe my intense desire to end it. When I was 12 I’d even attempted hanging myself with my hair. It was long enough, my neck had been small enough. The obsession grew there I guess. I’m not sad, or scared, or calling out for help. Desire and attention are two different things entirely. If it was merely attention I’d be able to focus every thought, and point fingers at other people for wanting this, then transfer those thougts to words on paper. There is no blaming others for wanting this though. In the end I’m the only one to blame for my own end.