dear sp, i just wanted to come and give an update on my current situation. things have been really sucky and i cannot seem to get ahead. the days are not bad cause i have places i can go, and things i can do. i am able to get on sp from our workforce computer but not at the librarey. they block it for some reason. its been two weeks now sleeping in the car in a walmart parking lot, and it is taking a serious toll on me. tanked really bad yesterday, and was not any better this morning. had decided to return the […]
I just had a friend tell me that it takes on average 3-6 months for someone to get a new job. I was fired on November 20th and have been on 11+ interviews with only one offer and it was for something I didn’t feel safe doing. I’m not even having the suicidal car crash fantasies but I ache right now. I see a therapist in about a week for an intake appointment and then maybe in a month I’d see a new psychiatrist for a med adjustment, but I know I need to go to the hospital. I just promised my husband that I’d […]
It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I’ve been really busy with work and such.
Things are going rough and I on’y have until the 30th of this month to turn things around or I’ll lose everything.
These are my choices:
1) Default on my storage units and lose all mine and my late husbands possessions.
2) Sell my body to come up with $400 by the 30th.
3) Chain myself to a tree in the middle of nowhere tonight in soaking wet clothes and freeze to death.
Out of those options, which would you choose and why? What do you think I should do?
I’m working, but I don’t […]
“I just hope that one day – preferably when we’re both blind drunk – we can talk about it.”– J. D. Salinger
I didn’t want to post here again , but it was one of those days that sucker punch you for waking up. Takes the piss out of you for walking outside. Then, it finishes you with a swift kick to the birds with a spring sticking out of your driver seat in the car.
I try very hard to smile much of the time when dealing with people. I want them to see me as happy, I guess. It isn’t as though it matters. Today, […]
Last year on December 9th I lost my virginty, to a guy I thought really liked me. We where talking over the summer and he was always busy. After many tries we finally saw each other. The place where we going to go was closed so he said lets just go to the park. He asked if I had any smokes, I told him no. So we went across the street and he made me pay for the cigs. As we got to the park it […]
Performance anxiety… I have a presentation for school coming up, it’s on PTSD and I am comfortable with that topic but I am terrified about speaking in front of my classmates. College sucks, for real. It is not like speaking for work when I do that in public, though that terrifies me as well. I need tips. I have suicide as my out constantly but what the hell! Why should I let a stupid presentation kill me. Shouldn’t something romantic kill me? Anyways, I am really impulsive and I keep envisioning my car racing headlong into a tree the night of this presentation… I am […]
Sometimes, I think we just need a moment to vent our head caves to an audience that doesn’t know us. I really do not feel like dumping my problems on anyone I know, and thanks to the nifty confines of this site, you can choose to ignore it.
My story begins when college ended. The woman I had been with for almost two years decided to leave me, subsequently getting involved with a friend of mine. She has found happiness and success in her new life, so I hold little ill will toward her. In fact, I knew that the relationship was not healthy with my […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Goodbye, From AnonKun (I have replaced my real name with AnonKun whenever it appears)
I am very aware that many readers of this note may be surprised upon discovering it that I committed suicide. Please know that this was not a spur of the moment decision. This is not a decision I made lightly, or one that was imposed on me by people, society, or circumstance. This is a painful decision I made after years of on and off suffering with no logical conclusion or end in sight.
To address what is likely the most immediate question, I will explain why I chose to take […]
I’m getting sick now. I’ve been running on so little sleep and didn’t eat much for 2 weeks (Thank you to everyone who donated so far, I bought groceries, a jacket and put some gas in my car <3 ), and I’ve been working my butt off everyday. The days I have off from walmart are spent scouring the internet for jobs and housing leads. I guess it’s catching up with me. I’m not super sick yet, but I’ve been feverish all day, have a […]
Fuck depression sucks big time, the only time I’m not depressed is when I’m drunk or asleep.
Take me to a better place lord I want out from my illness. Doing it as soon as I save up for an older style car. The pain free way until then, living out this rotten existence is the only way.
