My urges to kill are getting worse along with my apathy. So, I picked one of the worst days to escape. Yet, I find it amusing in a sadistic sort of way. For my sins, burning in Hell is a fate far too kind for me. I’m a monster… And I’m okay with that.
Tag:
burning
Hello.
I’m not very sure why I made this account, but you all seem nice enough. I don’t have a bad life. I have loving parents, an annoying brother, and many friends that love and care about me. So it isn’t really fair for me to complain, right? But every single day is filled with anxiety and fear that I will do something wrong. I am a perfectionist and someone who worries a little bit too much. My hands are shaking as I type this because I fear that it will be something that I will regret starting for the rest of my life. Oh. How […]
I’ve have slept through three alarms, miraculously I’m awake relatively early in the morning.
I’ll lay here, on my sleeping bag, wool blanket, yoga mat combination for an hour at least.
Neglecting all needs.
Half ass wondering what has sucked pleasure from my life and has left me a husk, a shadow of my former self.
Until I stop carrying and I day dream of much more entertaining thoughts.
Like, wouldn’t it be nice;
If I woke up in an alternate world.
Woke up in a game.
Or not at all, and instead of day dreaming about life that could be… Oh fuck it, you’re stuck.
Stop […]
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
When you get annoyed and inpatient at everything and your head starts to get all jumbled up and you just feel like burning everything and beating something. And you kinda feel like your going crazy.
So for the longest time, I have had this paranoia that I was being poisoned by my folks.. every time I would eat something they made I would immediately start feeling sick, my throat started burning, my chest and stomach started hurting and I got really bad headaches later on. I’ve been trying to avoid there food for a while but I had to yesterday morning, they were watching. The same thing happened. I couldn’t take it anymore, immediately I started searching around for shit I can be poisoned with. I then found this on the bottom of one of my families bag. is this […]
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
I dont know what to say so i’d rather just leave a song that describes how i feel
by Asyrel
written by Asyrel
rain falling around me
can’t tell if weather is warm
or why I am cold?
fame falls all around me
can’t tell if I should just hide or run
some people hold onto their misery,
a token of their lives
painted faces, warlike, they march on
feel the end near, blinding and screaming
for blood they’d do anything
got two tickets to Peridon, just can’t sleep
I’ve got no reason to worry ’cause it’s just a dream
on my way to the classroom
lit the fire
it’s a burning desire
murder
water is needed
hate seems always following
can’t tell if I can run, can’t find my way […]
I may be suicidal, but most importantly, it was this year when I got full on serious about it.
In other news I think I’m getting a fever.
Look, of course in the past I was suicidal and got a fever too, but this is different.
This year I am serious. And being sick right now is not what I am needing.
Urgh I just can’t take this. Why today? What the hell? I got a whole lotta stress too in school, right AFTER finishing the exams.Its just the most difficult to be seriously suicidal and get a cold because what the hell I want to die now more […]
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill himself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the […]
It’s 4 AM and I havent slept a wink. I’ve been having trouble falling asleep lately.
I just passed the time cutting and burning myself. I still cant fall asleep.
Fuuuck! I hate this!
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
here’s the thing about people like me
we have mouths that hunger for the impossible meat
and eyes that spin like hurricanes
the problem with beasties with reaching teeth
is we don’t know where to stop
we bite our hands down to splintered bone
and spit venom in the eyes of those who’d muzzle us
my muscles weep for a sleep beyond time
but my heart trembles in the face of a knife
people like me
we are doomed to chew ourselves to gummy sinew
and scream in the burning color of an autumn sunset
and never quite have the taste
for copper on the tongue
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window […]
What’s your song line that touches your soul most at the moment?
(please: just SIX lines per person)
I’ll start with Anastacia’s “Everything burns”:
“But she will sing…
‘Till everything burns, while everyone screams,
Burning their lies, burning my dreams,
All of this hate, and all of this pain,
I’ll burn it all down, as my anger rains,
‘Till everything burns…”
It seems like it’s only popular in Asian countries but it doesn’t seem to work for people in America. Are people just not burning the charcoal in the right space?
My heart is sinking. My blood feels thick, like lava, burning through my veins. I feel sick with anger and sadness. I feel hopeles. I want to lay down and sink into a peaceful death. I can’t remember anything anymore. I can’t feel anything except the agony of wanting to die but still having to be alive. How can you want something so badly and struggle everyday to reject it. I want to want to live.
Time from a, burning flame
Got to start ’cause it won’t
Out of the, for the last
My Mother, through the vast space
Became my God-Mother
I love you forever, and I’m coming
Tonight, inside the congregation
This calling of befallen
That I do not know how to say
Through this balance of equilibrium
Echoes through what I
Enclosed never there somewhere
The binary
Oh man . . .
They both were, and they both wanted to
My new homies that I just made but now it’s
Mecton, I don’t know what the
But this push to give me of a stride
I’m going where I need […]
I have these little tiny circles in my stomach. Or, by stomach, I mean coating my abdomen. Each represents every little failure of my life. These little tiny circles have friends. They breed. Everyday they fuck themselves, they stick to eachother and never let go. Every one is a mistake I made. An extra piece of popcorn. A handful of raspberries. A Girl Scout cookie. Mistake after mistake. Pathetic.
They bubble and grow, filling in my calfs and thighs, padding my hips, grazing the bones beneath my chin. Like acid burning into me, everyday I feel their pain.
My mother hates them. My father hates them. My […]
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