I can’t even get a job no motivation and when I did all I had was an increase in voices through the radio. Thought I was tough living as a schizophrenic but I’m not can barely function and all I want is alcohol and tobacco to make me feel […]
So, life has been shit. And apparently, even though I’m working my ass off at my job 5 days a week, short shifts of 6 hours a day, and looking for another job on top of this one, the universe has decided to piss all over me, still.
When will it end?
November 2013: my husband passed away. To this point I was a housewife. Inherited $25,000 of debt.
November-January: Slip $5-6000 more into debt due to final expenses, bills, etc. New debt total: ~$30,000
January 2014: facing homelessness, dad and step mother take me in with multitudes of “conditions”
January-March: Broke beyond belief, being treated like a slave in […]
I just dont understand, its not that i dont want to, or dont have the will, but, i just want to stay and its so hard… I’m sorry of this is how you guys feel, i really am. I can’t help myself, i can’t save you, i just, well, i cant do anything. I can’t imagine going on like this, not without Makaila, she was my best friend, she was my anchor, she was my everything, but she had to leave us, not on her own choice, she had gotten in a car accident, a little over a month ago, and was dead on […]
So, if you’ve been following me at all…I’m out of the hospital and living alone in my apartment. People are still in denial that anything ever happened. Tonight is the first night that i’m not under watchful eye. So guess what I decided to do? I decided to go out and about and enjoy the cool night air. I drove to my campus and parked as normal. As I was backing out of my parking space after I had enough night air and a people dart out behind me. I hit my brakes and another car comes flying past me, so I shove it in […]
This is me. Nothing in life. There is no life. Not for me. I float day to day. Do what needs to be done. Go to work. Take care of my kitties. Talk to my mom and brother on occasion. I bide my time. Sometimes when I’m driving around I just wish that a truck would smash into me and obliterate me. With my luck, and my sturdy car, if it did happen, I’d survive, broken and bruised.
I get anxiety at night. Nearly impossible to ignore urges to jump into my car and just take off, or drive to a cliff and just fukin jump […]
I’m trying so hard to reclaim my mind from self harm. It’s been five days since I last cut. The first two were okay. The third hard after these kids at school were….. Well they were them. The fourth worse. I was at my best friends birthday party when one of our friends invited a guy. (It was supposed to be just eight of us girls) I was okay at first, then he got out of his car. I got a bad feeling. Immediately after he got out of his car. I was scared. I hid. With my friends I stayed the farthest away from […]
What else can I say? I was clinging to the hope of things getting better last week. Then I got it. Right between the eyes. I’ve had a good run at my job that lasted over ten years – great relationships with the past three CEO’s and then the one bad ape the has wanted the job forever but just couldn’t slither her way in finally got her foot in the door right when her best friend was still board chair. Three people staged a coup and forced the current boss out and slipped the ***** in. I’ve know for several years by the questions […]
Wow my cousin is such a *****
i thought my family new that i was “gay”
well im actually bi but i’ll never tell them that
well my cousin looked at my history
and he thinks im gay why dose he care what i watched. And why dose he care what i do in my life hes my cousin for god sake he should worrie about his mum and himself
ohh godd i wish i could kill my self
but i cant
i even wished a car could kill me ahhh
-brian
I want to die, and since I can’t go the seven pounds route and donate my organs in time, I guess dying is about all I can do. This video gave me an odd level of comfort I mean if he can do it why can’t I? I’m down to partial suspension hanging jumping off of a building or if I can get my car working in time an exit bag. I need my car to go get the supplies. I wish I had some painkillers to help numb the initial pain of the rope, all I have is alcohol. I’m not trying to get […]
he won’t talk to me, won’t realize how much I love him and care, has his head so far up his sperm donor’s ass, my family and ‘friends’ ignore me, even my cries for help. I am surprised they haven’t repo my car yet. so here’s what I got. I’ve done lots of research so it should work. pure caffeine powder, iron pills, Aleve, diphenhydramine, caffeine pills, lamictal… an overdose of just a single one of those could be lethal according to what I have learned, so let’s hope this cocktail works. maybe then people I know will realize that this isn’t the way […]